So I told my wife
each morning when I wake up
I wish I was dead.
She said "wow, me too!"
I asked her, "Really? Why would
you wish you were dead?"
She replied, "No, no!
I mean to say I also
wish that you were dead."
by df
Ah, yes, the South Park
"Red Rocket!" syndrome if you
like milking the dog.
by Anonymous Poet
Janitorial
What have your hands been in, dear?
High maintenance spouse
by Marital duties of Broom closet
Bills bills bills bills bills
Bills bills bills bills bills bills bills
Bills bills bills bills bills
by Bill
if I had a dink
I would wash it in the sink
So it wouldn't stink
by How's your dink?
You like dog organs.
Good for you, you free-thinker.
You are a pink boy.
by J.R. Bob Dobbs of Connie's Matrix
Let's talk dog ding dongs
I like to see hot pink ones
They brighten the day
by optimistic
Joe Rogan podcast
with InfoWars' Alex Jones:
Kaffeklatsch on speed.
by Chimera Hybrids of Human Harvesting by Extraterrestrial Elves
The rotten bastards
Fixing my rude hut hovel
Fool demons from hell..
These fookers can't
Do any GD thing right
And want my money
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Soul Harvest Project
These people do not exist
Soul husk replacements
by Scaredykitten of Pnw
An abomination
Fritos scoop size chips
Regular size, please
by Tuna fish sandwich of Fritos and orange juice
Techno-nerd prophets
Kraftwerk saw the future world
from the 70s
by Operator of My Pocket Kalkulator
And if we stay here
We won't know what would happen
If we didn't stay
by Anonymous Poet
New York tumbleweed
Cigarette butts, syringe, rat
Folded pizza slice
by Guido of Alley
Turned on by clunking
Hot assembly line gang bang
Kraftwerk on full blast
by I. Robot
When a bass fish poops,
would you call that a bass turd?
Ask a fisherman.
He'll hate you always.
Remembering you as that
damn bass turd bastard.
by Anonymous Poet
Of course they jerk off.
But then what's their fantasy
while masturbating?
Robot dinosaurs?
Nuclear missile launch codes?
Drones killing humans?
by df
Recycled children.
My favorite Spam flavor.
Recycled spouse too.
Time for me to leave.
I'll be that bastard husband
that all women hate.
by df
No questions are dumb
Ok, here goes then.. I'll ask..
Do robots jerk off?
by Anonymous Poet
seventeen feet tall
Don't ever answer your door
If the robot knocks
by Hide Inside
Barbershop quartet
Each one jerks off the other
Ticket sales are up
by Front row of Under tarp
Lifting a leg up
Urinating on all of it
Higher, Higher still!
by Dog Goals
Always push yourself
Not off the edge of a cliff
Let me push you then
by Pushovers
Ran out of room spray
STOOD IN MIDDLE OF THE ROOM
Made my own FartBreeze
by Fresh of Room
Today's the big day
Asking the boss for a raise
For my poetry
by Greedy
Getting to know me
It really takes a lifetime
I hardly know me
by Ya know?
I'm not gonna lie
Celebrating thirty years
Going commando
by Underwear?
No junk in my trunk
At least I don't think there is
Use it or lose it
by Lost it
You can't figure out
what plumbing God gave to you?
Well, let's have a look . . .
by You're Either Boy or Girl, but of course that is just too LIMITING for some of you rare creatures
I can't be bothered
Referring to you as "They"
I'll call you asshole
by Call me, maybe of Crazy
Manipulation
Our devices read our thoughts
Mould our behaviour
by Machines our Mothers of Seventeen Foot Tall Robots
Unpopular guest
Invite me over just once
I'll break your couch springs
by Sofa King unpopular of Home
Yesterday again
But they're calling it today
Coming soon: Tomorrow
by Not Iona Calendar of Here again
Wang Lofan: it's true,
we are trapped in the Bardo.
Kalpas surround us.
http://tinyurl.com/y6zzhvdq
by Bard of the Bardo
try the biscotti
Repurposed as a doorstop
That's one smart cookie
by Spread em
Deep in the forest
Grizzly bear readies himself
First shit of the Spring
by Grizzledean
Remember that time
Grandpa mislaid his Werther's
In Grandma's dry cunt
by Kid of Candy store
Buy wife new dildoes
Remember cunnilingus
Not just for Christmas
by Anonymous Poet
Chinese Factory
8 miles high on toxic fumes
Contagious laughter
Repetitive work
Our dildoes will serve you well
Heirloom quality
Cucumber for lunch
Pity to be unemployed
We love make dildoes
by Anonymous Poet
Each new day brings hope
For a less shittier day
Than the day before
by Starkitten of Positive affirmations of a sexy librarian
If someone shot you
You'd get right back up again
And write a haiku
by Anonymous Poet
Can someone shoot me?
Life seems to keep getting worse.
I'd so like to die.
I'll cheat on my wife
then post pics of the affair
on my Facebook page.
I know that's cruel,
but cheaper than a hit man.
And I'd bust a nut.
by df
Amish Friendship Bread
If I poop in the batter
Will we still be friends?
by BFF
Don't call me Satan
Typographical error
My real name is Stan
by Stan of Hell
How bout mosquitoes
Are they the work of Satan?
Were 2 on the ark?
by To be continued
Under the big top
Five masturbating midgets
Human pyramid
by Pyramid of Spooge of Under the big top
You're under arrest.
You have the right to remain...
Just then I farted
by Loud and Proud of Jail
I'm proud of myself.
Smashed a big fat mosquito.
Guts on math papers.
It got everywhere
Poissonous distribution.
Randomly deceased.
by df
It's no mystery.
The meat is old and rotten.
Those aren't peppercorns.
Meat rises like bread.
Yeasty vinegar odor.
Beer, bread, and beaver.
by df
Tight squeeze in the lift
Suffocation is your fate
Supreme tuna melt
by Anonymous Poet
