Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76968 Haiku later...


I live in the woods
I also have a dickbutt
Which is relevant
Haiku # 63795, April 15, 2019 1:44 am ET
by Rural Dickbutt
Milky meat people
Pounding their puds against walls
Those are my people
Haiku # 63794, April 15, 2019 1:44 am ET
by People person
This world is all shit
All the people smell like shit
Are you their leader?
Haiku # 63793, April 15, 2019 1:41 am ET
by Visitors
I am an agent
I also have a dickbutt
Which is relevant
Haiku # 63792, April 15, 2019 1:38 am ET
by Secret Agent Dickbutt of Langley, VA
I am a ghost, ånd
I sometimes speak Norwegian
Og jeg vet ikke
Haiku # 63791, April 15, 2019 1:22 am ET
by Hans Ånd of haunted house
I am a duck, and
I like to browse internet
I also have hands
Haiku # 63790, April 15, 2019 1:20 am ET
by Hans And of local toxic chemical spill
Bitching bastard birds
Evil Cassowary
Ostrich and Emu
Haiku # 63789, April 15, 2019 1:15 am ET
by Rural Guido of I wanted to fuck them
You got a sandwich
Buttcheecks for bread. Big pickle
What would the meat be?
Haiku # 63788, April 15, 2019 1:12 am ET
by Rural Guido of Here
Come pet the puppy
And then you'll have a nice bath
Get ready for bed
Haiku # 63787, April 15, 2019 1:11 am ET
by Grandma of Grandma's House
Where I come from we
Tackle fairies like you boy
Hence my last name, see
Haiku # 63786, April 15, 2019 1:07 am ET
by Garth Fagtackler of The Deep South
I've never had kids
For a very good reason
Cuz they'd be fucked up
Haiku # 63785, April 15, 2019 1:06 am ET
by Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia
Wore out your welcome
You defecated full blast
In our pagoda
Haiku # 63784, April 15, 2019 12:14 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Wherever you find smelly arthritis
Cunnilingus school
You never should have dropped out
Could have been someone
Haiku # 63783, April 15, 2019 12:10 am ET
by That foolish moustache tickles of Under the milky way (2nite)
Rockefeller stew
When you get a hankering
Sample our long pig
Haiku # 63782, April 15, 2019 12:08 am ET
by When God aint looking
But do you own a
shrunken head signed by Osbourn?
Heathen artifacts.
Haiku # 63781, April 14, 2019 11:52 pm ET
by Praise be to Jesus! of There's no "e" in Osborn's name.
Being gay man's sex toy
Is sure not desirable
But there's free Wi-Fi
Haiku # 63780, April 14, 2019 11:50 pm ET
by Lemmywinks of Mr. Slave's Ass
Wait a minute here!
You're saying that being Steve
Buscemi's butt beads

would not be heaven?!
You need your head examined!
Ghost pepper salsa!
Haiku # 63779, April 14, 2019 11:45 pm ET
by Holy Ghost Pepper Salsa of Praise be to Jesus!
There's no Figpucker.
There is only Twinkle Toes.
Praise be to Jesus!

The gates of Heaven
open wide for believers!
Praise be to Jesus!

