In the Philippines
Are insects a big problem?
Like poisonous ones?

You know what that's called
Yankee ingenuity
'til it's stuck up there

Juice pouches are death.
You can overdose on them.
Sweetened enemas.

At least you didn't
marry a Filipino;
lying, scamming cheats.

Do not marry whores.
Schlong wiped with one K pesos.
Stick to her forehead.

I am just joking!
You can hate me if you want.
I kind of like whores.

There is honesty.
Which beats fake love any day.
And it's way cheaper!

Who flew Haitians in
From their island paradise?
George Soros airlines?

No, I got married
But the groom was the devil
so I got divorced

The haiku question:
Why were you in Portugal...
Solving McCann case?

I was in Portugal

Marijuana use
Took a break for eighteen years
But I'm back at it

So where were you, Cat?
Wait, don't tell me -- Amsterdam!
Eternally stoned.

Any time is a good time to read The Bible, Janis.

It's worse overseas.
Local travel restrictions.
No freedom at all.

Middle class gets effed.
Only poor and rich are free.
And politicians.

Kids must stay at home.
No stores, malls, or public parks.
I want to shoot cops.

Okay, maybe not.
But you know what I'm sayin'.
Sucks without freedom.

Jesus driven shit
Afraid of actual facts
Needs horse dewormer

Data-driven shit
is what passes for life now:
Outcome-based death cult.

One World fanatics
will be the death of us all.
(Time to read Bible.)

Covid=Marxism.
Totalitarian measures
for the neurotics.

Last movie I saw
in a real movie theatre
was Castaway, dude

Moved back to US
after eleven years gone.
This world is fucked up

I'm not really sure
because I'm isolated.
I don't go to town

I've got my vaccines
People can travel , I think
Mask order is back here

Prices are higher
Stores have low inventory
It's fucked, in general

What took me away?
The "affordable" care act.
And doing business.

But answer some of my questions, if you don't mind. How is the US now?

Missing syllable
symbolizes the best fart
you've released so far

I'm just wondering
how many farts you have cut
in this lifetime?

When was the last time
you came to America?
What took you away?

Electricity!
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers
God was listening

Just letting you know.
Windstorm knocked up your grandma.
Or it's the postman.

So how's life in the USA under lockdown? Can you travel from state to state (or town to town) without a travel pass? Do the police harass you and threaten to put you in jail if you don't have a mask? Have prices skyrocketed? Lot of things unavailable in stores? Poverty increased? Can you still go out and see a movie? Is every death ascribed to covid? Can you still eat in a restaurant? Are there curfews? Bars shut down? Liquor bans?

It is redundant
to say "Filipina whore".
Say Filipina.

Antibiotics?!
No, no, no, no, no, good sir!
It's more fun with scabs!

Just letting you know
Windstorm knocked out the power
I may need your help

That Phillipine whore:
Pull out of her right away.
You are in danger.

That Phillipine whore:
Pull out of her right away.
You are in danger.

Thou hast defiled
All thy dwellings, foul cherub.
And hell awaits thee.

Woe unto thee, Darth.
Thou art a vile libertine.
Repent while there's time.

The Lord then spoke
Go Ye forth and masturbate
But closeth the blinds

I'm watching South Park.
I should be masturbating.
Or smoking some crack.

Please, someone, somewhere,
Anyone other than Darth,
Write a Haiku here.

I might bathe today.
It's been about seven days.
My balls are funky.

Have you ever been
stung by sea urchins "down there".
It beats viagra.

Some eat electric eel.
South American natives.
Saw it on the tube.

When I lift my kilt
You'll see the Loch Ness Monster
or crumpled bagpipes

Glow in the dark poop
if you eat electric eel?
A pity to flush.

All of these Barneys--
Caveman, dinosaur, sherrif--
naked with whipped cream.

When you love your work
It doesn't feel like a job
she said, and kneeled down

Cross dressing Senior
My new pronouns are, Sag Tits
and roast beef sandwich

Post coital house fire
Spontaneous combustion
Smoking after sex

I insured my fart
I went with the full coverage
I mean, shat my pants

The salesman was nice
I feel bad my fart killed him
during the phone call

You are quite welcome.
Sadly I'm rather boring.
These poems are lies.

What you all write here
Helps make me feel more normal
Not a compliment

Don't need insurance.
Wait, you sell fart insurance?
That might be handy.

Forgive me father,
I have not sinned; I am sin.
All sins of this realm.

I need to be cleansed.
Holy water will not work.
Try nitric acid.

What is wrong with you?
Cat amputated your tongue?
Not like you need it.

It tells only lies.
You don't know how to use it.
For anything good.