Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

I insured my fart
I went with the full coverage
I mean, shat my pants

The salesman was nice
I feel bad my fart killed him
during the phone call
Haiku # 72024, September 16, 2021 3:40 pm ET
by Darther Miller Death of a Salesman
You are quite welcome.
Sadly I'm rather boring.
These poems are lies.
Haiku # 72023, September 16, 2021 2:09 pm ET
by But you knew that, right?
What you all write here
Helps make me feel more normal
Not a compliment
Haiku # 72022, September 16, 2021 10:51 am ET
by Moist Ointment
Don't need insurance.
Wait, you sell fart insurance?
That might be handy.
Haiku # 72021, September 16, 2021 9:45 am ET
by I love telemarketers and their Indian accents.
Forgive me father,
I have not sinned; I am sin.
All sins of this realm.

I need to be cleansed.
Holy water will not work.
Try nitric acid.
Haiku # 72020, September 16, 2021 9:41 am ET
by Timothy McVeigh's pet Iguana, Mr. Slithers. of Maybe not, but you never know.
What is wrong with you?
Cat amputated your tongue?
Not like you need it.

It tells only lies.
You don't know how to use it.
For anything good.
Haiku # 72019, September 16, 2021 9:15 am ET
by ...
Uncle John's at it.
Drunk and humping the carpet.
An awkward "rope burn".
Haiku # 72018, September 16, 2021 12:59 am ET
by Tyler Chad Harris
Silicone cat boobs.
Why do you make me wear these?!
Oh, okay, I see.

That's some strange pussy.
Lactating feline fetish.
Cross dressing seniors.

Your kink is shedding.
Go home and eat your 9-Lives
Finiky Morris.
Haiku # 72017, September 16, 2021 12:51 am ET
by I Fink You Phreaky.
I got eight vaccines.
Vaxxed to the max, they say.
It grew six inches.
Haiku # 72016, September 16, 2021 12:39 am ET
by Interesting side effect.
Talked to God today.
He said stop writing haiku.
I told him I would.
Haiku # 72015, September 15, 2021 9:26 pm ET
by Figgy pudding. of Where they grow figs.

The programmed boomers:
Strident neurotic vaxxers
A bunch of Karens.
Haiku # 72014, September 15, 2021 8:33 pm ET
by Tony Fauxi of Head Up Ass
The biggest babies
Low IQ anti-vaxers
Anti-social fucks
Haiku # 72013, September 15, 2021 2:09 pm ET
by Janis of Toronto
Silicone cat boots
Why do you make me wear these?
Get a life, lady
Haiku # 72012, September 15, 2021 1:36 pm ET
by Polly D'actyl of sur la table
So let's go kill him.
Angry game show contestant.
Never forgave him.
Haiku # 72008, September 15, 2021 5:56 am ET
by The price is wrong! of Satan says "Come on Down!" when he finally dies.
Let us make a deal
With Bob's sexy blonde hostess.
I forgot her name.
Haiku # 72007, September 15, 2021 5:18 am ET
by His name might be Lucifer of BEHIND DOOR #3
Co-vid can't kill him
Bob Barker is still alive
Is he the Devil?
Haiku # 72006, September 15, 2021 3:20 am ET
by Come on Down! of Hell
Man in the attic
No one knew he lived up there
because he killed them
Haiku # 72005, September 15, 2021 2:34 am ET
by Tales of Creepy Humans
It just won't matter
when everyone fucks machines
They'll all be turned on
Haiku # 72003, September 14, 2021 11:40 pm ET
by This haiku provided by the makers of WD-40
There are two genders.
And thirty-six kinds of gay.
Call it what you want.
Haiku # 72002, September 14, 2021 11:00 pm ET
by Cis-trans-gay-straight-lesbian of And the endless combinationsns
They think it's Progress:
sexual confusion and hate
towards all that is right.
Haiku # 72001, September 14, 2021 8:52 pm ET
by God will judge their dead souls in the end of course.
Covid fear: it's there
deep in the liberal soul
where God ought to be.
Haiku # 72000, September 14, 2021 8:49 pm ET
by Godless Neurotics Easily-programmed
They STILL don't feel safe . . .
The vaxxed: just as neurotic
As before their jab.
Haiku # 71999, September 14, 2021 8:47 pm ET
by That's Why They Are Neurotically Afraid of a Chinese Chest-cold
Digging up old ghosts.
The aroma of coffee
on my leather coat.
Haiku # 71998, September 14, 2021 7:34 pm ET
by This is me at my most masochistic.
Souls of the murdered
gravitate to frozen lips
stuck in a false grin.
Haiku # 71997, September 14, 2021 7:29 pm ET
by Your 1st child.
Together, we can
make sure all Americans
get Covid-19
Haiku # 71996, September 14, 2021 1:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Midgets do not die.
They shrink to non-existence.
Sort of like Whoville.
Haiku # 71995, September 14, 2021 11:16 am ET
by Dr Seuss' toilet brush
What's with the midgets?
You been watching midget porn.
Love midget strippers.

