Knit one, purl two,
babe
Cupping your big balls of yarn
Watching ewe fuck sheep

Rum ball algebra
Extracurricular bop
Perfect attendance

2 plus 2 is four
And a fart is a fraction
You do the math, hon

Hella Big 10 Inch
Sixty Nine is mighty fine
Crunching the numbers

Numbers are numbing.
Cheap, effective heroin.
Can we share needles?

Now I am worried.
Jaba The Hutt is watching.
But I've dumped no spice.

Oh, that's his sister.
Now I am really worried.
Metal bikini?

Wizened whore vacay
Whoring around Australia
With her whore daughter

Lizards get busy
Humping in the noon day sun
Wet stain left on rock

Cockburpcock o'clock
Cock of the walk. Long beanstalk.
And hard as a rock

The Romans declined
but it was very gradual.
They did not know it.

I have become a
transnecropedozoophile.
You figure it out.

Okay, I'll tell you.
fucks dead baby animals
dressed like a woman.

Sexuality,
Identity Politics . . .
it becomes so dull.

Behemoth Cuntfarts
Filling this space while you

Grinch farts are bright green
Grinch farts smell like rotten eggs
Grinch feces is green

He

Yule Log Video
Donald Trump nude by the fire
Inch long mushroom cap

Ain

Ain

Ya ain

You are Little Superstar
And ya ain

Thanks for the pics, Darth
Wow! You

How did you know that
my rum balls are awesome?
I've told no one here.

Are you stalking me?
I do not mind if you do.
Would you like nude pics?

If so, email me.
Darthfigpucker at yahoo
dot com, but of course.

I think porn websites
should have the suffix dot cum.
That's what we're here for.

Festive Holiday
Kraft dinner or buttered toast ? Jerking off is free

Made in China Junk
Made in China Junk More Junk
Made in China Junk

inebriated
Chuckling and clinking ice cubes
Excellent vintage

Hugh Hefner's cold pipe
Unfilled, unlit and unused
Evermore unsmoked

Uncorking my ass
How I

Trigonometry
Geometry Christmas tree
Penis Puppetry

I would like some pie.
Anything except mince meat.
That shit is nasty.

A cork's in your ass?!
I won't kiss your camel toe!
Don't want a face full.

Cockburpcock so drunk
Oopsie stuck wine cork in ass
Pressure Cooker BOMB

It's much more festive
to kiss under camel toe.
Mistletoe is dumb.

Baby,..Cold outside
Bring us some Figgy Pudding
Cameltoe kissing

Shy Figpucker
Kissing under camel toe
Your rum balls are fine

Cuntfart Quaint fart
Tiptoe Tiptoe Blunderbuss
Queef Cacophany

*cockburpcock

Too much wine.

Hugh Hefner's bathrobe
Limp, lonely and forgotten
Hung behind the door

inappropriate
cuntfartcunt and cockburbcock
fishy mushroom sauce

I have overcome
Foul images and Haiku.
Bring it ON, mortals.

Ever Grimacing
New Jersey Constipation
Greetings from Springsteen

Erect Santa Claus
Reindeer pulling sleigh and dink
Coming down chimney

Walking down the street
Stopping to squish. Turtle trap.
Walking down the street

Grizzly Bear Christmas
Tree Decorating Party
Tinsel: Human remains

Andy Williams croons
Santa in repose on couch
Stiff drink and stiff dink

It might not be snot
But I hella need Kleenex
For my lower nose

Is that you Sneezy!?
Are you fucking serious?
Sneezy was a dwarf!

Garden gnome orgy
Kmart warehouse.ugh ugh oooooooooooooooooooooooohhh!
GIANT ORGASM

Bleeding frog colors
red and green - how Christmassy.
Is that a real word?

As the story goes,
'Twas the cunt before Christmas
and all through the fart.

Not a creature was
fucking, not even a pig.
The condoms were hung

so they'll be re-used
because crack-whores are cheap as fucking shit
and I'm too lazy to continue this in haiku form.