Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 254 Days and 71038 Haikus later...

When the Doorbell Rings
Try our Jehovah's Witness
Protection Program
Haiku # 70612, May 4, 2021 3:21 am ET
by Author of the Definitive Guide of Making it Look Like Nobody's Home
Here there lies a frog.
Flattened and dehydrated.
What a great frisbee.

Oh, how children laugh
to see the old man throw it.
So aerodynamic.

It hits old Miss Jones.
Look how angry she's become.
Then he grabs her ass.
Haiku # 70611, May 3, 2021 4:59 pm ET
by The rest is history.
stilettos click-clack
a staccato on marble
necks crane in her wake
Haiku # 70610, May 3, 2021 2:36 pm ET
by vince
The dusty old trail
We've trudged since the dawn of time
leads to the toilet
Haiku # 70608, May 2, 2021 11:52 pm ET
by E. Rosion & E. Coli of Bottom of your shoe
It’s like Burma Shave
Think of the money you’ll save
Unzip pants and Wave!
Haiku # 70601, May 2, 2021 9:19 am ET
by Extended Handshake of Scenic Highway
with our selection
we guarantee perfection
for your erection

there's nothing iffy
with a cialis stiffy
your meat is spiffy

procrastinating ?
get pilled up for speed dating
why are you waiting ?
Haiku # 70600, May 2, 2021 8:35 am ET
by ash of online prescribing is big
If your mom walks in
when you are masturbatin,
that's embarrassing.

But if you walk in
when your mom's masturbating,
that scars you for life.
Haiku # 70598, May 1, 2021 9:05 pm ET
by Woukd have made a good Partridge Family episode... of course or a mini series.
They might not want that
Maybe they're just here to eat
Lots of good food here
Haiku # 70596, May 1, 2021 2:41 pm ET
by Unless they want to eat people....then you should fuck them
Don’t try to tell me
If aliens visit Earth
we shouldn’t fuck them
Haiku # 70595, May 1, 2021 7:30 am ET
by Open Minded of Earth
How embarrassing
This guy was meditating
and his Mom walked in
Haiku # 70593, May 1, 2021 4:36 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Bad Haiku (dot com)
is secretly owned by the
boner pill spammers.

Janis owns something
like twenty three percent of
all Cialis shares.
Haiku # 70590, April 30, 2021 6:37 pm ET
by I looked it up! It's true! I swear it! of I never lie!
Ostrich egg breakfast
You flip it with a shovel
for over easy
Haiku # 70586, April 30, 2021 7:37 am ET
by Birds R. Weird
I'm going to check that out
Thanks
Haiku # 70583, April 30, 2021 1:38 am ET
by Dog kisser
You seen Happiness?
The comedy by Todd Slondz?
The ending's perfect.

