I will not thank you
I would much rather spank you
Tom Bosley's anus

Dressing room mirror
Do these pants make me look fat?
Oops I just sharted

See what I did there?
Made a troll look in the mirror
And he went away

Sixty four degrees
My favorite temperature
Thought you d like to know

Traveling salesmen
Showing housewives their big dinks
Business is booming

Come on, admit it
When you think no one s looking
You read my haikus

Oh but I know you...
Marshmallow....so soft and white
Empty calories

Missed a spot for sure
Huge bright orange piece of dung
In ill fitting suit

You personify
Redundancy and dullness.
Glad to not know you.

In Trump tower? Hmmmm
Probably cleaning toilets
Hey, you missed a spot

Let me sing for you....
Feeeelings, woah woah woah feelings...
Now I feel better

"Farts, pee, eating twat,
Eff God/Allah/Buddha/Christ,
Your haiku are dull."

Did George Washington
Remove his gross wooden teeth
For cunnilingus?

All the windows up
That s when Grandfather lets wind
Sputtering along

I m in big trouble
What do you think I should do?
I need your advice

He's no longer he
Since he has become a she
Now he sits to pee

God sucks Allah's dick
I could draw you a picture
But that would be wrong

Like an episode
Little House on the Prairie
Michael Landon s dink

Fire thy physician
Take matters in your own mouth
Suck out the poison

Azithromycin.
Eradicates testy germs.
Vacate my testes!

Snow cones made
from pee
Thick ejaculate milkshakes
Chewy fecal fudge

Wednesday underwear
Did Jesus go commando?
Share your thoughts on this

Only God could change
a broken record like you.
And we hope He does...

Tom Bosley s anus
Brian Wilson s depressed taint
John Boy Walton s Mole

Viagra!!! That's good!
Hell, I inject salt peter
to keep from nutting.

Boners -- no problem!
Spooging my pants in light breeze,
well, embarrassing.

I jack it three times
every morning or else
I'm hard all damn day.

I would be in porn
if only it weren't so small.
Damn thou, cruel fates!

Are angels sexy?
Like Charlie's angels sexy?
Tom Bosley's anus

Footsteps in the hall
Time for your medication
Here s your Viagra, Darth

Religion is dead.
God does not deserve to live.
Worship your cellphones.

I've got a headache.
Ibuprofen did no good.
I need a hooker.

Hot bicycle seat
My shriveled penis flops down
Like a tired old dog

Tuesday underwear
Not yet insulted by stains
Monday ones are shot

Under bent willow
Drunk father in law passed out
A good example

Cheerleading tryouts
This zit is ruining my life!
So inconvenient

Monday underwear
Should I wash them or toss them?
Or wear one more day?

Your an big dumb shit
Stoopid stinkee idiot
Cum lick my armpit

Can honestly say
Your haiku is the worstest
I have ever smelled

Under construction
New house shaped like a penis
Realistic veins

He snotted the walk.
Blocked one side of noz and blew.
Proper slimed the pave.

Unwary walkers
nearly busted their noggins
slipping all about.

Quite a crust it left
as it dried in the hot sun.
Ants gathered to feast.

Grizzly bear stopper
A cast iron frying pan
Applied to the head

a very strange man
argues loudly with himself;
hasn't bathed this month.

Evil Orange Drumpf--
He's literally Hitler,
but much much much WORSE.

Dear Liberal nut-case:
Your fatal error is this . . .
Trump is popular!

Lefty Progressives:
Could you please stop projecting?
We don't think like you.
And not such a prick?

Lost a contact lens
At the swimming pool. Found it!
Oh no. Verruca.

No need to worry.
Sea cucumbers have no brain.
Just nerves and reflex.

Although it's rumored
some of them write poetry,
but won't admit it.

Mister President:
Could you please be less racist?
And not such a prick?

Feels good up my arse
Do sea cucumbers feel pain?
Certainly hope not

Call Richard Simmons
Feast your eyes upon this gut
Get outta my way!

So, what do you think.
Football should be played with swords.
And butt-assed naked.

Birds in gilded cage.
That's what Americans are.
I wish I was there.