They won't sell it here
Poets live in poverty
Can't afford ass wipe
by Mittens Brown of No, I am not a cat
www.themindmap.co.uk
by themindmap of uk
Stupid turd-worlders
Selling Levitra on here
By pressing buttons
by Russians and Ukrainians too
compressed queef vapors.
one hundrend twelve atmospheres.
mix up at dentist's.
by nothing to laugh about
My previous haiku
has not enough vaginas,
but neither does this one.
by Cloned sex slaves, partially lobotomized, servile and horny, at prices you can afford! of Buy one, get one free!
Leave your underwear
Where everyone can see them
The stains of glory.
by Jackson Pollock
21 to drink.
Should be the same for cell phones.
13 to get high.
by Godzilla for President of Kong can sit in the back of the bus.
my previous haiku
has not enough syllables
so this has one extra
by ash of making it up as i go
My old elixir
is called placenta farte
Each sip's a partay.
by Anonymous pooet
Occupy your time
You silly noodle slurpers
Brad Pitts' under arms
by Pitts' pits of You are silly. Noodles aren't. Just to clarify. Like ghee butter.
Home grown is the best
Lest you've lost your zest for life
Strife of parasites
by Parachute landing sites of Elderly people dropped all over the city from 3 miles up, Chinese bomber planes.
When I visit here
Hulk Hogan spews in my face
Whole wheat date muffins
by Always plural of Puffin rural
Laugh your way through life
People will think you’re crazy
You’ll have the last laugh
by Dean of Students of Laughing Academy
my new elixir
will be called placebo forte
and cost a bomb
by ash
“I don’t see Alice.”
I lied to Sam the Butcher
Then gave her the meat
by A different butcher of Brady Bunch Lost Episodes
Limp demographic
They followed the trail to here
You know who you are
by Stiff Competition of if you're limp we won't hold it against you
Dumb-ass new drug names:
Abilify. Somnigu.
Sound fucking stupid.
by pharmaceutical commissions of CRIMES
Go ahead, ask me
Ask me if I care about
Snuffleupagus
by The Count (puppet version of Darth) of Philippines Educational Television
Hippodrome Horse Course
A horse is a horse (of course)
Neighsayers eat hay
by Mysterio of Philly
Father, forgive me
I ate the zookeeper whole
and shat out his shoes
by Take 2 Hail Marys and call me in the morning of Hippodrome
That Seth is creepy
Are you a New Age Weirdo?
Change the channel, man
by Seth is Trash
Re: your proposal
When you got down on one knee
I saw your bald spot
by Runaway Bride to be or not to be of Nunya
Higher criticism:
I know what you want to do...
But you gonna choke
by omnipotent of omniscient
Hippo can't wank it
Because he doesn't have hands
He needs to make friends
by Anonymous Poet
Catholic hippo
feeling a little bit blue
'cuz he can't wank it
by wank-n-tug of bumbleshire
Hippopotamus
Great changes are occuring
Saul is closing
by Anonymous Poet of sltx
beautiful is word
not describing most ladies
but those hippos though
by zoophile of uown dnder
i can't write badly
prized literature follows:
suck my dick and balls
by c--n of sltx
I asked you something
I asked you to marry me
What is your reply?
by Mr. Nuts and Balls of Factory
Have you ever watched
pachyderm-octopus porn
besides in Japan?
by nipping nippers
well i fucked that up
aberrant apostrophe
irks the pedantic
by ash
Snuffalupagus
raped Tom Bosley's tight asshole
and not one soul cared.
by Pachyderm sperm!
pickled octopus
eye's the fisherman's cute wife
and wants to eat out
by ash
Tom Bosley's hemorrhoids
Aged in a dark cave. Deep Fried.
Not unlike pork rinds.
by Mrs. C of Cunt
Annoying bird chirps
Incoming pigeon splat load
Cassowary....... Help!!!
by Bird Avoider
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by Heatherbrity of Russia
What do they dream of,
those silly cephalopods?
Jap girls and burgers?
by Because why not?
Undersea grow op
They’re smoking funny seaweed
Baked cephalopods
by Electric eel of Spying
Don't get snappy, dear
Just a misunderstanding
Thought it aged like cheese
by Canceller of Of New Years Plans
I mean PAST New Years.
A long fucking time ago.
Parties in college.
by duh.
You do plan ahead
What about Arbor Day, Darth?
Free Wood Giveaway?
by Avid Tree Climber and I don’t wear undies
Mixed my spooge with rum.
Filled a "Super Soaker" gun.
Free "shots" on New Years.
by "Bacardi and ... what's that familiar taste?" of Fraternity Hi-Jinks.
Balls swing to and fro,
pendular, hairy, and moist.
Find the frequency.
by Professor Ernest Moniz of Accelerate this!
You'll never forget
that rollercoaster handjob
and neither will I
by Person who was seated behind you of Something in my eye
Dogs ate the cat's puke.
In fact they fought over it.
That's one proud feline.
by Alvin Kibel, Professor Emeritus of MIT School of Literature
MIT Chem 1 exam question:
Calculate the number of fart molecules adsorbed onto your toothbrush bristles the morning after your uncle Phineas stayed over, assuming (1) he made his famous jalepeno chili cheese burgers and (2) first order reaction kinetics. The Henry's Law constant for methane is 0.0014 M/atm and the percent methane in uncle Phineas' farts is 8.32%. Ignore other gases. List any other assumptions you need to make in order to perform the calculations. Blowjobs or cocaine will also be accepted for credit on this question.
by Professor Buchwald of Dreyfus Building, Room 420
You need a blowjob
from a sexy octopus.
Stay away from squids.
by "It doesn't matter when it's Arcturian, baby."
Thought twat fought brought snot.
Bring sling string my ding-a-ling.
12(-299.6)-0-3(24.4)=-3668.4 kJ
Spontaneous humpabillity factor.
K-Tel Hits of the 70s!
by You bought it!
The fart molecules
caught in your toothbrush moustache
Gesundheit, assholes!
by Rug Doctor of Carpet Chewers Anonymous
Misdiagnosis
It wasn’t sleep apnea
Just dick in the mouth
by Insomniac of One eye open
