So how's life in the USA under lockdown? Can you travel from state to state (or town to town) without a travel pass? Do the police harass you and threaten to put you in jail if you don't have a mask? Have prices skyrocketed? Lot of things unavailable in stores? Poverty increased? Can you still go out and see a movie? Is every death ascribed to covid? Can you still eat in a restaurant? Are there curfews? Bars shut down? Liquor bans?
by So sick of this covid response... fuck it, let's all get it and be done with this shit!
It is redundant
to say "Filipina whore".
Say Filipina.
by You know... at least with whores, it's half way honest. of Not like it is with emus.
Antibiotics?!
No, no, no, no, no, good sir!
It's more fun with scabs!
by Go ask your grandma. of She remembers back in the days before penis-ill-in.
Just letting you know
Windstorm knocked out the power
I may need your help
by Powerless
That Phillipine whore:
Pull out of her right away.
You are in danger.
by She Make Fiki-fik Good Price of Antibiotics
That Phillipine whore:
Pull out of her right away.
You are in danger.
by She Make Fiki-fik Good Price of Antibiotics
Thou hast defiled
All thy dwellings, foul cherub.
And hell awaits thee.
by Increase Mather of Cotton's Father
Woe unto thee, Darth.
Thou art a vile libertine.
Repent while there's time.
by Cotton Mather of Haiku
The Lord then spoke
Go Ye forth and masturbate
But closeth the blinds
by Ejaculations 24:7 of Google Maps
I'm watching South Park.
I should be masturbating.
Or smoking some crack.
by Drugs are bad, mkay.
Please, someone, somewhere,
Anyone other than Darth,
Write a Haiku here.
by Haiku Intervention Support Team 78 of Basho Unit B
I might bathe today.
It's been about seven days.
My balls are funky.
Have you ever been
stung by sea urchins "down there".
It beats viagra.
by If you don't believe me, ask those girls in Angeles City.
Some eat electric eel.
South American natives.
Saw it on the tube.
by Ages ago.
When I lift my kilt
You'll see the Loch Ness Monster
or crumpled bagpipes
by Shape shifting of Scotland
Glow in the dark poop
if you eat electric eel?
A pity to flush.
by Patron of GrubHub
All of these Barneys--
Caveman, dinosaur, sherrif--
naked with whipped cream.
by No, it's not exactly Maybury.
When you love your work
It doesn't feel like a job
she said, and kneeled down
by Employee of Working through Lunch
Cross dressing Senior
My new pronouns are, Sag Tits
and roast beef sandwich
by Terrence Trenchmouth D'Arby's of Arby's
Post coital house fire
Spontaneous combustion
Smoking after sex
by Baffled of Holding Hose
I insured my fart
I went with the full coverage
I mean, shat my pants
The salesman was nice
I feel bad my fart killed him
during the phone call
by Darther Miller Death of a Salesman
You are quite welcome.
Sadly I'm rather boring.
These poems are lies.
by But you knew that, right?
What you all write here
Helps make me feel more normal
Not a compliment
by Moist Ointment
Don't need insurance.
Wait, you sell fart insurance?
That might be handy.
by I love telemarketers and their Indian accents.
Forgive me father,
I have not sinned; I am sin.
All sins of this realm.
I need to be cleansed.
Holy water will not work.
Try nitric acid.
by Timothy McVeigh's pet Iguana, Mr. Slithers. of Maybe not, but you never know.
What is wrong with you?
Cat amputated your tongue?
Not like you need it.
It tells only lies.
You don't know how to use it.
For anything good.
by ...
Uncle John's at it.
Drunk and humping the carpet.
An awkward "rope burn".
by Tyler Chad Harris
Silicone cat boobs.
Why do you make me wear these?!
Oh, okay, I see.
That's some strange pussy.
Lactating feline fetish.
Cross dressing seniors.
Your kink is shedding.
Go home and eat your 9-Lives
Finiky Morris.
by I Fink You Phreaky.
I got eight vaccines.
Vaxxed to the max, they say.
It grew six inches.
by Interesting side effect.
Talked to God today.
He said stop writing haiku.
I told him I would.
by Figgy pudding. of Where they grow figs.
The programmed boomers:
Strident neurotic vaxxers
A bunch of Karens.
by Tony Fauxi of Head Up Ass
The biggest babies
Low IQ anti-vaxers
Anti-social fucks
by Janis of Toronto
Silicone cat boots
Why do you make me wear these?
Get a life, lady
by Polly D'actyl of sur la table
So let's go kill him.
Angry game show contestant.
Never forgave him.
by The price is wrong! of Satan says "Come on Down!" when he finally dies.
Let us make a deal
With Bob's sexy blonde hostess.
I forgot her name.
by His name might be Lucifer of BEHIND DOOR #3
Co-vid can't kill him
Bob Barker is still alive
Is he the Devil?
by Come on Down! of Hell
Man in the attic
No one knew he lived up there
because he killed them
by Tales of Creepy Humans
It just won't matter
when everyone fucks machines
They'll all be turned on
by This haiku provided by the makers of WD-40
There are two genders.
And thirty-six kinds of gay.
Call it what you want.
by Cis-trans-gay-straight-lesbian of And the endless combinationsns
They think it's Progress:
sexual confusion and hate
towards all that is right.
by God will judge their dead souls in the end of course.
Covid fear: it's there
deep in the liberal soul
where God ought to be.
by Godless Neurotics Easily-programmed
They STILL don't feel safe . . .
The vaxxed: just as neurotic
As before their jab.
by That's Why They Are Neurotically Afraid of a Chinese Chest-cold
Digging up old ghosts.
The aroma of coffee
on my leather coat.
by This is me at my most masochistic.
Souls of the murdered
gravitate to frozen lips
stuck in a false grin.
by Your 1st child.
Together, we can
make sure all Americans
get Covid-19
by Anonymous Poet
Midgets do not die.
They shrink to non-existence.
Sort of like Whoville.
by Dr Seuss' toilet brush
What's with the midgets?
You been watching midget porn.
Love midget strippers.
Fun sized prostitutes.
Just spin them on your finger.
A fidget midget.
by Anonymous Poet
How many midgets
have died from COVID-19?
Explain your answer
by Quiz
Ok, that makes sense
The third leg is the problem
That one has a limp
by Noticer of Defective Triskelion
I've been to England
Never eaten spotted dick
but I've heard of it
by If you have spotted Dick of You might be a cheetah
I do not have spots.
Nor do I have any stripes.
I have all three legs.
But there's a problem.
I seem to have misplaced my
prosthetic sphincter.
by Actually, it's bionic. of Cost 6 million dollars.
