New La-Z-Boy chair
with E-Z clean corduroy
glory hole option
by Brooke Shields of Advertisement
Eat more sea urchins
Satisfy gonad cravings
Spiny and briny
by Mukbang of Under the Sea
Why not join a cult?
You'll get laid once in a while
and eat home cooked meals
by Anonymous Poet of Where do I sign up?
Some mushrooms have gills
So, that means they must be fish
Oysters are mushrooms?
by Are they bivalves or mushrooms or fish or a type of cephalopod?
Boring-ass women.
Passive, feminine. At rest.
Won't even play catch.
by Intellectually
A filipino?
I would much rather marry
A filipina.
by If I Have To
Murder hornets here
Beat their nest with sticks and run
Low cost pinata
by Ana Phylaxis
Not poisonous ones,
but annoying, certainly!
Flies, ants, mosquitoes.
And politicians.
And gold digging Filipinas.
And scam artists.
by Pest everywhere! of TikTok-ers are the worst!
In the Philippines
Are insects a big problem?
Like poisonous ones?
by Concerned
You know what that's called
Yankee ingenuity
'til it's stuck up there
by Noticer of You picked the short straw
Juice pouches are death.
You can overdose on them.
Sweetened enemas.
by I need some better drugs.
At least you didn't
marry a Filipino;
lying, scamming cheats.
Do not marry whores.
Schlong wiped with one K pesos.
Stick to her forehead.
I am just joking!
You can hate me if you want.
I kind of like whores.
There is honesty.
Which beats fake love any day.
And it's way cheaper!
by The oldest profession.
Who flew Haitians in
From their island paradise?
George Soros airlines?
by Toussaint of Tout N'est Pas Saint
No, I got married
But the groom was the devil
so I got divorced
by Gatinha Estrela
The haiku question:
Why were you in Portugal...
Solving McCann case?
by Butler Diddit
I was in Portugal
by Anonymous Poet
Marijuana use
Took a break for eighteen years
But I'm back at it
by Medicinal catnip of My own personal Amsterdam
So where were you, Cat?
Wait, don't tell me -- Amsterdam!
Eternally stoned.
by Right?
Any time is a good time to read The Bible, Janis.
by Anonymous Poet
It's worse overseas.
Local travel restrictions.
No freedom at all.
Middle class gets effed.
Only poor and rich are free.
And politicians.
Kids must stay at home.
No stores, malls, or public parks.
I want to shoot cops.
Okay, maybe not.
But you know what I'm sayin'.
Sucks without freedom.
by Anaughtymouse poet.
Jesus driven shit
Afraid of actual facts
Needs horse dewormer
by Poops on Duck
Data-driven shit
is what passes for life now:
Outcome-based death cult.
by To Hell With All of Them
One World fanatics
will be the death of us all.
(Time to read Bible.)
by Janis of Toronto
Covid=Marxism.
Totalitarian measures
for the neurotics.
by Fear and Alarm is their Religion
Last movie I saw
in a real movie theatre
was Castaway, dude
by Anonymous Poet
Moved back to US
after eleven years gone.
This world is fucked up
by Cat
I'm not really sure
because I'm isolated.
I don't go to town
I've got my vaccines
People can travel , I think
Mask order is back here
Prices are higher
Stores have low inventory
It's fucked, in general
by housecat
What took me away?
The "affordable" care act.
And doing business.
But answer some of my questions, if you don't mind. How is the US now?
by Anonymous Poet
Missing syllable
symbolizes the best fart
you've released so far
by Guru of Farts
I'm just wondering
how many farts you have cut
in this lifetime?
by Old (smelly) Soul
When was the last time
you came to America?
What took you away?
by Anonymous Poet
Electricity!
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers
God was listening
by Power of Prayers (and thoughts)
Just letting you know.
Windstorm knocked up your grandma.
Or it's the postman.
by He brings the package!
So how's life in the USA under lockdown? Can you travel from state to state (or town to town) without a travel pass? Do the police harass you and threaten to put you in jail if you don't have a mask? Have prices skyrocketed? Lot of things unavailable in stores? Poverty increased? Can you still go out and see a movie? Is every death ascribed to covid? Can you still eat in a restaurant? Are there curfews? Bars shut down? Liquor bans?
by So sick of this covid response... fuck it, let's all get it and be done with this shit!
It is redundant
to say "Filipina whore".
Say Filipina.
by You know... at least with whores, it's half way honest. of Not like it is with emus.
Antibiotics?!
No, no, no, no, no, good sir!
It's more fun with scabs!
by Go ask your grandma. of She remembers back in the days before penis-ill-in.
Just letting you know
Windstorm knocked out the power
I may need your help
by Powerless
That Phillipine whore:
Pull out of her right away.
You are in danger.
by She Make Fiki-fik Good Price of Antibiotics
That Phillipine whore:
Pull out of her right away.
You are in danger.
by She Make Fiki-fik Good Price of Antibiotics
Thou hast defiled
All thy dwellings, foul cherub.
And hell awaits thee.
by Increase Mather of Cotton's Father
Woe unto thee, Darth.
Thou art a vile libertine.
Repent while there's time.
by Cotton Mather of Haiku
The Lord then spoke
Go Ye forth and masturbate
But closeth the blinds
by Ejaculations 24:7 of Google Maps
I'm watching South Park.
I should be masturbating.
Or smoking some crack.
by Drugs are bad, mkay.
Please, someone, somewhere,
Anyone other than Darth,
Write a Haiku here.
by Haiku Intervention Support Team 78 of Basho Unit B
I might bathe today.
It's been about seven days.
My balls are funky.
Have you ever been
stung by sea urchins "down there".
It beats viagra.
by If you don't believe me, ask those girls in Angeles City.
Some eat electric eel.
South American natives.
Saw it on the tube.
by Ages ago.
When I lift my kilt
You'll see the Loch Ness Monster
or crumpled bagpipes
by Shape shifting of Scotland
Glow in the dark poop
if you eat electric eel?
A pity to flush.
by Patron of GrubHub
All of these Barneys--
Caveman, dinosaur, sherrif--
naked with whipped cream.
by No, it's not exactly Maybury.
When you love your work
It doesn't feel like a job
she said, and kneeled down
by Employee of Working through Lunch
