Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 77 Days and 76269 Haiku later...

I wouldn't mind it
If they'd just sell LSD
And not hardon pills.
Haiku # 70547, April 25, 2021 4:11 pm ET
by Tie dye erections of Eastet egg rez-erection
They won't sell it here
Poets live in poverty
Can't afford ass wipe
Haiku # 70546, April 25, 2021 12:45 pm ET
by Mittens Brown of No, I am not a cat
Haiku # 70545, April 25, 2021 7:59 am ET
by themindmap of uk
Stupid turd-worlders
Selling Levitra on here
By pressing buttons
Haiku # 70544, April 25, 2021 7:24 am ET
by Russians and Ukrainians too
compressed queef vapors.
one hundrend twelve atmospheres.
mix up at dentist's.
Haiku # 70541, April 25, 2021 1:26 am ET
by nothing to laugh about
My previous haiku
has not enough vaginas,
but neither does this one.
Haiku # 70540, April 25, 2021 1:21 am ET
by Cloned sex slaves, partially lobotomized, servile and horny, at prices you can afford! of Buy one, get one free!
Leave your underwear
Where everyone can see them
The stains of glory.
Haiku # 70539, April 24, 2021 9:00 pm ET
by Jackson Pollock
21 to drink.
Should be the same for cell phones.
13 to get high.
Haiku # 70538, April 24, 2021 8:53 pm ET
by Godzilla for President of Kong can sit in the back of the bus.
my previous haiku
has not enough syllables
so this has one extra
Haiku # 70537, April 24, 2021 8:45 pm ET
by ash of making it up as i go
My old elixir
is called placenta farte
Each sip's a partay.
Haiku # 70536, April 24, 2021 8:45 pm ET
by Anonymous pooet
Occupy your time
You silly noodle slurpers
Brad Pitts' under arms
Haiku # 70535, April 24, 2021 8:41 pm ET
by Pitts' pits of You are silly. Noodles aren't. Just to clarify. Like ghee butter.
Home grown is the best
Lest you've lost your zest for life
Strife of parasites
Haiku # 70534, April 24, 2021 8:36 pm ET
by Parachute landing sites of Elderly people dropped all over the city from 3 miles up, Chinese bomber planes.
When I visit here
Hulk Hogan spews in my face
Whole wheat date muffins
Haiku # 70533, April 24, 2021 8:32 pm ET
by Always plural of Puffin rural
Laugh your way through life
People will think you’re crazy
You’ll have the last laugh
Haiku # 70532, April 24, 2021 3:35 pm ET
by Dean of Students of Laughing Academy
my new elixir
will be called placebo forte
and cost a bomb
Haiku # 70531, April 24, 2021 2:46 am ET
by ash
“I don’t see Alice.”
I lied to Sam the Butcher
Then gave her the meat
Haiku # 70530, April 24, 2021 12:21 am ET
by A different butcher of Brady Bunch Lost Episodes
Limp demographic
They followed the trail to here
You know who you are
Haiku # 70527, April 23, 2021 8:54 pm ET
by Stiff Competition of if you're limp we won't hold it against you
Dumb-ass new drug names:
Abilify. Somnigu.
Sound fucking stupid.
Haiku # 70524, April 23, 2021 5:22 pm ET
by pharmaceutical commissions of CRIMES
Go ahead, ask me
Ask me if I care about
Haiku # 70522, April 23, 2021 2:38 am ET
by The Count (puppet version of Darth) of Philippines Educational Television
Hippodrome Horse Course
A horse is a horse (of course)
Neighsayers eat hay
Haiku # 70520, April 22, 2021 11:20 pm ET
by Mysterio of Philly
Father, forgive me
I ate the zookeeper whole
and shat out his shoes
Haiku # 70519, April 22, 2021 11:10 pm ET
by Take 2 Hail Marys and call me in the morning of Hippodrome
That Seth is creepy
Are you a New Age Weirdo?
Change the channel, man
Haiku # 70518, April 22, 2021 10:03 pm ET
by Seth is Trash
Re: your proposal
When you got down on one knee
I saw your bald spot
Haiku # 70517, April 22, 2021 9:58 pm ET
by Runaway Bride to be or not to be of Nunya
Higher criticism:
I know what you want to do...
