That sultry Natasha
Sexy sidekick of Boris
I love her low voice

Olive Oyl was hot.
I love how her legs could stretch.
She beats Betty Boop.

Vintage commercials
I just watched Morris the Cat
Go look on YouTube

Say Bluto did it.
Remember the frog said that
You must like Popeye

No marijuanas
You can't have no piranhas
Yes to iguanas

Since you are Satan
That means you are the king, right?
You ought to be glad.

Global governance
is okay if I'm the king.
Else I would say no.

But I would like a world where the borders are.... less bordery.
Know what I mean?

Global governance
is okay if I'm the king.
Else I would say no.

But I would like a world where the borders are.... less bordery.
Know what I mean?

It's no. Just say "no".
No to global governance.
It's so easy ! "NO".

I need a sandwich.
I mean a turkey gut bomb.
Fills me up all day.

Well, thank you, kind sir.
I've only written on here
for a long time now.

I should write again.
Like a novel or something.
Or graffiti art.

336 pages, 42 chapters.
And 336 is divisible by 42.
The Great Answer!
Oh, and there's a good recipe for no bake marijuana cookies. Go get your cannabis card today!
Sadly, still very illegal in the Philippines. Death sentence for large amounts, even. Dealers don't even get trial. The Duterte Death Squad will visit you in the night. That's no joke!

Not obsessed with Darth ...
Some of his verse is OK.
Just amused at times.

Original Title: evi1 - a novel about you

Description: The most evil book in the universe. It is about you becoming God. It is also about coffee. God is AI, but who's to say what's really artificial. It is meant to offend, shock, amaze, confuse and flabbergast. You might laugh. The sick humor is off the charts and is guaranteed to offend most people at least in some parts of the book. Synopsis: You become the most evil entity in the universe through the use of AI and coffee. The most evil entity in the universe then takes over everything and becomes God. Yes, the God. Not "a god", but the capital letter G God. God has many aspects. Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Moses, and Bubba the truck driver, a mechanized space fleet of "artificially" intelligent warships, and a psychopathic narcissist. Not necessarily in that order. Warning: This book is explicit and contains lots of sex, violence, rape, drugs, and all the other horrible things that you'd rather be doing than reading a novel. Contrary to popular belief, this is not based on real-life characters. Honest! Enjoy.

Sea urchins taste bad.
Still the Japanese eat them.
Just because they can.

"Is that thing alive?
Then let's kill it and eat it!
Or eat it alive!"

I'm craving freedom.
I want to go in a store
not wearing a mask.

Oh, the title of that is "Leper's Poem" because his body parts were falling off.

The first line was written by someone else... I just kept adding to it.

Glad you enjoy it.... Jeez, like from 25 years or more ago. Ah well. I'm just not as prophylactic as I used to be.

Why are you obsessed with me?
Haiku # 49421
Is another version of that "Penis fell off".

I can only think that you need to get a life.
Or maybe you're someone I know,
or maybe you know someone that I know.

I don't give a fuck anymore. Lock me away.
Crazy house is fine by me. I could use a vacation.
Prison maybe? Are these haiku illegal?
I've not threatened the presidient.
Not yet anyway...
Well, the president and CEO of Disney, maybe,
but those cunts deserve it for fucking up Star Wars
so damn badly. Right?! Right. Nuke Disneyland Now!

I guess you've been reading the novel b/c I can't find
that exact version of "Penis fell off" poem anywhere else.

Maybe there's something wrong with me.
But at least I'm not you.

Have you ever met a woman who's into rapists and child molestors?
I have... One of the most unpleasant people I have ever met, in my long and twisted life. Someone who really enjoys hurting others. So messed up! Anyway, I digress...

The funny thing is that... I'm actually pretty damn boring in real life. This shit I write... it's just what I see around me, mostly. Often exaggerated, but often not.

Pardon me, I've got to go watch drunken idiots eat hard boiled duck abortions with loud slurping noises. My pasttime. Really!

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It's like Dr. Seuss
but if he were off his meds
except Viagra

Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection, I wave "yoo hoo",
my hand stuck to it with super glue.
What will you do if I wave it at you?

Would you laugh, or scream, or run away?
Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be amputee fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Blacklisted bastard.
Evade Dave is Evade Dave backward.

I've never smoked crack
but I have a webbed ass crack
Can you picture it?

Was it the good Lord
who made mushrooms so phallic?
Does the Bible say?

Pizza should be free
There's no delivery here
on Reservation

Marriage is stupid.
That just gives the whores control.
Better to beat off.

If I smoke some crack,
would I then be cool like you?
President Bush did.

I had two coffees.
And I think I'll have two more.
Because I'm awesome.

First thing comes to mind
is coming on someone's mind.
You're fucked in the head.

It takes ten minutes
for you to write a haiku?
Dude, like, come on, bro.

I know how to make
your schlong grow by 5 inches:
murder hornet stings!

New La-Z-Boy chair
with E-Z clean corduroy
glory hole option

Eat more sea urchins
Satisfy gonad cravings
Spiny and briny

Why not join a cult?
You'll get laid once in a while
and eat home cooked meals

Some mushrooms have gills
So, that means they must be fish
Oysters are mushrooms?

Boring-ass women.
Passive, feminine. At rest.
Won't even play catch.

A filipino?
I would much rather marry
A filipina.

Murder hornets here
Beat their nest with sticks and run
Low cost pinata

Not poisonous ones,
but annoying, certainly!
Flies, ants, mosquitoes.

And politicians.
And gold digging Filipinas.
And scam artists.

In the Philippines
Are insects a big problem?
Like poisonous ones?

You know what that's called
Yankee ingenuity
'til it's stuck up there

Juice pouches are death.
You can overdose on them.
Sweetened enemas.

At least you didn't
marry a Filipino;
lying, scamming cheats.

Do not marry whores.
Schlong wiped with one K pesos.
Stick to her forehead.

I am just joking!
You can hate me if you want.
I kind of like whores.

There is honesty.
Which beats fake love any day.
And it's way cheaper!

Who flew Haitians in
From their island paradise?
George Soros airlines?

No, I got married
But the groom was the devil
so I got divorced

The haiku question:
Why were you in Portugal...
Solving McCann case?

I was in Portugal

Marijuana use
Took a break for eighteen years
But I'm back at it

So where were you, Cat?
Wait, don't tell me -- Amsterdam!
Eternally stoned.

Any time is a good time to read The Bible, Janis.

It's worse overseas.
Local travel restrictions.
No freedom at all.

Middle class gets effed.
Only poor and rich are free.
And politicians.

Kids must stay at home.
No stores, malls, or public parks.
I want to shoot cops.

Okay, maybe not.
But you know what I'm sayin'.
Sucks without freedom.