BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
70 Days
69707 Haikus
Religion is dead.
God does not deserve to live.
Worship your cellphones.
Haiku #65339, by Anonymous Poet
July 16, 2019 10:31 pm ET

I've got a headache.
Ibuprofen did no good.
I need a hooker.
Haiku #65338, by Anonymous Poet
July 16, 2019 6:37 pm ET

Hot bicycle seat
My shriveled penis flops down
Like a tired old dog
Haiku #65337, by Dog days of summer of Man's best friend
July 16, 2019 6:08 am ET

Tuesday underwear
Not yet insulted by stains
Monday ones are shot
Haiku #65336, by The struggle
July 16, 2019 4:11 am ET

Under bent willow
Drunk father in law passed out
A good example
Haiku #65335, by Saki overload
July 16, 2019 4:09 am ET

Cheerleading tryouts
This zit is ruining my life!
So inconvenient
Haiku #65334, by Heidi
July 16, 2019 2:39 am ET

Monday underwear
Should I wash them or toss them?
Or wear one more day?
Haiku #65333, by Need input
July 16, 2019 2:08 am ET

Your an big dumb shit
Stoopid stinkee idiot
Cum lick my armpit
Haiku #65332, by Master of Rhyme
July 16, 2019 12:38 am ET

Can honestly say
Your haiku is the worstest
I have ever smelled
Haiku #65331, by Anonymous Poet
July 15, 2019 11:16 pm ET

Under construction
New house shaped like a penis
Realistic veins
Haiku #65330, by 3 bedroom dink of Cul de sac
July 15, 2019 9:13 pm ET

He snotted the walk.
Blocked one side of noz and blew.
Proper slimed the pave.

Unwary walkers
nearly busted their noggins
slipping all about.

Quite a crust it left
as it dried in the hot sun.
Ants gathered to feast.
Haiku #65329, by Anonymous Poet
July 15, 2019 4:59 pm ET

Grizzly bear stopper
A cast iron frying pan
Applied to the head
Haiku #65328, by Not Guaranteed
July 15, 2019 4:15 pm ET

a very strange man
argues loudly with himself;
hasn't bathed this month.
Haiku #65327, by Anonymous Poet
July 15, 2019 10:39 am ET

Evil Orange Drumpf--
He's literally Hitler,
but much much much WORSE.
Haiku #65326, by That's Why 4 More Years of Trump Derangement for You
July 15, 2019 10:14 am ET

Dear Liberal nut-case:
Your fatal error is this . . .
Trump is popular!
Haiku #65325, by Metrosexual Victimology of Flyover America
July 15, 2019 10:08 am ET

Lefty Progressives:
Could you please stop projecting?
We don't think like you.
And not such a prick?
Haiku #65324, by Half of the U.S. Population of Cheeto Hitler 2020
July 15, 2019 10:02 am ET

Lost a contact lens
At the swimming pool. Found it!
Oh no. Verruca.
Haiku #65323, by Toby Edwards of London, UK
July 15, 2019 9:50 am ET

No need to worry.
Sea cucumbers have no brain.
Just nerves and reflex.

Although it's rumored
some of them write poetry,
but won't admit it.
Haiku #65322, by Sea cucumbers and star fish are closely related, fun fact.
July 15, 2019 8:57 am ET

Mister President:
Could you please be less racist?
And not such a prick?
Haiku #65321, by All the people of planet Earth
July 15, 2019 8:14 am ET

Feels good up my arse
Do sea cucumbers feel pain?
Certainly hope not
Haiku #65320, by Jacques Itch
July 15, 2019 2:00 am ET

Call Richard Simmons
Feast your eyes upon this gut
Get outta my way!
Haiku #65319, by Double Gut
July 15, 2019 1:31 am ET

So, what do you think.
Football should be played with swords.
And butt-assed naked.
Haiku #65318, by Am I right or what?
July 15, 2019 12:55 am ET

Birds in gilded cage.
That's what Americans are.
I wish I was there.
Haiku #65317, by Anonymous Poet
July 14, 2019 10:48 pm ET

Trolls have no freedom.
Slaves to their own obsession.
Which makes them funny.
Haiku #65316, by Anonymous Poet
July 14, 2019 10:36 am ET

I don't like football.
And I did GTFO.
Not sure it was smart.
Haiku #65315, by But at least I'm free.
July 14, 2019 6:49 am ET

Your paid big money
To chase a fooking foot ball
Millions of green backs!

But you are oppressed
And hate America
Cry baby @$$ hat!

