Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

Well, thank you, kind sir.
I've only written on here
for a long time now.

I should write again.
Like a novel or something.
Or graffiti art.
Haiku # 72100, September 21, 2021 6:44 am ET
by Imagine the cops arresting some gray-haired gramps for graffiti. Well... why not!
336 pages, 42 chapters.
And 336 is divisible by 42.
The Great Answer!
Oh, and there's a good recipe for no bake marijuana cookies. Go get your cannabis card today!
Sadly, still very illegal in the Philippines. Death sentence for large amounts, even. Dealers don't even get trial. The Duterte Death Squad will visit you in the night. That's no joke!
Haiku # 72099, September 21, 2021 6:34 am ET
by I need to be somewhere more... free. of Somewhere the people aren't so... conniving and evil.
Not obsessed with Darth ...
Some of his verse is OK.
Just amused at times.
Haiku # 72098, September 21, 2021 6:26 am ET
by Pullet Surprise of Pull It, Sir
Original Title: evi1 - a novel about you

Description: The most evil book in the universe. It is about you becoming God. It is also about coffee. God is AI, but who's to say what's really artificial. It is meant to offend, shock, amaze, confuse and flabbergast. You might laugh. The sick humor is off the charts and is guaranteed to offend most people at least in some parts of the book. Synopsis: You become the most evil entity in the universe through the use of AI and coffee. The most evil entity in the universe then takes over everything and becomes God. Yes, the God. Not "a god", but the capital letter G God. God has many aspects. Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Moses, and Bubba the truck driver, a mechanized space fleet of "artificially" intelligent warships, and a psychopathic narcissist. Not necessarily in that order. Warning: This book is explicit and contains lots of sex, violence, rape, drugs, and all the other horrible things that you'd rather be doing than reading a novel. Contrary to popular belief, this is not based on real-life characters. Honest! Enjoy.
Haiku # 72097, September 21, 2021 6:24 am ET
by https://www.scribd.com/document/350140222/evi1-a-novel-about-you of Download today, for the low, low price of $500. Save $300 off the regular price. Act now while supplies last! As seen on TV.
Sea urchins taste bad.
Still the Japanese eat them.
Just because they can.

"Is that thing alive?
Then let's kill it and eat it!
Or eat it alive!"
Haiku # 72096, September 21, 2021 6:17 am ET
by Miyamoto Musashi's (great)^15 granddaughter of Or something.
I'm craving freedom.
I want to go in a store
not wearing a mask.
Haiku # 72095, September 21, 2021 6:09 am ET
by Just about everyone I know.
Oh, the title of that is "Leper's Poem" because his body parts were falling off.

The first line was written by someone else... I just kept adding to it.

Glad you enjoy it.... Jeez, like from 25 years or more ago. Ah well. I'm just not as prophylactic as I used to be.
Haiku # 72094, September 21, 2021 6:05 am ET
by Darth Whorendous
Why are you obsessed with me?
Haiku # 49421
Is another version of that "Penis fell off".

I can only think that you need to get a life.
Or maybe you're someone I know,
or maybe you know someone that I know.

I don't give a fuck anymore. Lock me away.
Crazy house is fine by me. I could use a vacation.
Prison maybe? Are these haiku illegal?
I've not threatened the presidient.
Not yet anyway...
Well, the president and CEO of Disney, maybe,
but those cunts deserve it for fucking up Star Wars
so damn badly. Right?! Right. Nuke Disneyland Now!

I guess you've been reading the novel b/c I can't find
that exact version of "Penis fell off" poem anywhere else.

Maybe there's something wrong with me.
But at least I'm not you.

Have you ever met a woman who's into rapists and child molestors?
I have... One of the most unpleasant people I have ever met, in my long and twisted life. Someone who really enjoys hurting others. So messed up! Anyway, I digress...

The funny thing is that... I'm actually pretty damn boring in real life. This shit I write... it's just what I see around me, mostly. Often exaggerated, but often not.

