Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 140 Days and 76409 Haiku later...

Would you like some wine?
Seems you could really use it.
To wash down my SPERM.

Clumpy and rotting,
clinging like an octopus,
It tears your tonsils.
Haiku # 65016, June 19, 2019 5:01 am ET
by BifurcatingPoo
I really don't mind if you sit this one out.
My word's but a whisper, your deafness a shout.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
Your SPERM's in the gutter, your love's in the sink.
Haiku # 65015, June 19, 2019 4:55 am ET
by Sir Ian of No, not the senate.
Bad haiku is real.
These are haiku and they're bad.
What more do you want?!

You're such a princess.
Shall I fluff your pillow, dear.
How 'bout a foot rub.
Haiku # 65014, June 19, 2019 3:36 am ET
by BifurcatingPoo
Chased by a wild boar
Then I see you defecate
By a rotting stump
Haiku # 65013, June 19, 2019 1:30 am ET
by The Dream
You know my weakness
Casual sex on the roof
Of your Subaru
Haiku # 65012, June 18, 2019 9:56 pm ET
by How do? of Summer isle
As I was saying,
Bad Haiku is massive fake
and Darth's mouthwash = sperm
Haiku # 65011, June 18, 2019 9:49 pm ET
by Sweet Baby Jesus of the Heavenly Manger
The "Johnny Johnny Yes Pappa" boy
committed suicide by boofing his father's entire wine collection at several hundred dollars a bottle.
Kitchen funnel, garden hose, turkey baster.
The insurance wouldn't cover it. And can you blame them.
The little queef pastry should have stuck to sugar.
Haiku # 65010, June 18, 2019 8:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Colgate, wintergreen.
Good for drinking or boofing.
Not much hangover.

Stay away from Scope.
That shite gives me headache
from one half liter.
Haiku # 65009, June 18, 2019 8:33 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Darth is a dreamer.
Cunt steps up and does the deed.
iamback's a stud!

vhs, confused
and frustrated, prays for our
tortured and doomed souls.

Starkitten takes pics,
sending them to her Facebook
groups that hunt perverts.
Haiku # 65008, June 18, 2019 8:24 pm ET
by Nippress and Ash of If you want to know where we are, listen for the Chewbacca growls.
If you masturbate
while thinking about dead dogs,
then you might be Darth.

On the other hand,
if you actually fuck
dead dogs, then you're Cunt.

And if you have a collection of dead animals at various stages of decomposition with which to fornicate throughout the long, hot summer day, enjoying the feeling of maggots crawling up the urethra or your erect little penis, then you're iamback.
Haiku # 65007, June 18, 2019 8:23 pm ET
by Nippress and Ash of We saved you some Death Star wedding cake.
Just to let you know:
Darth likes sperm-flavored mouthwash.
Have a blessed day!
Haiku # 65006, June 18, 2019 8:28 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
One time I saw two
People dressed up as rabbits
That was kind of weird
Haiku # 65005, June 18, 2019 3:31 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Apologies, but I must ask:

Hi.

I have a very short questionnaire I'd like to present and thank you in advance for answering.

Do you prefer Listerine, Scope, or Colgate mouthwash?

And what is your preferred flavor?

It's for a class project.

Thanks again.
Haiku # 65004, June 17, 2019 6:20 pm ET
by student of wikslquik thnkpo
Although we re apart
You re just a blow job away
Think of it like that
Haiku # 65003, June 16, 2019 8:19 pm ET
by Eerily quiet
Mexican confides
Nickster spills the frijoles
ay, caramba dude
Haiku # 65002, June 16, 2019 7:50 pm ET
by Ledge of Kentucky
Woah. How did you know
That I was watching Ice Age
with my dear daughtet?
Haiku # 65001, June 16, 2019 4:54 pm ET
by Sid the Lisping Sloth
The family gathered
Around dear old Dad s beer gut
Celebrating sloth
Haiku # 65000, June 16, 2019 3:27 pm ET
by Latchkey child
The family gathered
Around dear old Dad
Haiku # 64999, June 16, 2019 3:26 pm ET
by Latchkey child
Hola, I have short questionnaire for you. Thanks in advance for answering.
Do you like soaking penis in alcohol, hot sauce, or blood of jesus.

Thank you....

