BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
250 Days
and
65370 Haikus
later...
Being gay man's sex toy
Is sure not desirable
But there's free Wi-Fi
Haiku #63780, by Lemmywinks of Mr. Slave's Ass
April 14, 2019 11:50 pm ET

Wait a minute here!
You're saying that being Steve
Buscemi's butt beads

would not be heaven?!
You need your head examined!
Ghost pepper salsa!
Haiku #63779, by Holy Ghost Pepper Salsa of Praise be to Jesus!
April 14, 2019 11:45 pm ET

There's no Figpucker.
There is only Twinkle Toes.
Praise be to Jesus!

The gates of Heaven
open wide for believers!
Praise be to Jesus!

My sins washed away
by blood from The Lamb of God.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku #63778, by Twinkly Toes Glitter Fairy Princess of I dropped my wand, be a gentleman and pick it up for me, will you.
April 14, 2019 11:40 pm ET

If I had a twat
I would show it to my friends
If I had any
Haiku #63777, by Death of A salesman
April 14, 2019 11:14 pm ET

Now then, where was I?
Speaking of cassowaries
Do they have big dinks?
Haiku #63776, by Rural Guido
April 14, 2019 10:31 pm ET

Cassowary sex
An unplanned vasectomy
Thug bird physician
Haiku #63775, by Very Wary
April 14, 2019 10:24 pm ET

I own a letter
that's signed by T.L. Osborne.
It's there on my shelf.
Haiku #63774, by Anonymous Poet
April 14, 2019 10:02 pm ET

when df dies he won't go to heaven
because of the bad things he did
he won't go to hell either because
he wasn't quite evil enough to molest his own children (right?) instead he will spend his next lifetime incarnated as steve buscemi's favorite set of anal beads... after he ate a lot of spicy food
Haiku #63773, by Sparklepony, MD of I'M BACK!!!
April 14, 2019 9:59 pm ET

Had I known better
I would not have attempted
Cassowary sex
Haiku #63772, by Messed up
April 14, 2019 9:57 pm ET

Gonna sit on you
Fat Mama Cassowary
Get me a sandwich!
Haiku #63771, by Rural Guido
April 14, 2019 9:21 pm ET

Writing poetry
Makes he have bowel movements
Then I get horny
Haiku #63770, by Watch out
April 14, 2019 6:41 pm ET

Slide down banisters
Read Darth Figpucker poems
Go straight to climax
Haiku #63769, by Satisfied
April 14, 2019 6:02 pm ET

Sometimes I wonder
How do women masturbate?
They don't have a dick
Haiku #63768, by In dire need of A shower
April 14, 2019 5:29 pm ET

At least it's not pork.
Jesus approves your diet.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku #63767, by TTGFP
April 14, 2019 4:45 pm ET

But they taste so gooood!
Cassowary casserole.
It's well worth the fight.
Haiku #63766, by Anonymous Poet
April 14, 2019 4:43 pm ET

Put your pecker in
Something might happen to it
You'll get goo on stuff
Haiku #63765, by Anonymous Poet
April 14, 2019 4:28 pm ET

Most dangerous bird
Be wary! Cassowary
Very,Very, Very scary
Haiku #63764, by Very Very Very Very of Tremendous
April 14, 2019 2:44 pm ET

The next president
Not a buffoon with dementia
Not a big LOSER
Haiku #63763, by Anonymous Poet
April 14, 2019 2:39 pm ET

Debora ding the plane
Pulled into Sacramento
Next up: shoplift bread

Gluten free Jesus
Next time you take excrement
Report on the smell
Haiku #63762, by Funny fella
April 14, 2019 2:37 pm ET

When you next take bread
contemplate the sacrament.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku #63761, by TTGFP
April 14, 2019 10:51 am ET

I think U sayin
Something about lightning bolts
Anal greased lightning
Haiku #63760, by Back end smote
April 14, 2019 6:05 am ET

Oral Roberts. Cream
Full facial oil of Olay
You look marvelous
Haiku #63759, by Aesthetician
April 14, 2019 6:03 am ET

I am missing the
connection to Usain Bolt.
Best I do not know.

