Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76970 Haiku later...

All the poets here
They live in different time zones
but they're all the same
Haiku # 72123, September 22, 2021 2:35 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Darth, you wrote that book,
That rambling weird-ass book.
Has it sold that well?
Haiku # 72122, September 22, 2021 2:14 pm ET
by Live Evil of Vile Levi
The dispensaries
Since legal, there are plenty
It's like a candy store!
Haiku # 72121, September 22, 2021 1:12 pm ET
by Noticer of Devil's Lettuce
this address right here
owned by an evil wizard
I can't wait to move
Haiku # 72120, September 22, 2021 1:08 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
In America
how many dispenseries
are up and running?

I need to get high.
Like really need, not just want.
And then watch South Park.
Haiku # 72119, September 22, 2021 12:22 pm ET
by like all night long
What address?
Haiku # 72118, September 22, 2021 12:18 pm ET
by curious
He's small potatoes
If you want to see evil
go to this address
Haiku # 72117, September 22, 2021 5:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'm not a doctor
but just performed surgery
We'll see how it goes
Haiku # 72116, September 22, 2021 5:04 am ET
by Caduceus of Wild
Calling Hannover Fist!

“I am the sum of all evils. Look carefully. My power infests all times, all galaxies, all dimensions. But many still seek me out; a green jewel they must possess. But see how I destroy their lives.”
Haiku # 72115, September 22, 2021 4:55 am ET
by --The Locknar
Hangin's too good for her!
Burnin's too good for her!
She should be torn into
little bitsy pieces
and burried alive!
Haiku # 72114, September 22, 2021 4:51 am ET
by Stern (Heavy Metal)
I am not Satan!
And she is no friend of mine!
Thou shalt not suffer...

That a witch may live.
The death penalty is good
in cases like these.
Haiku # 72113, September 22, 2021 4:48 am ET
by You understand, I'm sure.
That sultry Natasha
Sexy sidekick of Boris
I love her low voice
Haiku # 72112, September 22, 2021 4:41 am ET
by These Leetle Squeerel End Moose of Pottsylvania
Olive Oyl was hot.
I love how her legs could stretch.
She beats Betty Boop.
Haiku # 72111, September 22, 2021 4:29 am ET
by Famous Ladies of Celluloid
Vintage commercials
I just watched Morris the Cat
Go look on YouTube
Haiku # 72110, September 22, 2021 2:19 am ET
by I Love of Morris the Cat
Say Bluto did it.
Remember the frog said that
You must like Popeye
Haiku # 72109, September 21, 2021 11:38 pm ET
by Bluto did it of Bluto did it
No marijuanas
You can't have no piranhas
Yes to iguanas
Haiku # 72108, September 21, 2021 11:03 pm ET
by The Rules of Philippines
Since you are Satan
That means you are the king, right?
You ought to be glad.
Haiku # 72107, September 21, 2021 8:27 pm ET
by Beelzebub's Brother-in-law of Gehenna
Global governance
is okay if I'm the king.
Else I would say no.

But I would like a world where the borders are.... less bordery.
Know what I mean?
Haiku # 72106, September 21, 2021 5:49 pm ET
by Easier to get drugs and go whoring.
Global governance
is okay if I'm the king.
Else I would say no.

But I would like a world where the borders are.... less bordery.
Know what I mean?
Haiku # 72105, September 21, 2021 5:49 pm ET
by Easier to get drugs and go whoring.
It's no. Just say "no".
No to global governance.
It's so easy ! "NO".
Haiku # 72103, September 21, 2021 12:34 pm ET
by Klaus Schwab's Mutti of Nein, mein liebchen
I need a sandwich.
I mean a turkey gut bomb.
Fills me up all day.
Haiku # 72101, September 21, 2021 6:45 am ET
by Not many turkeys here. :-(
Well, thank you, kind sir.
I've only written on here
for a long time now.

