Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 168 Days and 77049 Haiku later...

Have you ever fucked
A priest up the ass with a
Flaming broomhandle?
Haiku # 58930, August 28, 2018 5:47 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Take two Hail Marys
And call me in the morning.
Communion: Pringles
Haiku # 58929, August 28, 2018 5:38 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Immaculate Fart of Mary Convent School
Haiku birthed Haiku
into another context
My mom yelled: DINNER !
Haiku # 58928, August 28, 2018 5:18 pm ET
by Basho San of San Fran Basho
Catholic Civil War;
My Protestants be all like:
"Yo that shit FUNNY"
Haiku # 58927, August 28, 2018 5:15 pm ET
by Luther Van Knox of Saxony of Chillin wit ma peeps exegetically
All those fart haikus
and excrementality --
yes, you are quite sick
Haiku # 58926, August 28, 2018 5:11 pm ET
by Saint Vulgathius of Orange of the Pillar of Holy Immanence of the Beatific Splendor of your Immaculate Mother's Week-Old-Meatloa of is Everything
Catholic Civil War
Oh God imagine the guilt
That one wrote itself
Haiku # 58925, August 28, 2018 5:03 pm ET
by [redacted]
My silken nightie
forced to leave the Motherland
becuz we wuz KANGZ
Haiku # 58924, August 28, 2018 5:02 pm ET
by Lars Svensen of Göteborg
Trump this and Trump that . . .
Damn. Can't even find my keys.
(keyless in Hell now.)
Haiku # 58923, August 28, 2018 4:56 pm ET
by Okonkwo of Abuja City
Solid Gold Dancers
Perhaps it was a mistake
Force feeding them corn
Haiku # 58922, August 28, 2018 12:37 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest and I don't care
...Shitty Music Hall
It's a fecal free for all
Time for Curtain Call
Haiku # 58921, August 28, 2018 3:21 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
The Rockettes kick high
That's when the poop starts to fly
Radio Shitty....
Haiku # 58920, August 28, 2018 3:16 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Janitorial Services Ltd.
Hey, That's Gene Kelly
His trousers sure are smelly
Wash them in the rain!
Haiku # 58919, August 28, 2018 1:12 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Dry Cleaning Ltd.
Made the switch to tap
All that bouncing made me crap.
Wardrobe Malfunction!

Jazz hands in the air
All the right moves. Fred Astaire.
With brown underwear
Haiku # 58918, August 28, 2018 1:07 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Star Search
Nutcracker not sweet
Got kicked out of ballet class
Reason: Smelly Ass
Haiku # 58917, August 27, 2018 10:02 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
That Baryshnikov
He only farts when he runs
Not when he's dancing
Haiku # 58916, August 27, 2018 8:45 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest School of Dance
i am about to
implode into a black hole
fuck the left, censored...
Haiku # 58915, August 27, 2018 8:24 pm ET
by vhs
it overruns the
space, i can't think, speak breathe or
give a shit no more
Haiku # 58914, August 27, 2018 8:23 pm ET
by vhs
Hey Buddy, Get a Room!
The Pompeii Masturbator
Past life: James Spader
Haiku # 58913, August 27, 2018 7:13 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest TMZ (too much Zevia energy drink)
We are not going to
Make Narnia great again
It was never great
Haiku # 58912, August 27, 2018 6:53 pm ET
by Andrew Cuomo, Governor of Narnia
Post-Apocalypse.
Cockroaches and Bad Haiku.
What's in it for you?
Haiku # 58911, August 27, 2018 6:26 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Build a Wicker Man
Fill it with bad ex-husbands
A real wiener roast
Haiku # 58910, August 27, 2018 5:25 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Event Planning Ltd.
Obedience School
And cats in attendance?
I didn't think so
Haiku # 58909, August 27, 2018 5:15 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Pussy Galore
Anyone else here
Got a conjoined headless twin?
Or is it just me?
Haiku # 58908, August 27, 2018 2:40 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Double Trouble
Contemplate the suck:
Boring nature imagery
Abrupt line-endings
Haiku # 58907, August 27, 2018 10:34 am ET
by El D of www.connecthook.wordpress.com
haiku be all like
five to tha seven, feel me?
all up in your face
Haiku # 58906, August 27, 2018 10:26 am ET
by El D of www.connecthook.wordpress.com
of John McCain's brain
there's no need to speak about
(gone to Rino-land)
Haiku # 58905, August 27, 2018 10:24 am ET
by El D of www.connecthook.wordpress.com
That Robert Mueller
Was such a pleasant young man
Cold stone wall, no soul
Haiku # 58904, August 27, 2018 10:12 am ET
by El D of www.connecthook.wordpress.com
today, tomorrow
the next day the day after
weeks, fortnite months years
Haiku # 58903, August 27, 2018 9:00 am ET
by vhs of how long we got
here we go again
another prime minister
and no governing
Haiku # 58902, August 26, 2018 7:02 pm ET
by ash
My board was lime green
With a Pink Panther sticker
Proof of my coolness
Haiku # 58901, August 26, 2018 4:33 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest I've fallen and I can't get up
I used to longboard
Down on the pier could go fast
Longboards are better
Haiku # 58900, August 26, 2018 4:22 pm ET
by it's hard to skate bored
I loved skateboarding
Always faked getting injured
So Leif could save me

