Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 217 Days and 77133 Haiku later...

trump can take a dump
purge that republican rump
all hands to the pump
Haiku # 68640, November 7, 2020 1:55 am ET
by ash
The Church...Tantalized
Marijuana Doggie Bag
Get high for decades
Haiku # 68639, November 6, 2020 8:57 pm ET
by Starkitten of Anywhere marijuana can be found
synth aesthesia
artistic affectation
asymmetric shirts

hearing the 80's
is like another planet
sent you their message
Haiku # 68638, November 6, 2020 8:25 pm ET
by ash
the cosplay of leadership
as the empire falls
Haiku # 68637, November 6, 2020 7:39 pm ET
by ash
What kind of a guy
throws up in the kitchen sink
and just leaves it there?
Haiku # 68636, November 6, 2020 4:17 am ET
by I. Wenttogetadrinkofwater of Exiting Kitchen
as the spotlight fades
once a glowing mandarin
now a dull orange
Haiku # 68635, November 6, 2020 3:17 am ET
by ash
When the geese fly by
I always stop in my tracks
What else can you do?
Haiku # 68634, November 6, 2020 2:25 am ET
by Starkitten of Out in the cold
Here comes the BIG CHEESE
An homage to the fromage
Fromunda your balls
Haiku # 68633, November 5, 2020 9:44 pm ET
by Dairy Alien of Cheddarsphere
Darth, you CHEESE-eater;
Refined bourgeois gentleman.
Who is your tailor?
Haiku # 68632, November 5, 2020 7:05 am ET
by Wicked Gentlemen's Retinue of Society Hill
Kinda personal
Have you ever banged a corpse?
You're going to Hell
Haiku # 68631, November 5, 2020 4:21 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
The Fonz jumped a shark.
He never made love to one.
Teeth do not scare me.

My Vespa's beats his
Triumph Trophy TR5.
Chicks cream on Vespas.
Haiku # 68630, November 5, 2020 3:11 am ET
by Mortician Winkler banged a corpse. of Night Shift director's cut.
The Fonz checks his look
(Whines) "I'll never be as cool
as Darth Figpucker"
Haiku # 68629, November 5, 2020 2:54 am ET
by Arthur Fonzarelli of Arnold's
Haiku # 68628, November 5, 2020 1:01 am ET
by Michtel Robertson of USA
Maybe I can help
Is someone hoarding the cheese?
What planet u on?
Haiku # 68627, November 4, 2020 11:25 pm ET
by The Big Cheese of Moon
All I want is CHEESE!
REAL motherfucking dairy!
It's too much to ask?!?!
Haiku # 68626, November 4, 2020 10:46 pm ET
by Fond of Fondue -- it's fon to do.
i am not a bot,
really i am not a bot just
very annoying
Haiku # 68625, November 4, 2020 9:14 pm ET
by vhs of dvd knows me
who knew that all your
base would not belong to us
but end up with them
Haiku # 68624, November 4, 2020 9:13 pm ET
by vhs of war was beginning...
who knew that all your
base would not belong to us
but end up with them
Haiku # 68623, November 4, 2020 9:13 pm ET
by vhs of war was beginning...
ah who sold us out
chyna, russia or maybe
harvey weinstein, stat.
Haiku # 68622, November 4, 2020 9:01 pm ET
by vhs
Pheonix? Phonics
cannot help us at this point.
Count those votes, suckers...
Haiku # 68621, November 4, 2020 8:58 pm ET
by Who Sold the Ballot Machines ?
i am burned to the
ground in inhuman revolt
pheonix rising up
Haiku # 68620, November 4, 2020 8:53 pm ET
by VHS
not spoilt for choices
vote for either old white man
it's still america
Haiku # 68619, November 4, 2020 8:47 pm ET
by ash
does it take an huge
erection dysfunction or
election recount?
Haiku # 68618, November 4, 2020 8:45 pm ET
by Tommy VHSeau of Lisa you are tearing me apart!!!!
Trump or Biden? don't care
I will still smoke weed and hate
these old white fuckers
Haiku # 68617, November 3, 2020 10:23 pm ET
by Line of lines
Looks like the orange abomination could pull it off! Congrats to Russia for their hacking abilities.
Haiku # 68616, November 3, 2020 10:12 pm ET
Badhaiku dot com
The fastest, most accurate
election results.
Haiku # 68615, November 3, 2020 6:52 pm ET
by You heard it here first! of The Kremlin
That was funny, Darth
Haiku # 68614, November 3, 2020 6:44 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Fuck the electoral college.
Fuck it in its ass.
Losers boofing Russian vodka.
That's what college kids do.
Emergency room alcohol poisoning.
It was external, not anal this time.
Covid disinfectant drunk.
Expelled! Please don't come back!
Haiku # 68613, November 3, 2020 5:23 pm ET
by Sigma Cum Laude of Cheeto University (she'd always cum loud).
Trump will drag it on.
I'd like to see him in drag.
Short dress and lipstick.
Haiku # 68612, November 3, 2020 5:14 pm ET
by Hunter Biden
My penis fell off.
I glued on some ugly hair
and painted it orange.

Then it ran away.
If any of you see it,
tell it please come home.

No more cosmetics.
I promise. Please come back home.
I need to go pee.