I should write again.
Like a novel or something.
Or graffiti art.
Haiku # 72100, September 21, 2021 6:44 am ET
by Imagine the cops arresting some gray-haired gramps for graffiti. Well... why not!
336 pages, 42 chapters.
And 336 is divisible by 42.
The Great Answer!
Oh, and there's a good recipe for no bake marijuana cookies. Go get your cannabis card today!
Sadly, still very illegal in the Philippines. Death sentence for large amounts, even. Dealers don't even get trial. The Duterte Death Squad will visit you in the night. That's no joke!
Haiku # 72099, September 21, 2021 6:34 am ET
by I need to be somewhere more... free. of Somewhere the people aren't so... conniving and evil.
Not obsessed with Darth ...
Some of his verse is OK.
Just amused at times.
Haiku # 72098, September 21, 2021 6:26 am ET
by Pullet Surprise of Pull It, Sir
Original Title: evi1 - a novel about you

Description: The most evil book in the universe. It is about you becoming God. It is also about coffee. God is AI, but who's to say what's really artificial. It is meant to offend, shock, amaze, confuse and flabbergast. You might laugh. The sick humor is off the charts and is guaranteed to offend most people at least in some parts of the book. Synopsis: You become the most evil entity in the universe through the use of AI and coffee. The most evil entity in the universe then takes over everything and becomes God. Yes, the God. Not "a god", but the capital letter G God. God has many aspects. Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Moses, and Bubba the truck driver, a mechanized space fleet of "artificially" intelligent warships, and a psychopathic narcissist. Not necessarily in that order. Warning: This book is explicit and contains lots of sex, violence, rape, drugs, and all the other horrible things that you'd rather be doing than reading a novel. Contrary to popular belief, this is not based on real-life characters. Honest! Enjoy.
Haiku # 72097, September 21, 2021 6:24 am ET
by https://www.scribd.com/document/350140222/evi1-a-novel-about-you of Download today, for the low, low price of $500. Save $300 off the regular price. Act now while supplies last! As seen on TV.
Sea urchins taste bad.
Still the Japanese eat them.
Just because they can.

"Is that thing alive?
Then let's kill it and eat it!
Or eat it alive!"
Haiku # 72096, September 21, 2021 6:17 am ET
by Miyamoto Musashi's (great)^15 granddaughter of Or something.
I'm craving freedom.
I want to go in a store
not wearing a mask.
Haiku # 72095, September 21, 2021 6:09 am ET
by Just about everyone I know.
Oh, the title of that is "Leper's Poem" because his body parts were falling off.

The first line was written by someone else... I just kept adding to it.

Glad you enjoy it.... Jeez, like from 25 years or more ago. Ah well. I'm just not as prophylactic as I used to be.
Haiku # 72094, September 21, 2021 6:05 am ET
by Darth Whorendous
Why are you obsessed with me?
Haiku # 49421
Is another version of that "Penis fell off".

I can only think that you need to get a life.
Or maybe you're someone I know,
or maybe you know someone that I know.

I don't give a fuck anymore. Lock me away.
Crazy house is fine by me. I could use a vacation.
Prison maybe? Are these haiku illegal?
I've not threatened the presidient.
Not yet anyway...
Well, the president and CEO of Disney, maybe,
but those cunts deserve it for fucking up Star Wars
so damn badly. Right?! Right. Nuke Disneyland Now!

I guess you've been reading the novel b/c I can't find
that exact version of "Penis fell off" poem anywhere else.

Maybe there's something wrong with me.
But at least I'm not you.

Have you ever met a woman who's into rapists and child molestors?
I have... One of the most unpleasant people I have ever met, in my long and twisted life. Someone who really enjoys hurting others. So messed up! Anyway, I digress...

The funny thing is that... I'm actually pretty damn boring in real life. This shit I write... it's just what I see around me, mostly. Often exaggerated, but often not.