Fun sized prostitutes.
Just spin them on your finger.
A fidget midget.
Haiku # 71994, September 14, 2021 11:11 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
How many midgets
have died from COVID-19?
Explain your answer
Haiku # 71993, September 14, 2021 3:59 am ET
by Quiz
Ok, that makes sense
The third leg is the problem
That one has a limp
Haiku # 71992, September 14, 2021 3:56 am ET
by Noticer of Defective Triskelion
I've been to England
Never eaten spotted dick
but I've heard of it
Haiku # 71991, September 14, 2021 3:52 am ET
by If you have spotted Dick of You might be a cheetah
I do not have spots.
Nor do I have any stripes.
I have all three legs.

But there's a problem.
I seem to have misplaced my
prosthetic sphincter.
Haiku # 71990, September 14, 2021 2:47 am ET
by Actually, it's bionic. of Cost 6 million dollars.
Amputated leg
Possessed by evil spirits
Call priest if spotted
Haiku # 71989, September 14, 2021 2:38 am ET
by PSA of Emergency Broadcast
I've been banging goats.
Hoping to get the Nipah.
And pass it to you.
Haiku # 71988, September 14, 2021 2:26 am ET
by Blahblahblah
If you have covid,
go out and spread it around.
Get this over with!

Hand railings, door knobs,
elevator buttons and
shopping mall food stands.
Haiku # 71987, September 14, 2021 2:22 am ET
by Do your duty!
Wear a bondage mask.
Make disease kinky again.
Be a bug hunter.
Haiku # 71986, September 14, 2021 2:09 am ET
by STDs and Pokemon. of Gotta catch 'em all!
Hey, wear a clown mask
Let's make Covid fun again
Turn frowns upside down

Prescribe silly string
More farting competitions
More Kardashians

Bring back fake vomit
Rubber chickens, Silly Putty
Unprotected sex

Free ice cream for all!
Midgets on every corner
Life is beautiful
Haiku # 71985, September 13, 2021 9:23 pm ET
by Sara Tonen of Your Happy Place
Balut McMuffin
You deserve a beak today
McDarthnold's Restaurant
Haiku # 71984, September 13, 2021 3:17 pm ET
by Clown of Huge Feet. No pants.
Camel pedicures
Haiku # 71983, September 13, 2021 3:10 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of funny bone
Will die for country
But I will not wear a mask
That's too much to ask
Haiku # 71982, September 13, 2021 2:42 pm ET
by Confused patriot virtue signal
Aphrodisiac
If your dink is pointing South
Put this in your mouth
Haiku # 71981, September 13, 2021 2:16 pm ET
by Brought to you by the Balut Egg Commission of Sunny Philippines
Morning camel ride
Combined stench of man and beast
and we're still in bed
Haiku # 71980, September 13, 2021 1:43 pm ET
by Postcards from D Figpucker of Employment Abroad
And they drink coffee.
And they own lots of women.
And they blow stuff up.
Haiku # 71979, September 13, 2021 10:51 am ET
by What more could you ask for?!
Baklava versus
Balaclava (a face-mask)
Terrorists do both !
Haiku # 71978, September 13, 2021 10:26 am ET
by Friendly Hamas Pastry Chef of BOOM!
Well that's no problem.
I'm sure camels don't have hands.
That's an easy job!
Haiku # 71977, September 13, 2021 9:16 am ET
by Silly Arabs, Trix are for kids. of Kids as in juvenile goats
The Job Description:
You will be responsible
for camel hand jobs
Haiku # 71976, September 13, 2021 7:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
They're so welcoming.
They said come on down and join.
Darth torture expert.

Maybe bomb maker.
Or heroin smuggler.
Chemical warfare?

Chef and gardener.
Cave hideout decorator.
Camel pedicures.
Haiku # 71975, September 13, 2021 6:16 am ET
by I can do it all!
You will be welcome
most anywhere you travel
because you're so cute
Haiku # 71974, September 13, 2021 4:21 am ET
by Fortune Cookie of Old Willow Take Out
Will the Taliban
accept me if I go there?
Looks like lots of fun!

Full auto rifles.
Rocket launchers and grenades.
Oh, and land mines too!

And roller coasters,
Ferris wheels, haunted house,
and the bumper cars!

And I hear free coffee.
Like what more could you ask for?
And balklava too?!
Haiku # 71973, September 13, 2021 3:46 am ET
by I am so there!
So some people die.
Who thinks covid's overblown?
We're expendable.

If some folks don't die,
then the whole human race will.
It's an ugly truth.
Haiku # 71972, September 13, 2021 3:36 am ET
by Stop overpopulation. Start with politicians. Then government workers and lawyers. Then tattoo artists. of After that we can get rid of the damn Eskimos.
Fucking parasites.
Uniforms with their hands out.
You must pay or die.
Haiku # 71971, September 13, 2021 2:22 am ET
by Criminals, the lot of them.
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