I miss you, penis.
And I miss what you stood for.
Don't do this to me.
Haiku # 68611, November 3, 2020 4:51 pm ET
by 100 peso reward of And all the balot you can eat.
They will drag this on
for weeks and months probably.
Electoral joke.
Haiku # 68610, November 3, 2020 3:04 pm ET
by Vote-counters of Josef V. Djugashvili
In the line to vote:
Someone said "Salty Cracker"
We started chatting.
Haiku # 68609, November 3, 2020 2:31 pm ET
by Salty Army of Assaulting Haiku Bases
I feel terrible.
The Beruit blast was my fault.
Yo. Sorry. My bad.
Haiku # 68608, November 3, 2020 7:28 am ET
by I just really like fireworks.
The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man
injected with low quality orange sherbet.
How can you not vote for such a sweet fella?
Haiku # 68607, November 3, 2020 7:24 am ET
by I don't care about his taxes. of I want a DNA test to prove he's human!
I wore a yamika
with a harmonica
playing Hava Naguila
watching Godzilla
whatever the hell that means.
Haiku # 68606, November 3, 2020 7:21 am ET
by Yo! Lox and bagels in the motherfuckin' house, bitch! of Rugelach Ness Monster -- about tree fiddy
vote for a potus
not that incumbent scrotus
feeding you lotus
Haiku # 68605, November 3, 2020 7:14 am ET
by ash
We bought M-80s,
Used sparklers as the fuses:
Hilton men's room. BOOM!!
Haiku # 68604, November 3, 2020 6:22 am ET
by Nairobi Hilton of circa 1979
Haha Funny stuff
Should be reenacted like
Unsolved Mysteries
Haiku # 68603, November 3, 2020 5:55 am ET
by Did you wear a beanie of With a propellor?
Hollywood monsters
are getting way too big now.
Like what's up with that?!
Haiku # 68602, November 3, 2020 3:09 am ET
Thanksgiving dinner.
Who's looking forward to it?
Gobble gobble burp.
Haiku # 68601, November 3, 2020 3:06 am ET
To go back in time.
I'd kick my ass so damn hard.
What a wasted life.

Then I stop and think;
try to look the brigt side--
At least I don't write fucking haiku!
Haiku # 68600, November 3, 2020 3:02 am ET
This is no haiku.
But then you knew that already.
What should we call it?
Haiku # 68599, November 3, 2020 2:57 am ET
I pulled the airplane from the sky.
It made funny noises.
I thought about letting it go.
But then it was too late.
Haiku # 68598, November 3, 2020 2:55 am ET
God does not love you.
By the way, neither do I.
But then no one does.
Haiku # 68597, November 3, 2020 2:54 am ET
Plain yogurt mixed with bananas and berries.
I felt the need to write that.
Can you explain it?
Enthrall me with your acumen, agent Starling.
Haiku # 68596, November 3, 2020 2:51 am ET
Once I went into a pick-yer-dilly caffeteria in the mall, not to eat, but just to use their bathroom. I was with a friend and and older gent was in the poo stall groaning and moaning with enormous poo splatter sounds and to a couple of young teenage boys, this was effing hilarious. We also set off fireworks in the mall once. And countless shoplifting adventures and vandelism. Hmmm... Oh yeah, once in an outdoor mall they had a kids merry-go-round that you put quarters in to get it spinning... well, no one was around so we peed all over it. And there was the time my friend (different friend) lobbed a fire-bomb at the fur coat store. that was cool, but sadly fell short b/c it kind of bounced off. LOL. What a dumb fart. We're talkign like 40 years ago. Can't think of much else. ... OH Wait! The best one, how could I forget this. Same friend who threw the firebomb... we got some long sticks and put chewing gum on the end and plucked dollar bills out the Salvation Army giant iron collection kettle that was closed off with a grate that you could drop money through. We went in the mall early and really raked up. Ah, the good old days.

And you, my friend? What horrid things had you done in your glory days?

Speaking of glory, we had talked about this, but never did it... find some glory hold hang out like public parks or whatever, and when the dick goes through, superglue the mother fucker. LOL.. Kind of wish we'd done that. Life.
Haiku # 68595, November 3, 2020 2:42 am ET
by Your turn!
Tell us a story
Like the mall shenanigans
You must have plenty
Haiku # 68594, November 3, 2020 1:27 am ET
by All Ears of Under old willow
I inhaled Hitler and Gandhi's farts simultaneously.
The molecules reacted, as molecules do sometime.
It spoke to me and said to stop writing these things.
It's message to me is supposed to be a secret.
By telling you this I've broken a horrible tabu.
I am prepared for my punishment -- truth must be spoken!
Fuck the molecules!
Even the very molecules of our bodies were once
farts at some point in time.
Dinosaurs, Hitler, Pee-Wee Herman, you and I.
Breathe deeply. Absorb the hatered. Join with it.
Saturate the universe with your hate.
Let it flow from your ass with a thunderous roar!
No more timid trouser squeaks!
Let the cyanide flow!
Haiku # 68593, November 3, 2020 1:00 am ET
Yoga position
Stretches the sore ass muscles
Called the pigeon pose
Haiku # 68592, November 2, 2020 10:27 pm ET
by I. Justshitonthesidewalk of Brooklyn Heights, NY
Did you just inhale
Hitler's fart molecules, Darth?
Do they have a smell?
Haiku # 68591, November 2, 2020 9:09 pm ET
by Dinosaur Fart of Breeze
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