Ignorance is bliss.
Not in the Bible, but still,
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku #63758, by TTGFP of Holding my collection of Oral Roberts prayer cloths.
April 14, 2019 5:09 am ET

Before I give blood
I always say "I have AIDS"
But nobody laughs
Haiku #63757, by On the verge of A nervous breakdown
April 14, 2019 1:44 am ET

Engraved on the cross
Property of Squeaky Fromme
Cross smells like tuna
Haiku #63756, by Vincent Bugliosi's pissed off of Apparition
April 13, 2019 11:46 pm ET

Hi kisses his cross.
And then looks up to Heaven.
Praise be to Jesus.
Haiku #63755, by Usain Bolt is awesome. of But shooting a blank starts the race. Ironic, no?
April 13, 2019 11:37 pm ET

Usain Bolt for sperm
Like a creamsickle with legs
You ain't shooting blanks
Haiku #63754, by Anonymous Poet of Long English or short Mexican
April 13, 2019 11:21 pm ET

perm(46,2)\
=46!/((46-2)!2!)
= 2070
Haiku #63753, by So now you know
April 13, 2019 11:15 pm ET

It's imperative
One understands that fucking
Sometimes makes babies
Haiku #63752, by Last of The Mohicans
April 13, 2019 11:13 pm ET

Physical exam
Listen Mr. Figpucker
Your penis is HUGE
Haiku #63751, by Doc
April 13, 2019 11:10 pm ET

Jesus knows THE Way.
As opposed to just "de way".
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku #63750, by TTGFP of Dragging my, ahem, knuckles through the dirt.
April 13, 2019 11:09 pm ET

And, no, you wise guys,
Jesus is not Ugandan.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku #63749, by TTGFP
April 13, 2019 11:06 pm ET

Ozzy knows nothing.
Only Jesus knows the way.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku #63748, by TTGFP of TL Osborn's Museum of Evangelical Oddities
April 13, 2019 11:03 pm ET

Lets go all the way
Enough fingering the clam
Shove it right in there
Haiku #63747, by Voice of Encouragement
April 13, 2019 10:59 pm ET

Has he lost his mind?
Can he see or is he blind ?
(Better ask Ozzy)
Haiku #63746, by Black Haiku Sabbath of Fuzz Guitar
April 13, 2019 10:55 pm ET

Haiku Janitor
So hard to clean up in here
Which poems are good?
Haiku #63745, by Haiku Janitor of End of my rope
April 13, 2019 10:31 pm ET

Move over Fleshlight
Now, shaped like a carved pumpkin
The Jackoff Lantern
Haiku #63744, by Headless Hung like a horse man of Nose
April 13, 2019 9:17 pm ET

I get the feeling
Jim Morrison always said
SUCK ON MY DIIIIIIIII...CCCCCCK!!
Haiku #63743, by Noticer of Details of Crystal Ship
April 13, 2019 8:24 pm ET

Jesus, take the wheel
Drank too much of the water
You turned into wine
Haiku #63742, by Drunk of Passed out
April 13, 2019 5:08 pm ET

A set of footprints
As I shuffle through the sand
Jesus got big feet!
Haiku #63741, by You know what that means
April 13, 2019 4:50 pm ET

Are you there, God?
It's just me, Darth Figpucker
I have changed my ways
Haiku #63740, by Wayward Son of Carrying on
April 13, 2019 4:48 pm ET

this is what df's obituary
will say:
Haiku #63739, by Anonymous Poet
April 13, 2019 3:58 pm ET

Ok I get it:
Twink Toe Glit Fairy Princess
TTGFP
Haiku #63738, by I thoght it was " Talk To God Fig Pucker"
April 13, 2019 3:38 pm ET

Short is our time here.
Eternal is The Kingdom.
Praise be to Jesus.
Haiku #63737, by TTGFP of My time here is two weeks.
April 13, 2019 3:19 pm ET

You can't handle truth.
Truth of Our Lord and Savior.
Praise be to Jesus!
Haiku #63736, by Twinkle Toes Glitter Fairy Princess of Where have you been?
April 13, 2019 3:05 pm ET

What would your wife think?
This giving the dog a bone
Sleep in the doghouse!
Haiku #63735, by My word!
April 13, 2019 2:33 pm ET

What would your wife think?
This
Haiku #63734, by My word!
April 13, 2019 2:33 pm ET

I was REAL horny
My wife was visiting friends
So I fucked our dog
Haiku #63733, by Carnival of Carnage
April 13, 2019 12:31 pm ET

No no stop it Darth
Oh you are pure wickedness
Lord, slay him in wrath !
Haiku #63732, by Actually you're merely infantile
April 13, 2019 11:27 am ET

The apostles watched
As God sucked off the Devil
Crying the whole time
Haiku #63731, by One of Your wife's fucktoys
April 13, 2019 9:35 am ET