Masturbatory!
Holy schlong shlappers, Batman,
get the Vaseline!

Just like Bono said
We're one but we're not the same


Darth, Starkitten

We're all getting full
But the demon inside growls
EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT

I know how you feel.
I also become evil
when craving pasta.

Spaghetti monster
You live inside my body
You make me do this

Melodious farts
Bringing joy to the workplace
Now, roll up your sleeves

Bad Haiku phone call
Hello?? Who's calling?
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt

Used to have it all
But it didn't bring me joy
So I threw it out

Hippie gorp glutton
Fouled your bell bottoms again
Lay off the seeds, man

What would they call it?

If cats made cottage cheese

My guess: Cattage Cheese

Adjust the gonads
Rollerblading dynamo
Ladies, form a line

Every day the same
It should just be called Sameday
Thank G-d,it's Sameday!

Haiku on Sunday
Might be considered a sin
Yelled from the pulpit

Outside Tastee-Freeze
The sucking of chili dogs
The melancholy

Sipping beverages
I'm slurping to annoy you
Pal, its my nature.

Poor old man Grundy
Goose splatter feces oatmeal
Breakfasting outside

Purple lily pad
Someone kissed a purple frog
That's where Prince came from

You need penis slapped.
You need transformed poetics.
You sure need something . . .

I beheld Pepe
Over there in Kekistan
Green as any frog

I went to Dorking
It's over there in England
I was with some dorks

Forgot to mention
Penis slaps me in the face
With every new step

but I just don't know how I can make it through the door. My approach may be sideways if I don't have a boner. Hard to believe that I used to walk down flights of stairs in a continuous handstand. The condition of my condition is a source of concern and ridicule. Go ahead and laugh as I attempt to recreate stair stunts to impress my new friends.

Hey,have one for me
Blow the smoke straight in my face
Now eat the filter

By his Mole

That last poem was penned by John Boy Walton

Got so high once
Thought I was an ingrown hair
Thanks, Mary Ellen

Your mother was right
If you make a face like that
It will stay that way

Sexy, just like that.
Saturday IceCream Sundae
Dairy in my bra

YouTube's gotten lame.
Jacking off to K-Pop girls.
That's all it's good for.

Wondering aloud.
Beavis. The smashing of frogs.
You're constipation.

Me need cookie fix.
Medical marijuana.
Brownies okay too.

Icicles dripping
Reminds me of your cold heart
And my warm penis

Wandering around
Beavers. The gnashing of teeth.
I'm constipated

Confused in your pants
Head swivels around,
owlish
No one gives a hoot

Now, touch your joystick
Do you feel like Ms. PacMan
Time to whack the mole

Those Millenials;
They seem clueless about life.
Gaming all day long...

ala peanut butter
sandwiches!!! poof the wild
amazing mumford!

Thought you eat fruit now
Ask Oscar for durian
It's in his trash can

Me still use crayon.
I hope that okay for now.
Got any cookies?

Hey,
you can do it
Your pencil marks may be small
But you press down hard

I changed all the locks
Except my chastity belt
And the old back door

No one in Paris.
Nothing happening at all.
La Ville de Lumiere.

A haiku on love
Love stinks oh yes love stinks yes
Love stinks oh love stinks

We live in Juneau
Baculum to the Future
Schlong time we live here

Immediately after the rain it was never a good time to go out to the street in front of my house. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was messing with the neighbor kids. The lived on Carnation powdered milk and buckets of cheap peanut butter. They farted in the mud puddles

No just have a curse
No newfangled stuff in there
Other than Satan

I smell someone

Methinks you have a "smart quote" option on your phone or i-pooed and that's what's messing up your haiku submissions.
It turns the straight quotes and apostrophes into curly ones, but badhaiku won't have it. So, there you are. Turn that off and your haiku will not be lost to the aether. Or something.

I

They oiled the penis
And rolled it in kosher salt
Wrapped it in wax paper