When I'm standing up,
ants like to repel down me
using navel lint

Rock, Paper, Scissors
Fuck you! Damn it all to hell
Why did I pick Rock

Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah fuck you

Walmart is real big.
I went in there one time and
got lost in housewares

Man I need a drink
Because it is St. Pat's Day
And my name is Pat

campy railer bitch
would have nailed him, too, had I
not just exploded

I got a gold chain
My Mr. T Starter Kit
Santa must like me

Silly gibbled turkey
Timmy loved you like a friend
He called you "Gobbles!!!"

Crud between my toes.
Lick it? no. Spread it on bread
with peanut butter!!

Give me the salt please
I need to kill this bastard
Snails are good to eat

Lush, fresh, bright green grass
Lay down on it, or smoke it
Lush, fresh, bright green grass

I have a rocket
powered bottom and i shoot
crap and crack the john

Dirty stank ass hos
Why do they look like your mom?
Man they frighten me

You is such a ho
I ought to back kick you in
The teeth...yous a ho

perception of red
a figment of diseased minds
I'm gonna be sick

dough white 'cracker'
from red deer 'is it red dear?';
light my fart alberta

like a cat. tied to
a stick. that's driven into
frozen winter shit.

bullshit jack!! they are
chained by their genes they must
return to mama

"What The Fuck?" Cam'ra
For those "What The Fuck!!!" moments
Cah-leeck!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!

Guess what I found out?
Your mom spends her dough on crack
You mom's a crackho

I do not know why
my lips are so goddamned dry
I need chapstick 'ere

Chupracabra: the
syllables flow smoothly, like
innards from a goat.

turkey, chicken, ham
it is very good to eat.
eat that turkey up.

worker bees can leave
even drones can fly away
the queen is their slave

potato salad
polyester leisure suit
i can roll in both

children will laugh, cry

depression is not
very nice if you're in space,
you might burst - kersplat!

Do donkeys eat crisps?
Using their hooves like man's hands?
Am I a donkey?

My trousers hurt me.
Is it because they want to?
What have I done to them?

Golden is the dawn
Warm bodies twist in damp sheets
I wake beside you

Nagging pain in hole,
My piles demand I obtain,
Preparation H.

Jokingly I laughed,
While knowing perfectly well
That my face was broken.

The tourists wonder
The streets look really empty
Epidemic Land

There is no parade
It's the Foot and Mouth Disease
I'm drunk anyway

i am going to
kick your ass so hard that you
will go flying far.

I got up and went
nowhere in particular
just drifting along

sleepy Sunday sex
sizzling bacon squeezing juice
another hot day

the weekend seems to
be a slow haiku time so
I'll submit no more

I'm such a loser
I missed the parade because
I'm such a loser

fresh out of batt'ries
but we're still making noise make-
ing noi-oi-oi-oise

dial-up to connect
with the internet is not
good. Cable's better.

Goin to the pa-
rade to hang out with all the
other drunken fools

Tis St. patty's Day
I am not drunk yet, but plan
on it later.. beer

if i had a horse
i would not be writing these.
t'is good there's no horse!

composition's hard.
but not as hard as waking
up in the morning.

addiction's cold hand
leads me to desire cocaine--
safer than haiku!

robert smith, the cure.
inspiration for better
poetry than this.

saturday morning.
we must all turn towards life
occasionally.

saturday morning
and i am not drunk. t'is sad.
tragedy, indeed.