Always ask yourself,
"Have I kissed my dog today?"
If not, then you should.
Haiku # 70582, April 29, 2021 8:03 pm ET
by Brutal breakups, abusive relationships, and a pedophile husband. of What more could you ask for in a comedy?!
The first line has five
The second line has seven
Insufficient
Haiku # 70581, April 29, 2021 6:28 pm ET
by Ivica of Canada
Bathroom fishing trip
Toilet stocked with brown brook trout
Now we sit and wait
Haiku # 70580, April 29, 2021 11:54 am ET
by Haiku Poet of Gone Fishing
Dick jokes and pill spam
The lifeblood of bad haiku
Really a sad place.
Haiku # 70579, April 29, 2021 8:12 am ET
by Now I rember why I don't visit anymore
You'll live forever.
Eat Viagra like candy.
Wear loose fitting shorts.
Haiku # 70578, April 29, 2021 7:30 am ET
by Jerry's attic. of Geriatric.
Throw down the blue pills
Take matters in your own hands
It’s not that hard, man
Haiku # 70577, April 28, 2021 11:56 pm ET
by Alfred Lord Tendinitis of Vaseline aisle
You'll live forever.
Eat Viagra like candy.
Wear loose fitting shorts.
Haiku # 70575, April 28, 2021 6:27 pm ET
by Jerry's attic. of Geriatric.
Inspiration Point
And there's nothing one can say
Like, Fonz, I'm pregnant
Haiku # 70574, April 28, 2021 12:10 pm ET
by Joanie of Sat on it
inspiration fails
and there's nothing one can say
like catching covid
Haiku # 70573, April 28, 2021 8:43 am ET
by ash
Fukushima Glow
There you stand bathed in moonlight
Cause meltdown in pants
Haiku # 70570, April 28, 2021 4:27 am ET
by Kim Ono of Open
Beauregard lets wind
Junior Samples hoists his pants
B R 5 4 9
Haiku # 70569, April 28, 2021 1:44 am ET
by Hee Haw Haiku Honey of Kornfield
Clem! Clem they done it.
They made the Bad Haiku WORSE.
Lord, I'm jest pure skairt.
Haiku # 70568, April 27, 2021 7:52 pm ET
by Jethro McCoy of CORNPONE GULCH
Please buy Chinese watch:
Best quality Fuxiang gold
Can pay with Visa
Haiku # 70567, April 27, 2021 6:20 pm ET
by Guangshi Industrial Investment of RIP OFF ONLINE
shun faux boner pills
their promise does not stand up
and neither will yours
Haiku # 70565, April 27, 2021 8:40 am ET
by ash
Marriage Proposal
Rent a tux for your penis
Snapping turtle bride.
Haiku # 70564, April 27, 2021 2:30 am ET
by I mean one of those giant fucking aligator snapping turtles. of We're not fucking around here!
Geometric joy.
precise lines scar paper sheet.
thanks, paper shredder.
Haiku # 70563, April 27, 2021 2:13 am ET
by Doug Jiro of San Francisco
Business Proposal
Monthly Subscription Boxes
Penis Dress-Up Clothes
Haiku # 70560, April 26, 2021 2:35 am ET
by Vera Wang
Medicine cabinet
There’s an old sticker inside
And it says Slime Time
Haiku # 70559, April 26, 2021 2:29 am ET
by Your friend of Living in a dump
He plugged the toilet
Trying to flush the haikus
When the fuzz showed up
Haiku # 70558, April 26, 2021 12:37 am ET
by Legends of Bad Haiku of Sunday Edition
Well it all depends
Just how petit is Mortimer?
Call you Mort for short?
Haiku # 70557, April 25, 2021 9:57 pm ET
by Oscar Knight of Holding (ticket) stub
I've always said that
a little death never killed
anyone, you know.
Haiku # 70556, April 25, 2021 9:27 pm ET
by I can live with a little death. of Adult theater, Skid Row
Your French is on point
Pe-nez translates lower nose
Do you feel a sneeze?
Haiku # 70555, April 25, 2021 8:57 pm ET
by Chaton D’etoile
I’ve never seen it
None of the Ghostbusters films
Do you find that odd?
Haiku # 70554, April 25, 2021 8:48 pm ET
by Who you gonna call?
The overloaded
Ecto-Containment System
'cause Slimer jacked off

released a million
angry but satisfied ghouls
into the sewers.
Haiku # 70553, April 25, 2021 7:18 pm ET
by Ghostbusters IV -- The Nutting of Slimer
I crave heirloom beef.
Oh, to dine on cows of yore.
It be mine, not yours.
Haiku # 70552, April 25, 2021 7:10 pm ET
by What do you call gay ghost blood? of Homogoblin hemoglobin. Slimer's got a boner!
When Jesus returned
did his friends call him "The Rez"
or was it just "brah".?
Haiku # 70551, April 25, 2021 7:06 pm ET
by And did they have Easter ham? of and THC trippy colored eggs?
You don't need ass wipe!
Spray away with a bidet.
Save the planet, dude.
Haiku # 70550, April 25, 2021 4:30 pm ET
by Seriously! of This is no joke.
Rooster are crowing.
That means my cock is awake.
The crows are roosting.
Haiku # 70549, April 25, 2021 4:24 pm ET
by Water baloons filled with pig semen. of 10 story drop on Pfizer CEO. Good story.
Rez fez Pez lez nez.
E-wreck-shun fun in the sun.
My bronze tanned boner.
Haiku # 70548, April 25, 2021 4:17 pm ET
by I think nez is French hor nose. of I was right!
I wouldn't mind it
If they'd just sell LSD
And not hardon pills.
Haiku # 70547, April 25, 2021 4:11 pm ET
by Tie dye erections of Eastet egg rez-erection
They won't sell it here
Poets live in poverty
Can't afford ass wipe
Haiku # 70546, April 25, 2021 12:45 pm ET
by Mittens Brown of No, I am not a cat
www.themindmap.co.uk
Haiku # 70545, April 25, 2021 7:59 am ET
by themindmap of uk
Stupid turd-worlders
Selling Levitra on here
By pressing buttons
Haiku # 70544, April 25, 2021 7:24 am ET
by Russians and Ukrainians too
compressed queef vapors.
one hundrend twelve atmospheres.
mix up at dentist's.
Haiku # 70541, April 25, 2021 1:26 am ET
by nothing to laugh about
My previous haiku
has not enough vaginas,
but neither does this one.
Haiku # 70540, April 25, 2021 1:21 am ET
by Cloned sex slaves, partially lobotomized, servile and horny, at prices you can afford! of Buy one, get one free!
Leave your underwear
Where everyone can see them
The stains of glory.
Haiku # 70539, April 24, 2021 9:00 pm ET
by Jackson Pollock
21 to drink.
Should be the same for cell phones.
13 to get high.
Haiku # 70538, April 24, 2021 8:53 pm ET
by Godzilla for President of Kong can sit in the back of the bus.
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