But you gonna choke
Haiku # 70515, April 22, 2021 8:52 pm ET
by omnipotent of omniscient
Hippo can't wank it
Because he doesn't have hands
He needs to make friends
Haiku # 70514, April 22, 2021 7:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Catholic hippo
feeling a little bit blue
'cuz he can't wank it
Haiku # 70513, April 22, 2021 5:57 pm ET
by wank-n-tug of bumbleshire
Great changes are occuring
Saul is closing
Haiku # 70512, April 22, 2021 5:48 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of sltx
beautiful is word 
not describing most ladies
but those hippos though
Haiku # 70511, April 22, 2021 5:42 pm ET
by zoophile of uown dnder
i can't write badly
prized literature follows:
suck my dick and balls
Haiku # 70510, April 22, 2021 5:31 pm ET
by c--n of sltx
I asked you something
I asked you to marry me
What is your reply?
Haiku # 70509, April 22, 2021 5:27 pm ET
by Mr. Nuts and Balls of Factory
Have you ever watched
pachyderm-octopus porn
besides in Japan?
Haiku # 70507, April 22, 2021 9:20 am ET
by nipping nippers
well i fucked that up
aberrant apostrophe
irks the pedantic
Haiku # 70506, April 22, 2021 9:09 am ET
by ash
raped Tom Bosley's tight asshole
and not one soul cared.
Haiku # 70505, April 22, 2021 9:07 am ET
by Pachyderm sperm!
pickled octopus
eye's the fisherman's cute wife
and wants to eat out
Haiku # 70504, April 22, 2021 9:07 am ET
by ash
Tom Bosley's hemorrhoids
Aged in a dark cave. Deep Fried.
Not unlike pork rinds.
Haiku # 70503, April 22, 2021 1:28 am ET
by Mrs. C of Cunt
Annoying bird chirps
Incoming pigeon splat load
Cassowary....... Help!!!
Haiku # 70502, April 22, 2021 1:22 am ET
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Haiku # 70501, April 21, 2021 8:33 am ET
by Heatherbrity of Russia
What do they dream of,
those silly cephalopods?
Jap girls and burgers?
Haiku # 70500, April 21, 2021 4:24 am ET
by Because why not?
Undersea grow op
They’re smoking funny seaweed
Baked cephalopods
Haiku # 70499, April 21, 2021 3:08 am ET
by Electric eel of Spying
Don't get snappy, dear
Just a misunderstanding
Thought it aged like cheese
Haiku # 70498, April 21, 2021 12:53 am ET
by Canceller of Of New Years Plans
I mean PAST New Years.
A long fucking time ago.
Parties in college.
Haiku # 70497, April 21, 2021 12:25 am ET
by duh.
You do plan ahead
What about Arbor Day, Darth?
Free Wood Giveaway?
Haiku # 70496, April 20, 2021 9:35 pm ET
by Avid Tree Climber and I don’t wear undies
Mixed my spooge with rum.
Filled a "Super Soaker" gun.
Free "shots" on New Years.
Haiku # 70495, April 20, 2021 7:56 pm ET
by "Bacardi and ... what's that familiar taste?" of Fraternity Hi-Jinks.
Balls swing to and fro,
pendular, hairy, and moist.
Find the frequency.
Haiku # 70494, April 20, 2021 7:51 pm ET
by Professor Ernest Moniz of Accelerate this!
You'll never forget
that rollercoaster handjob
and neither will I
Haiku # 70493, April 20, 2021 7:49 pm ET
by Person who was seated behind you of Something in my eye
Dogs ate the cat's puke.
In fact they fought over it.
That's one proud feline.
Haiku # 70492, April 20, 2021 7:44 pm ET
by Alvin Kibel, Professor Emeritus of MIT School of Literature
MIT Chem 1 exam question:
Calculate the number of fart molecules adsorbed onto your toothbrush bristles the morning after your uncle Phineas stayed over, assuming (1) he made his famous jalepeno chili cheese burgers and (2) first order reaction kinetics. The Henry's Law constant for methane is 0.0014 M/atm and the percent methane in uncle Phineas' farts is 8.32%. Ignore other gases. List any other assumptions you need to make in order to perform the calculations. Blowjobs or cocaine will also be accepted for credit on this question.
Haiku # 70491, April 20, 2021 7:35 pm ET
by Professor Buchwald of Dreyfus Building, Room 420
You need a blowjob
from a sexy octopus.
Stay away from squids.
Haiku # 70490, April 20, 2021 5:24 pm ET
by "It doesn't matter when it's Arcturian, baby."
Thought twat fought brought snot.
Bring sling string my ding-a-ling.
12(-299.6)-0-3(24.4)=-3668.4 kJ
Spontaneous humpabillity factor.
K-Tel Hits of the 70s!
Haiku # 70489, April 20, 2021 4:28 pm ET
by You bought it!
The fart molecules
caught in your toothbrush moustache
Gesundheit, assholes!
Haiku # 70486, April 20, 2021 10:37 am ET
by Rug Doctor of Carpet Chewers Anonymous
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