My sins washed away
by blood from The Lamb of God.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku # 63778, April 14, 2019 11:40 pm ET
by Twinkly Toes Glitter Fairy Princess of I dropped my wand, be a gentleman and pick it up for me, will you.
If I had a twat
I would show it to my friends
If I had any
Haiku # 63777, April 14, 2019 11:14 pm ET
by Death of A salesman
Now then, where was I?
Speaking of cassowaries
Do they have big dinks?
Haiku # 63776, April 14, 2019 10:31 pm ET
by Rural Guido
Cassowary sex
An unplanned vasectomy
Thug bird physician
Haiku # 63775, April 14, 2019 10:24 pm ET
by Very Wary
I own a letter
that's signed by T.L. Osborne.
It's there on my shelf.
Haiku # 63774, April 14, 2019 10:02 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
when df dies he won't go to heaven
because of the bad things he did
he won't go to hell either because
he wasn't quite evil enough to molest his own children (right?) instead he will spend his next lifetime incarnated as steve buscemi's favorite set of anal beads... after he ate a lot of spicy food
Haiku # 63773, April 14, 2019 9:59 pm ET
by Sparklepony, MD of I'M BACK!!!
Had I known better
I would not have attempted
Cassowary sex
Haiku # 63772, April 14, 2019 9:57 pm ET
by Messed up
Gonna sit on you
Fat Mama Cassowary
Get me a sandwich!
Haiku # 63771, April 14, 2019 9:21 pm ET
by Rural Guido
Writing poetry
Makes he have bowel movements
Then I get horny
Haiku # 63770, April 14, 2019 6:41 pm ET
by Watch out
Slide down banisters
Read Darth Figpucker poems
Go straight to climax
Haiku # 63769, April 14, 2019 6:02 pm ET
by Satisfied
Sometimes I wonder
How do women masturbate?
They don't have a dick
Haiku # 63768, April 14, 2019 5:29 pm ET
by In dire need of A shower
At least it's not pork.
Jesus approves your diet.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku # 63767, April 14, 2019 4:45 pm ET
by TTGFP
But they taste so gooood!
Cassowary casserole.
It's well worth the fight.
Haiku # 63766, April 14, 2019 4:43 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Put your pecker in
Something might happen to it
You'll get goo on stuff
Haiku # 63765, April 14, 2019 4:28 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Most dangerous bird
Be wary! Cassowary
Very,Very, Very scary
Haiku # 63764, April 14, 2019 2:44 pm ET
by Very Very Very Very of Tremendous
The next president
Not a buffoon with dementia
Not a big LOSER
Haiku # 63763, April 14, 2019 2:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Debora ding the plane
Pulled into Sacramento
Next up: shoplift bread

Gluten free Jesus
Next time you take excrement
Report on the smell
Haiku # 63762, April 14, 2019 2:37 pm ET
by Funny fella
When you next take bread
contemplate the sacrament.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku # 63761, April 14, 2019 10:51 am ET
by TTGFP
I think U sayin
Something about lightning bolts
Anal greased lightning
Haiku # 63760, April 14, 2019 6:05 am ET
by Back end smote
Oral Roberts. Cream
Full facial oil of Olay
You look marvelous
Haiku # 63759, April 14, 2019 6:03 am ET
by Aesthetician
I am missing the
connection to Usain Bolt.
Best I do not know.

Ignorance is bliss.
Not in the Bible, but still,
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku # 63758, April 14, 2019 5:09 am ET
by TTGFP of Holding my collection of Oral Roberts prayer cloths.
Before I give blood
I always say "I have AIDS"
But nobody laughs
Haiku # 63757, April 14, 2019 1:44 am ET
by On the verge of A nervous breakdown
Engraved on the cross
Property of Squeaky Fromme
Cross smells like tuna
Haiku # 63756, April 13, 2019 11:46 pm ET
by Vincent Bugliosi's pissed off of Apparition
Hi kisses his cross.
And then looks up to Heaven.
Praise be to Jesus.
Haiku # 63755, April 13, 2019 11:37 pm ET
by Usain Bolt is awesome. of But shooting a blank starts the race. Ironic, no?
Usain Bolt for sperm
Like a creamsickle with legs
You ain't shooting blanks
Haiku # 63754, April 13, 2019 11:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of Long English or short Mexican
perm(46,2)\
=46!/((46-2)!2!)
= 2070
Haiku # 63753, April 13, 2019 11:15 pm ET
by So now you know
It's imperative
One understands that fucking
Sometimes makes babies
Haiku # 63752, April 13, 2019 11:13 pm ET
by Last of The Mohicans
Physical exam
Listen Mr. Figpucker
Your penis is HUGE
Haiku # 63751, April 13, 2019 11:10 pm ET
by Doc
Jesus knows THE Way.
As opposed to just "de way".
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku # 63750, April 13, 2019 11:09 pm ET
by TTGFP of Dragging my, ahem, knuckles through the dirt.
And, no, you wise guys,
Jesus is not Ugandan.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku # 63749, April 13, 2019 11:06 pm ET
by TTGFP
Ozzy knows nothing.
Only Jesus knows the way.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku # 63748, April 13, 2019 11:03 pm ET
by TTGFP of TL Osborn's Museum of Evangelical Oddities
Lets go all the way
Enough fingering the clam
Shove it right in there
Haiku # 63747, April 13, 2019 10:59 pm ET
by Voice of Encouragement
Has he lost his mind?
Can he see or is he blind ?
(Better ask Ozzy)
Haiku # 63746, April 13, 2019 10:55 pm ET
by Black Haiku Sabbath of Fuzz Guitar
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