He was the cat's ass
We both had great hair
Don't get me started
Haiku # 58899, August 26, 2018 12:25 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Tiger Beat
Has anyone here tried skateboarding?
Haiku # 58898, August 26, 2018 8:59 am ET
by
on vacation they
go home after labor day
giving us time off
Haiku # 58897, August 26, 2018 8:47 am ET
by vhs of winter is coming
Perfect Gentleman
Went to the Sorebonne you know
Sore in a good way
Haiku # 58896, August 26, 2018 12:47 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest True Confessions
My virginity
I lost it on the golf course
A true hole in one

Not like Caddyshack
This time Bill Murray made friends
With a cute beaver
Haiku # 58895, August 25, 2018 11:23 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest 3rd hole ball washer
Really, Donald Trump?
Why not just wipe your YUGE rump
With your red tie
Haiku # 58894, August 25, 2018 10:00 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Loced it when that eagle tried to peck you to death
I was going to write a haiku, but now I'll have to excuse myself b/c I have to go take a shit... not I have to excuse myself for saying I was going to take a shit and not just saying "use the restroom" like a polite person would say and now I have to excuse myself for shitting my pants b/c I took too long to type this message and I guess there is just no excuse for my bad behavior.... Mommy! Come wipe me!
Haiku # 58893, August 25, 2018 9:52 pm ET
by Donald Trump, The really most amazing president ever. I mean that.
Dark side of the moon
Somewhere over the rainbow
Pot o ' Mind Control
Haiku # 58892, August 24, 2018 9:46 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Butterfly Nets
Here comes Donald Trump
Raw dogging an old tree stump
I mean, Barbara Bush
Haiku # 58891, August 24, 2018 5:36 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Genital Landscaping
Quick, Throw him in jail!
Take a guess who posted bail?
A horny peacock!
Haiku # 58890, August 24, 2018 5:04 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Pet Shop
Bad man at the zoo
Sodomized the kangaroo!
And the joey too!!
Haiku # 58889, August 24, 2018 3:12 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Chemical Castration Extra Strength
He jumped from a plane
Parachuted down to Earth
Fucked her corpse. True Love.
Haiku # 58888, August 24, 2018 2:53 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
You got it way wrong.
Copulating Tortises?
George and Barbara Bush!
Haiku # 58887, August 24, 2018 2:41 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest optometrists
A day at the zoo
Daddy why is that bad man
Pulling his small worm?
Haiku # 58886, August 24, 2018 2:35 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Chemical Castration Services Ltd.
That's a big fat NOPE!
Flying simian semen
should never be missed.

I mean to say that
the semen flies, not the apes.
Toto, is this Oz?

It may not be Oz,
But it ain't fuckin' Kansas!
Rock band reference.

Toto and Kansas.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
Love Judy Garland.
Haiku # 58885, August 24, 2018 11:39 am ET
by
Dr. Doolittle
Maybe you should just stay home
Watch Zaboomafoo
Haiku # 58884, August 24, 2018 11:22 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Tomorrow I go watch the monkeys beat off and civet cats shit out coffee beans to be roasted for my next morning's brew and crocodiles to be turned into ornaments, pouches, bags, and croc-on-a-stick street meat treats. The giant turtle is fun, but it's more fun when they're humping and there's only a lonely one of them... very very sad. Tortoises copulating is an amazing show and even more fun watching the parents explain the "game" they are playing.
Then I will have chocolate covered lizard testes or something like that. How fun. Anything to entertain the monsters.
Haiku # 58883, August 24, 2018 4:09 am ET
by
You fat mother fuckers eating your Goddam Froot Loops and bovine teat juice homogenized hormonized whore moans dirty Johns and dirty toilet cereal serial bowls, you do it again and again in the back alleys cereal bowling alleys begging for a fix of sugar and added vitamins you sick diseased fuckheads! You are the downfall of the human race! I hope you all die!... Oh, and can you pass the sugar and cream...
Slurrrrpppp... ahhhhh... that's much better. Thank you.
Haiku # 58882, August 24, 2018 4:02 am ET
by Poot on Froot Loot. of
thank you, I'll have to
get a box of froot loops the
next time I'm about
Haiku # 58881, August 23, 2018 9:57 pm ET
by vhs of somewhere in the cereal aisle
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