Get down on your knees
And thank God you were born here
Haiku #65314, by Rolang of 7734
July 14, 2019 6:26 am ET

Your paid big money
To chase a fooking foot ball
Millions of green back

But you are oppressed
And hate America
Cry baby @$$ hat!
Haiku #65313, by Rolang of howthehellIknow
July 14, 2019 6:21 am ET

Noisy bastardo's
Barking fooking GD dogs
No muffler chit cars

yowling stupid chit
Slamming fooking condo doors
Running power tools

American clods
Making noise like circus seals
Please shut the fuck up
Haiku #65312, by Rolang of howthehellIknow
July 14, 2019 6:13 am ET

Treasure your fat wife
And tell that other poet
To stop cry whining
Haiku #65311, by Advice
July 14, 2019 3:30 am ET

What is religion?
God almighty obsession
Can quit any time
Haiku #65310, by Stalking Jeezus
July 13, 2019 11:55 pm ET

What a vile dimwit:
projecting your obsessions
on the rest of us.
Haiku #65309, by Be Saved or Be Damned
July 13, 2019 10:36 pm ET

My brethren poets.
Always lend a helping hand.
Haiku #65308, by Anonymous Poet
July 13, 2019 9:50 pm ET

Which nose doth thou blow?
Up above or down below?
I might be of help
Haiku #65307, by Helpful
July 13, 2019 6:24 pm ET

We can put a man
on the moon but we cannot
write a good haiku.

A head full of snot.
Feeling weak and itchy throat.
Damn I hate the flu.
Haiku #65306, by Anonymous Poet
July 13, 2019 6:05 pm ET

Your weekend update
No plans for the evening. ..Sigh
This zit ruined my life!
Haiku #65305, by Too embarrassed to say of Hiding
July 13, 2019 4:54 pm ET

Such an awesome time
Nude rollerblading all day
American Tour
Haiku #65304, by All 50 states of Will see my rear end
July 13, 2019 1:40 am ET

The high diving board
Is it dangerous to dive
With an erection

Overcooked hot dogs
Sometimes split down the middle
Quite frankly, I m scared
Haiku #65303, by Frank of Pool
July 13, 2019 12:28 am ET

Haiku #65302, by vhs of you are an inconvenience!
July 12, 2019 10:42 pm ET

Your lame poetry
makes me hate myself much less.
Thank God I'm not you!
Haiku #65301, by Anonymous Poet
July 12, 2019 10:38 pm ET

Adolph Hitler called.
Yep, a collect call from hell.
He said I'm evil.
Haiku #65300, by Anonymous Poet
July 12, 2019 10:36 pm ET

Holding YOUR photo
Jizzing on your bad poems
Why my pants are down
Haiku #65299, by Grandpa of Porch glider
July 12, 2019 10:31 pm ET

Grandpa's pants are down
for YOU, every time, it seems.
Is that why you're nuts?
Haiku #65298, by Extended Family Values of the Condemned
July 12, 2019 9:59 pm ET

Next time God smotes ya
Look up in the sky and ask
Fuck s your problem,Dude?
Haiku #65297, by Created of In his gnarly image
July 12, 2019 9:57 pm ET

Every single time
I go to visit Grandpa
He s got his pants down
Haiku #65296, by Ding Dong of Door
July 12, 2019 9:55 pm ET

another day goes
by, I am still here, and the
time comes when i go.
Haiku #65295, by vhs
July 12, 2019 8:01 pm ET

Popular Science
Gross! Pages stuck together..
Poetry Robot
Haiku #65294, by Look into my eyes
July 12, 2019 1:22 pm ET

Oh Redundant One
Let me help you hate yourself
in perfect Haiku
Haiku #65293, by Haiku Intervention for Free
July 12, 2019 9:28 am ET

I think I need some goddamn waves... seriously.
Damn the fat wife and family... they are better off without me. I need to be eaten by a great white or bash out what little is left of my brain on a reef... fucking waves punish me over and over, pummeling, pounding, humiliating me and I love them more than life itself, goddamn it and I cannot deny what I am, just downright rotten bastard piece of selfish shit and I offer no apologies. I know what I need. Fuck. I hate myself, but that's okay.
Haiku #65292, by Anonymous Poet
July 12, 2019 3:45 am ET

I know about rage.
I've come to quite enjoy it.
Therefore I am Darth.

Sadly, there's no Force.
If there were, I'd be like God.
Rage, hatred, and greed.

I've become evil.
And I do not regret it.
I am a monster.

Too many wedgies
I'd gotten in middle school.
Oh the tragedy.
Haiku #65291, by True evil is born, not made. of LOL and all that.
July 12, 2019 3:38 am ET

no rest for the wicked
evil thoughts consume me for
eternity becons my spirit

to hellfire, just my luck
im thrown i to the frying
pan instead at work
Haiku #65290, by vhs
July 12, 2019 3:31 am ET