Why are you obsessed with me?
Haiku # 49421
Is another version of that "Penis fell off".

I can only think that you need to get a life.
Or maybe you're someone I know,
or maybe you know someone that I know.

I don't give a fuck anymore. Lock me away.
Crazy house is fine by me. I could use a vacation.
Prison maybe? Are these haiku illegal?
I've not threatened the presidient.
Not yet anyway...
Well, the president and CEO of Disney, maybe,
but those cunts deserve it for fucking up Star Wars
so damn badly. Right?! Right. Nuke Disneyland Now!

I guess you've been reading the novel b/c I can't find
that exact version of "Penis fell off" poem anywhere else.

Maybe there's something wrong with me.
But at least I'm not you.

Have you ever met a woman who's into rapists and child molestors?
I have... One of the most unpleasant people I have ever met, in my long and twisted life. Someone who really enjoys hurting others. So messed up! Anyway, I digress...

The funny thing is that... I'm actually pretty damn boring in real life. This shit I write... it's just what I see around me, mostly. Often exaggerated, but often not.

Pardon me, I've got to go watch drunken idiots eat hard boiled duck abortions with loud slurping noises. My pasttime. Really!

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It's like Dr. Seuss
but if he were off his meds
except Viagra

Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection, I wave "yoo hoo",
my hand stuck to it with super glue.
What will you do if I wave it at you?

Would you laugh, or scream, or run away?
Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be amputee fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Blacklisted bastard.
Evade Dave is Evade Dave backward.

I've never smoked crack
but I have a webbed ass crack
Can you picture it?

Was it the good Lord
who made mushrooms so phallic?
Does the Bible say?

Pizza should be free
There's no delivery here
on Reservation

Marriage is stupid.
That just gives the whores control.
Better to beat off.

If I smoke some crack,
would I then be cool like you?
President Bush did.

I had two coffees.
And I think I'll have two more.
Because I'm awesome.

First thing comes to mind
is coming on someone's mind.
You're fucked in the head.

It takes ten minutes
for you to write a haiku?
Dude, like, come on, bro.

I know how to make
your schlong grow by 5 inches:
murder hornet stings!

New La-Z-Boy chair
with E-Z clean corduroy
glory hole option

Eat more sea urchins
Satisfy gonad cravings
Spiny and briny

Why not join a cult?
You'll get laid once in a while
and eat home cooked meals

Some mushrooms have gills
So, that means they must be fish
Oysters are mushrooms?

Boring-ass women.
Passive, feminine. At rest.
Won't even play catch.

A filipino?
I would much rather marry
A filipina.

Murder hornets here
Beat their nest with sticks and run
Low cost pinata

Not poisonous ones,
but annoying, certainly!
Flies, ants, mosquitoes.

And politicians.
And gold digging Filipinas.
And scam artists.

In the Philippines
Are insects a big problem?
Like poisonous ones?

You know what that's called
Yankee ingenuity
'til it's stuck up there

Juice pouches are death.
You can overdose on them.
Sweetened enemas.

At least you didn't
marry a Filipino;
lying, scamming cheats.

Do not marry whores.
Schlong wiped with one K pesos.
Stick to her forehead.

I am just joking!
You can hate me if you want.
I kind of like whores.

There is honesty.
Which beats fake love any day.
And it's way cheaper!

Who flew Haitians in
From their island paradise?
George Soros airlines?

No, I got married
But the groom was the devil
so I got divorced

The haiku question:
Why were you in Portugal...
Solving McCann case?

I was in Portugal

Marijuana use
Took a break for eighteen years
But I'm back at it

So where were you, Cat?
Wait, don't tell me -- Amsterdam!
Eternally stoned.

Any time is a good time to read The Bible, Janis.

It's worse overseas.
Local travel restrictions.
No freedom at all.

Middle class gets effed.
Only poor and rich are free.
And politicians.

Kids must stay at home.
No stores, malls, or public parks.
I want to shoot cops.

Okay, maybe not.
But you know what I'm sayin'.
Sucks without freedom.

Jesus driven shit
Afraid of actual facts
Needs horse dewormer

Data-driven shit
is what passes for life now:
Outcome-based death cult.

One World fanatics
will be the death of us all.
(Time to read Bible.)

Covid=Marxism.
Totalitarian measures
for the neurotics.

Last movie I saw
in a real movie theatre
was Castaway, dude

Moved back to US
after eleven years gone.
This world is fucked up

I'm not really sure
because I'm isolated.
I don't go to town

I've got my vaccines
People can travel , I think
Mask order is back here

Prices are higher
Stores have low inventory
It's fucked, in general

What took me away?
The "affordable" care act.
And doing business.

But answer some of my questions, if you don't mind. How is the US now?

Missing syllable
symbolizes the best fart
you've released so far

I'm just wondering
how many farts you have cut
in this lifetime?

When was the last time
you came to America?
What took you away?

Electricity!
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers
God was listening

Just letting you know.
Windstorm knocked up your grandma.
Or it's the postman.

So how's life in the USA under lockdown? Can you travel from state to state (or town to town) without a travel pass? Do the police harass you and threaten to put you in jail if you don't have a mask? Have prices skyrocketed? Lot of things unavailable in stores? Poverty increased? Can you still go out and see a movie? Is every death ascribed to covid? Can you still eat in a restaurant? Are there curfews? Bars shut down? Liquor bans?

It is redundant
to say "Filipina whore".
Say Filipina.

Antibiotics?!
No, no, no, no, no, good sir!
It's more fun with scabs!

Just letting you know
Windstorm knocked out the power
I may need your help