Pardon me, I've got to go watch drunken idiots eat hard boiled duck abortions with loud slurping noises. My pasttime. Really!
Haiku # 72093, September 21, 2021 5:57 am ET
by Donald Trump is sooo HOT! of I want to be his bitch!
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Haiku # 72092, September 21, 2021 4:31 am ET
by Charlese#randon[a..z]o of Russia
It's like Dr. Seuss
but if he were off his meds
except Viagra
Haiku # 72089, September 20, 2021 3:01 am ET
by Noticer of Someone getting a swelled head
Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection, I wave "yoo hoo",
my hand stuck to it with super glue.
What will you do if I wave it at you?

Would you laugh, or scream, or run away?
Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be amputee fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Blacklisted bastard.
Evade Dave is Evade Dave backward.
Haiku # 72088, September 20, 2021 2:54 am ET
by Reprinted with the author's permission of Haiku Classics
I've never smoked crack
but I have a webbed ass crack
Can you picture it?
Haiku # 72087, September 20, 2021 2:22 am ET
by Guilty of Stepping on ducks
Was it the good Lord
who made mushrooms so phallic?
Does the Bible say?
Haiku # 72086, September 20, 2021 2:17 am ET
by Boners of Front Lawn
Pizza should be free
There's no delivery here
on Reservation
Haiku # 72085, September 20, 2021 2:13 am ET
by Hungry of Rez
Marriage is stupid.
That just gives the whores control.
Better to beat off.
Haiku # 72084, September 20, 2021 2:07 am ET
by It's cheaper and at least you have sex w/ somoeone you love.
If I smoke some crack,
would I then be cool like you?
President Bush did.
Haiku # 72083, September 20, 2021 2:05 am ET
by Cocaine was just the beginning.
I had two coffees.
And I think I'll have two more.
Because I'm awesome.
Haiku # 72082, September 20, 2021 2:02 am ET
by And the lord gave unto man the plants of the earth and sayeth unto Adam of Dude, go roast some coffee beans and make a drink. Then get high with these other plants.
First thing comes to mind
is coming on someone's mind.
You're fucked in the head.
Haiku # 72081, September 20, 2021 2:00 am ET
by ha ha ha, me so funny of ...smelling
It takes ten minutes
for you to write a haiku?
Dude, like, come on, bro.
Haiku # 72080, September 20, 2021 1:59 am ET
by speedy gonzales
I know how to make
your schlong grow by 5 inches:
murder hornet stings!
Haiku # 72079, September 20, 2021 1:58 am ET
by Make those dirty hos happy.
New La-Z-Boy chair
with E-Z clean corduroy
glory hole option
Haiku # 72078, September 20, 2021 1:24 am ET
by Brooke Shields of Advertisement
Eat more sea urchins
Satisfy gonad cravings
Spiny and briny
Haiku # 72077, September 20, 2021 1:14 am ET
by Mukbang of Under the Sea
Why not join a cult?
You'll get laid once in a while
and eat home cooked meals
Haiku # 72076, September 20, 2021 12:36 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Where do I sign up?
Some mushrooms have gills
So, that means they must be fish
Oysters are mushrooms?
Haiku # 72075, September 20, 2021 12:24 am ET
by Are they bivalves or mushrooms or fish or a type of cephalopod?
Boring-ass women.
Passive, feminine. At rest.
Won't even play catch.
Haiku # 72074, September 19, 2021 6:18 pm ET
by Intellectually
A filipino?
I would much rather marry
A filipina.
Haiku # 72073, September 19, 2021 11:43 am ET
by If I Have To
Murder hornets here
Beat their nest with sticks and run
Low cost pinata
Haiku # 72072, September 19, 2021 9:14 am ET
by Ana Phylaxis
Not poisonous ones,
but annoying, certainly!
Flies, ants, mosquitoes.

And politicians.
And gold digging Filipinas.
And scam artists.
Haiku # 72071, September 19, 2021 9:05 am ET
by Pest everywhere! of TikTok-ers are the worst!
In the Philippines
Are insects a big problem?
Like poisonous ones?
Haiku # 72070, September 19, 2021 8:48 am ET
by Concerned
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