Pardon me, I've got to go watch drunken idiots eat hard boiled duck abortions with loud slurping noises. My pasttime. Really!
Haiku # 72093, September 21, 2021 5:57 am ET
by Donald Trump is sooo HOT! of I want to be his bitch!
http://quickassistant.ru - Диплом купить оренбургского
http://quickassistant.ru - Оплата отпусков реферат
http://quickassistant.ru - Реферат общественная среда
http://quickassistant.ru - Новая ладога реферат
http://quickassistant.ru - Реестр подлинных дипломов
Haiku # 72092, September 21, 2021 4:31 am ET
by Charlese#randon[a..z]o of Russia
It's like Dr. Seuss
but if he were off his meds
except Viagra
Haiku # 72089, September 20, 2021 3:01 am ET
by Noticer of Someone getting a swelled head
Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection, I wave "yoo hoo",
my hand stuck to it with super glue.
What will you do if I wave it at you?

Would you laugh, or scream, or run away?
Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be amputee fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Blacklisted bastard.
Evade Dave is Evade Dave backward.
Haiku # 72088, September 20, 2021 2:54 am ET
by Reprinted with the author's permission of Haiku Classics
I've never smoked crack
but I have a webbed ass crack
Can you picture it?
Haiku # 72087, September 20, 2021 2:22 am ET
by Guilty of Stepping on ducks
Was it the good Lord
who made mushrooms so phallic?
Does the Bible say?
Haiku # 72086, September 20, 2021 2:17 am ET
by Boners of Front Lawn
Pizza should be free
There's no delivery here
on Reservation
Haiku # 72085, September 20, 2021 2:13 am ET
by Hungry of Rez
Marriage is stupid.
That just gives the whores control.
Better to beat off.
Haiku # 72084, September 20, 2021 2:07 am ET
by It's cheaper and at least you have sex w/ somoeone you love.
If I smoke some crack,
would I then be cool like you?
President Bush did.
Haiku # 72083, September 20, 2021 2:05 am ET
by Cocaine was just the beginning.
I had two coffees.
And I think I'll have two more.
Because I'm awesome.
Haiku # 72082, September 20, 2021 2:02 am ET
by And the lord gave unto man the plants of the earth and sayeth unto Adam of Dude, go roast some coffee beans and make a drink. Then get high with these other plants.
First thing comes to mind
is coming on someone's mind.
You're fucked in the head.
Haiku # 72081, September 20, 2021 2:00 am ET
by ha ha ha, me so funny of ...smelling
It takes ten minutes
for you to write a haiku?
Dude, like, come on, bro.
Haiku # 72080, September 20, 2021 1:59 am ET
by speedy gonzales
I know how to make
your schlong grow by 5 inches:
murder hornet stings!
Haiku # 72079, September 20, 2021 1:58 am ET
by Make those dirty hos happy.
New La-Z-Boy chair
with E-Z clean corduroy
glory hole option
Haiku # 72078, September 20, 2021 1:24 am ET
by Brooke Shields of Advertisement
Eat more sea urchins
Satisfy gonad cravings
Spiny and briny
Haiku # 72077, September 20, 2021 1:14 am ET
by Mukbang of Under the Sea
Why not join a cult?
You'll get laid once in a while
and eat home cooked meals
Haiku # 72076, September 20, 2021 12:36 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Where do I sign up?
Some mushrooms have gills
So, that means they must be fish
Oysters are mushrooms?
Haiku # 72075, September 20, 2021 12:24 am ET
by Are they bivalves or mushrooms or fish or a type of cephalopod?
Boring-ass women.
Passive, feminine. At rest.
Won't even play catch.
Haiku # 72074, September 19, 2021 6:18 pm ET
by Intellectually
A filipino?
I would much rather marry
A filipina.
Haiku # 72073, September 19, 2021 11:43 am ET
by If I Have To
Murder hornets here
Beat their nest with sticks and run
Low cost pinata
Haiku # 72072, September 19, 2021 9:14 am ET
by Ana Phylaxis
Not poisonous ones,
but annoying, certainly!
Flies, ants, mosquitoes.

