The missing bagpipes
Last spotted in Edinburgh
Look under his kilt

I aim to confuse
What is my chosen weapon? My shitty haikus

I would like a Hell.
Torture for all of my sins.
And then I could sleep.

It would be peaceful.
As long as my wife's not there.
It will be okay.

Well, you could have flushed
That's not very neighbourly
Ain't a art museum

bad haiku check-in:
farts, shit-stains, and suchlike filth
time to leave again

I have a question
Um, do farts have syllables
Can u fart haiku?

Can u cut the cheese?
Lay a coil or drop a stew?
Make smelly haiku?

Important Message
Near Far wherever you Are
My fart must go on

There is no Hell place
So don't sweat the small stuff, dude
Just play with yourself

Do you mean Dante?
He was obsessed with Satan.
Whatever sells, eh?

I should read his work.
Would be good to pass the time.
As I wait for hell.

A book I enjoyed.
Satan: His Psychotherapy and Cure
by The Unfortunate Dr. Kassler, J.S.P.S.

When in third grade,
I'd shit in other kids' pants.
Then make them wear it.

If the penis dies,
but the testicles live on,
what's the point of that?

Elvis had a twin
He wasn't an orange dork
With a bunghole mouth

One hand in pocket
Other one is...Wait, I'm nude!
That ain't a pocket

Weird World of Haiku
Sentenced to hard labor here
Could use a Snickers

I remember you
Used to be the janitor
I'm a poet now

I always enjoyed coming up behind other kids at the urinal and grabbing them and moving them around, making them piss all over the place. Janitors loved me, I'm sure.

Then in the fourth grade
Heather had a crush on Vic
She peed on his shoe

I was in third grade
Kid next to me shit his pants
Turned them inside out

Bend all the way down
Now push out with your rectum
Now clean up the shit

When he falls asleep
I order pizza and wings
On his credit card

The brain is dying.
Not from lack of oxygen,
from too much haiku.

What is poetry?
Is it the sound of my fart?
Or is it the smell?

No Poets Allowed
No Poets Allowed, I said.
No Poets Allowed

Pubic Hair Salon
Genital tumbleweeds roll
"We do coiffs and queefs"

have you read the poems
where Satan has three heads
and one mouth chews Judas
Iscariot for eternity????

poetry is for
the last chance of expression
of the hopeless the

haiku is the suicide
poem of the samurai...

So who listened to
Alice's Restaurant this
last Thanksgiving day?

Listening to AC/DC conjures up images of being shat upon by Satan whilst chained under his outhouse and he's having constipation and screaming, picking the scabs from a VD sore and flicking them down on top of you with the massive piles of shite at the very lowest level of hell.

Dingleberry pie.
Just like grandma used to make.
Fresh from the oven.

Mona Lisa's cunt
Vertical smile mystery
Obvious tuna

Zorg Zeguulon Zerr
Zygorx Zxrog zzzis zeguulon
Zguyx zx Zorg Zerr

Don't bother worry
That's just a waste of your time
Jerk off instead, man

Zoom lens on asshole
Wrinkles. Hairs. Dingleberries.
I'll s(h)it on your face

Awful twat waffle.
Eyeful of Eiffel Tower.
Fine wine art cheese fart.

Haiku licks my ASS.
You are a lightweight ass-lick.
Do your best. Lightweight.

Now you will read this.
Now you will acknowledge Truth
Or burn forever.

I will end Haiku.
You will lick my abstract ass.
You have no values.

John Podesta is
a total criminal and
Now he stands accused.

do i miss you much ?
even though you can't hear me
i certainly do

I'll start a website.
DarthFigpuckerNude dot com.
For true fans of mine.

The site is broken
It keeps cutting off my words!
Somebody! Please help!

*But, she

Thank you, Starkitten!
Vancie is really happy
But, she

Long pig twat waffle
Mosquito pork worms cuntfart
Skateboard cranium

Vancie, you be good
It's hard not being naughty
Let me scratch your belly

Haiku.

Vancie is a dog
She is very very black
And she is a brat

Shimmy was a cunt
He stole our rolls of pennies
And bought tons of weed

Larvae puparium
Squidnick Centurion
If I named new cars

Radiating pain
into the neck from the brain
will make one insane.

Grabbing a handful
of synthetic opioids
like they were candy.

I'd rather grab tits.
Since I'm no politician
that would be okay.