Is for class project.
Haiku # 64998, June 16, 2019 12:16 pm ET
by Student driver
Sick of your cartwheels.
Go sell your tuna elsewhere.
It's been done before.
Haiku # 64997, June 15, 2019 9:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Cartwheel Cartwheel split
Tuna fish tuna fish glue
Stuck to the floor now
Haiku # 64996, June 15, 2019 4:30 am ET
by Unique of Physique
Ukulele class
And then we get stinking drunk
And then we get laid
Haiku # 64995, June 15, 2019 2:40 am ET
by Volcano of excuses of Lavatory
Nipress? Who is that.
Why have you jumped back in this?
Are you Haiku now?
Haiku # 64994, June 14, 2019 4:07 pm ET
by Haiku unto Death
Itch. Wanna scratch it.
Itch itch itch itch itch itch itch
Scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
Haiku # 64993, June 13, 2019 10:34 pm ET
by Ben A. Drylle
Penny slots jackpot
The million dollar blowjob
You'll be set for life
Haiku # 64992, June 13, 2019 10:31 pm ET
by Lucky
Nipppress and Ash in gay StarWars themed wedding.....where is Jan-Ass The Hutt? Ash cries naked in the corner weeping while Nippress reads William McGonagall
Haiku # 64991, June 13, 2019 9:51 pm ET
by Iamback
Ghost of Jacques Cousteau
Coney Island beach whistle
Or Song of Siren
Haiku # 64990, June 13, 2019 3:24 pm ET
by Jacques Itch of Downstairs
All in a days work
Getting teabagged on lunch break
Pinky held erect
Haiku # 64989, June 13, 2019 3:22 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Foot massage parlour
Big toes smell like tuna fish
All in a day
Haiku # 64988, June 13, 2019 3:19 pm ET
by Happy of Ending
Darth is just a bot;
Starkitten an algorithm.
The whole thing is fake.
Haiku # 64987, June 13, 2019 11:24 am ET
by Multiple Haiku Aliases of Cybernetic A.I.
Hi.

I have a very short questionnaire I'd like to present and thank you in advance for answering.

Do you prefer Listerine, Scope, or Colgate mouthwash?

And what is your preferred flavor?

It's for a class project.

Thanks again.
Haiku # 64986, June 13, 2019 9:32 am ET
by student of ginjiv-blaster freshli date ahhhh 911 preparedness
Beware of Dentists
They will fook up your teeth
And take your money

Supposed to fix them
But their not competent
And farm patients fangs.

Like Doc Holliday
They will drill your broken fangs
And take all your gold
Haiku # 64985, June 13, 2019 3:29 am ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Blew out front right tire
SOAB nail in board!
Saved by a good kid

He stopped his truck
Hey mister do you need help?
A damn fine young man.

Deep dark depression
Thinking about today's world
Good folks still exist

"Here is twenty bucks"
"No Sir, thanks- won't take it"
Its beer money kid.

Enjoy-
Haiku # 64984, June 13, 2019 3:12 am ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Prehensile ding dong
Tilted. A rakish angle.
Sheepskin coverslip
Haiku # 64983, June 13, 2019 12:51 am ET
by I. Hoomanskin of Look into my eyes
Reduced to mere gas
Burnt rubber. Front end blowout.
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Haiku # 64982, June 13, 2019 12:47 am ET
by Wangdoodle of Road Flare
Every day Earth Day
Are dildoes recyclable?
Asking for a friend
Haiku # 64981, June 12, 2019 10:38 pm ET
by interested of hiding
Card reader error
Insert plastic again, please
Not the dildo, sir
Haiku # 64980, June 12, 2019 2:14 pm ET
by Frownface
Thanks, Roshnikhanna.
Your hot escort services
are so poetic.
Haiku # 64979, June 12, 2019 7:13 am ET
by Can I use VISA on our Haiku date?
I am so grateful for your article.Really looking forward to read more. Great.
http://www.roshnikhanna.in/
Haiku # 64978, June 12, 2019 3:37 am ET
by Roshni
I'm at a time when
Getting dressed up real fancy
Means washing my ass
Haiku # 64977, June 11, 2019 12:45 am ET
by Greezy
Just a cucumber
My significant other
A garden frolic
Haiku # 64976, June 9, 2019 11:25 pm ET
by Green Thumb
empty hope; logic
disregard consequences
hopelessly in love
Haiku # 64975, June 9, 2019 10:16 pm ET
by Ledge of Kentucky
Ooops. Missed church again
Add some more sins to the pile
Stack up my wafers
Haiku # 64974, June 9, 2019 9:35 pm ET
by Pringles Lover of Down here
That red flannel hash
Sunday cannibal brunch
Stewed in your jammies
Haiku # 64973, June 9, 2019 9:33 pm ET
by P.J. Stinky of Nook
Neil Armstrong, Moon Man
No gravity. Erections.
Ziplocking jizzum
Haiku # 64972, June 9, 2019 2:33 pm ET
by For the love of god
Flattened like a coin
By the oncoming freight train
I ve covered my tracks
Haiku # 64971, June 9, 2019 1:46 pm ET
by Husband Eliminatrix of Trestle
Flattened like a coin
By the oncoming freight train
I
Haiku # 64970, June 9, 2019 1:46 pm ET
by Husband Eliminatrix of Trestle
You are all guilty
Of writing awful haiku.
You shall be dealt with.
Haiku # 64969, June 9, 2019 1:03 pm ET
by Central Commitee Party Review of Wrong-Thinking Regressive Reactionary Verse
They found the remains
Near an abandoned farmhouse
The severed penis
Haiku # 64968, June 9, 2019 11:43 am ET
by Little boy blue of Blow your horn
What you call fucking
Others call masturbation
Just smoke and mirrors
Haiku # 64967, June 9, 2019 4:18 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
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