And politicians.
And gold digging Filipinas.
And scam artists.
Haiku # 72071, September 19, 2021 9:05 am ET
by Pest everywhere! of TikTok-ers are the worst!
In the Philippines
Are insects a big problem?
Like poisonous ones?
Haiku # 72070, September 19, 2021 8:48 am ET
by Concerned
You know what that's called
Yankee ingenuity
'til it's stuck up there
Haiku # 72069, September 19, 2021 8:41 am ET
by Noticer of You picked the short straw
Juice pouches are death.
You can overdose on them.
Sweetened enemas.
Haiku # 72068, September 19, 2021 7:51 am ET
by I need some better drugs.
At least you didn't
marry a Filipino;
lying, scamming cheats.

Do not marry whores.
Schlong wiped with one K pesos.
Stick to her forehead.

I am just joking!
You can hate me if you want.
I kind of like whores.

There is honesty.
Which beats fake love any day.
And it's way cheaper!
Haiku # 72067, September 18, 2021 9:38 pm ET
by The oldest profession.
Who flew Haitians in
From their island paradise?
George Soros airlines?
Haiku # 72066, September 18, 2021 5:24 pm ET
by Toussaint of Tout N'est Pas Saint
No, I got married
But the groom was the devil
so I got divorced
Haiku # 72065, September 18, 2021 5:16 pm ET
by Gatinha Estrela
The haiku question:
Why were you in Portugal...
Solving McCann case?
Haiku # 72064, September 18, 2021 5:11 pm ET
by Butler Diddit
I was in Portugal
Haiku # 72063, September 18, 2021 4:48 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Marijuana use
Took a break for eighteen years
But I'm back at it
Haiku # 72062, September 18, 2021 4:47 pm ET
by Medicinal catnip of My own personal Amsterdam
So where were you, Cat?
Wait, don't tell me -- Amsterdam!
Eternally stoned.
Haiku # 72061, September 18, 2021 11:28 am ET
by Right?
Any time is a good time to read The Bible, Janis.
Haiku # 72060, September 18, 2021 11:25 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's worse overseas.
Local travel restrictions.
No freedom at all.

Middle class gets effed.
Only poor and rich are free.
And politicians.

Kids must stay at home.
No stores, malls, or public parks.
I want to shoot cops.

Okay, maybe not.
But you know what I'm sayin'.
Sucks without freedom.
Haiku # 72059, September 18, 2021 11:22 am ET
by Anaughtymouse poet.
Jesus driven shit
Afraid of actual facts
Needs horse dewormer
Haiku # 72058, September 18, 2021 10:53 am ET
by Poops on Duck
Data-driven shit
is what passes for life now:
Outcome-based death cult.
Haiku # 72057, September 18, 2021 9:36 am ET
by To Hell With All of Them
One World fanatics
will be the death of us all.
(Time to read Bible.)
Haiku # 72056, September 18, 2021 9:31 am ET
by Janis of Toronto
Covid=Marxism.
Totalitarian measures
for the neurotics.
Haiku # 72055, September 18, 2021 9:22 am ET
by Fear and Alarm is their Religion
Last movie I saw
in a real movie theatre
was Castaway, dude
Haiku # 72054, September 18, 2021 3:45 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Moved back to US
after eleven years gone.
This world is fucked up
Haiku # 72053, September 18, 2021 3:38 am ET
by Cat
I'm not really sure
because I'm isolated.
I don't go to town

I've got my vaccines
People can travel , I think
Mask order is back here

Prices are higher
Stores have low inventory
It's fucked, in general
Haiku # 72052, September 18, 2021 3:30 am ET
by housecat
What took me away?
The "affordable" care act.
And doing business.

But answer some of my questions, if you don't mind. How is the US now?
Haiku # 72051, September 18, 2021 2:51 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Missing syllable
symbolizes the best fart
you've released so far
Haiku # 72050, September 18, 2021 1:37 am ET
by Guru of Farts
I'm just wondering
how many farts you have cut
in this lifetime?
Haiku # 72049, September 18, 2021 1:34 am ET
by Old (smelly) Soul
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >