BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
352 Days
68568 Haikus
This photo captcha
sucks big hairy testicles.
It takes forever!

improvements are purely myth.
Except for Fleshlight.

Every time I buy a new computer or update software it seems to run worse than it did before and you have to fight with it to get it to work at all. The best solution is to turn off all updates. Roll back to Windows 7. I mean, Jesus!, Microsoft (named for Gates' penis!) hasn't had a decent upgrade in like 20+ years! Just added on garbage like textbook publishers fucking over college students with "new content" so the old books have to be scrapped. The human race should be turned into BBQ for alien invaders. Seriously.
Haiku #58608, by Darth Figpucker of Why can't the photo captcha have porn pics?!
June 16, 2018 2:52 am ET

He laughed at Playboy
and wanked to Mad Magazine.
Now he's president.
Haiku #58607, by Darth Figpucker
June 16, 2018 2:45 am ET

Confucius say:
Man does headstand nude
in rain with funnel up ass
gets free enema.
Haiku #58606, by Darth Figpucker of Not in China
June 16, 2018 1:08 am ET

like i said im broke
when the weather is bad
no spam jokes here though
Haiku #58605, by vhs
June 14, 2018 11:17 pm ET

where do socks go when
they disappear from laundry?
alien fuel tanks!
Haiku #58604, by vhs of a real married with children episode
June 14, 2018 11:15 pm ET

where do socks go when
they disappear from laundry?
alien fuel tanks!
Haiku #58603, by vhs of a real married with children episode
June 14, 2018 11:15 pm ET

I'm not a robot
but i break down like one when
we have bad weather
Haiku #58602, by vhs
June 14, 2018 7:51 pm ET

that which is not well
expected might turn out
to be just what you need
Haiku #58601, by vhs of all right...for keith richards
June 14, 2018 5:57 pm ET

This is a test of
The long overdue update
Of the bot filter.
Haiku #58600, by Adam
June 14, 2018 5:06 pm ET

I'm not a robot
No really I'm a human
I'm not a robot
Haiku #58599, by Janis
June 14, 2018 5:05 pm ET

well slayer of big
philistines, arevyou going
to out me liking

green mage girls?
Haiku #58598, by vhs
June 5, 2018 10:04 am ET

Just remember that
Drone with Linux as OS...
That's some funny shit
Haiku #58597, by dvd of Fromage Au Trois
June 4, 2018 8:42 pm ET

if sci fi video
game movies are more compelling
than my writing i

need a lot more practice
Haiku #58596, by vhs
June 4, 2018 10:15 am ET

i keep going
despite what's happening in
the world as i see...
Haiku #58595, by vhs
June 3, 2018 8:52 am ET

arbitrary rules set
by men and women with the
will to power, void

no spirit
Haiku #58594, by vhs of empty
June 2, 2018 12:59 pm ET

alice in chains must
have had a good night with her
Dom to make a band
Haiku #58593, by vhs of somethings gonna turn out right
June 2, 2018 1:35 am ET

Look up "contrabass saxophone"
On YouTube (1st result) to hear what
I think that... um, movement must have Sounded like, skip ahead to 1 minute
Or alternatively, while listening
Imagine an overly confident and Morbidly obese person walking down The street eating ice cream
Haiku #58592, by Name of Location
June 2, 2018 12:45 am ET

well i knew you had
faith to move mountains df
not quite what...i thought
Haiku #58591, by vhs of cat
June 1, 2018 2:15 pm ET

I pooped a mountain.
But then it washed out to sea.
The fish were not pleased.
Haiku #58590, by DF
June 1, 2018 3:08 am ET

add pennywise and
the characters from fifth element
and you get fan fiction
Haiku #58589, by vhs
May 31, 2018 10:41 am ET

I like underground.
Storm drain tunnel exploring.
Shoot bottle rockets.

Imagine a bunch of fireworks being shot out of a storm gutter and there's no way to get down there that you can see. And the fireworks are being shot out right in front of your house and from down in the tunnel you hear maniacal laughter of the rat-troll-people echoing in the cavern like labyrinth.

Molotov cocktails. Acres of bad graffiti. Mushrooms and marijuana. And one dim flashlight.
Haiku #58588, by Anonymous Poet
May 31, 2018 4:29 am ET

i found out about
nasty underground evil
rat people, skaven

no its not a trip
on mescaline, it a game
known as warhammer

and these little fucks
are vicious evil chaos
underground dwellers

like certain internet trolls
(not u oh vogon overlord)
Haiku #58587, by vhs of internet search skavenblight, yes yes?
May 30, 2018 11:08 pm ET

i meant down, i aint
down with how it saw dow but
dow is up, not down
Haiku #58586, by vhs of jones that is
May 30, 2018 10:45 pm ET

they say the old way
of doing things is dow and
here i am, doing
Haiku #58585, by vhs
May 30, 2018 10:44 pm ET

And it's FigPucker!
Those cute little fig dimples.
I really like figs.

The fresh ones are best.
Not the cookies or dried figs,
but figs off the tree.

Best when very ripe.
Soft and juicy, just like a
chicken's tight asshole.

I'm pure hillbilly.
Love fuckin' me some chickens.
Eat them afterwards.

Church potluck dinner.
I laugh to watch them eat my
chicken in fig sauce.
Haiku #58584, by Darth Figpucker
May 28, 2018 2:48 pm ET

I know only this:
Genuine happiness is
a squashed mosquito.
Haiku #58583, by DF
May 28, 2018 2:34 pm ET

a voice in the wild
erness memorial the plans are but cut short
Haiku #58582, by vha
May 28, 2018 11:12 am ET

i hate to invoke
my insignifcant self
but here the man is
Haiku #58581, by vhs
May 26, 2018 2:26 pm ET

here comes the rain, again
the fall, totalitarian

gen x, wake up...weve
got to unleash darth pigfucker
on big brother
Haiku #58580, by vhs
May 26, 2018 10:42 am ET

when is it that folks
give up, let go and stop the
forcing of life things?
Haiku #58579, by vhs
May 25, 2018 11:13 am ET

been bust talking to
people who hypnotize their
minds, fetish reasons
Haiku #58578, by vhs
May 24, 2018 11:55 pm ET

Rolls of sumo fat
and elaborate tattoos
distract from small dick.

Purulent and red
from the many whore houses;
weep for the towel.

It knows well the hills
of fried squid topography
unnatural stench.
Haiku #58577, by df of vogsphere
May 24, 2018 12:30 am ET

Sentient towel.
Wet Japanese businessman.
True unhappiness.
Haiku #58576, by df of 42 Intergalactic Towel Day Vogon Poetry Competition
May 23, 2018 8:21 pm ET

With enormous zest
the old woman scratched her ass.
Near ripped her panties.

The filthy old drunk
moaned as he humped the sidewalk,
having found true love.

They know happiness.
More than I can say for you,
miserable poet!
Haiku #58575, by df
May 23, 2018 7:27 am ET

Emily Post erred.
She neglected to mention
road kill etiquette.

It is proper to
make love to your road kill first
before serving it?

And if so, should one
discuss this at the table
or don't tell the guests?

What wine should be served?
Which hooch goes best with possum
and won't come back up?
Haiku #58574, by Darth Figpucker
May 22, 2018 5:52 pm ET

Buy a rubber suit
that allows you to suck farts
like scuba divers.
Haiku #58573, by
May 21, 2018 10:28 pm ET

Buy a rubber suit
that allows you to suck farts
like scuba divers.
Haiku #58572, by
May 21, 2018 10:28 pm ET

Do not eat boogers.
Find a better protein source.
Ask your local vet.
Haiku #58571, by DF of Vogsphere
May 21, 2018 9:03 pm ET

Some men fuck chickens.
Others rape them, but real men
make love to their hens.
Haiku #58570, by DF
May 21, 2018 8:54 pm ET

well it's still here but
we do post again, again
casey up at bat
Haiku #58569, by vhs
May 20, 2018 8:45 pm ET

My vagina hurts.
Oh, wait, I have a penis.
that would explain it.
Haiku #58568, by Darth Figpucker
May 20, 2018 5:01 am ET

it's quiet by the
old website like an old bar
old timers only
Haiku #58567, by vhs
May 19, 2018 9:50 am ET

i wonder if there
was a website called badger
haiku in the past
Haiku #58566, by vhs
May 18, 2018 11:15 am ET

pan galactic and
gargle, crushed the mind with a
gold brick so they say

don't forget your towel my froods
Haiku #58565, by vhs of xx
May 16, 2018 11:45 am ET

hernia repaired
though my balzac is blackened
and my manhood bruised
Haiku #58564, by ash
May 16, 2018 9:41 am ET

Oh, that reminds me:
Towel Day is approaching.
You know what I mean.

Some froods might call it
"International", but it's

Vogon poetry
Is a must during these weeks
so expect the worst.
Haiku #58563, by DF
May 16, 2018 6:37 am ET

After a bad flu,
snotted so hard it's like a
nasal orgasm.

Thick and congealed.
My sinuses feel emptied.
And now I can breathe.
Haiku #58562, by DF
May 16, 2018 6:34 am ET

That does not make sense.
I am totally lost now.
Crackers curb sex... HOW?
Haiku #58561, by df
May 16, 2018 6:27 am ET

graham crackers were
meant to cut down on sex but
someone thought it was

a great idea to
put peanut butter on them
and they do taste good
Haiku #58560, by vhs
May 15, 2018 11:44 pm ET

Telll me you don't eat
Graham cracker hamburgers;
that would be... nasty.
Haiku #58559, by df of At a cockfight.
May 15, 2018 7:17 pm ET