Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

Allergic to cats
Own a cat I love dearly
Love means suffering
Haiku # 58475, April 20, 2018 2:30 pm ET
by Jay of Maryland
im dealing with so called
real life so i will get back
to you after ... life
Haiku # 58474, April 20, 2018 11:44 am ET
by vhs of where the hell is marvin when you need him
But the same guy writes books about
Magic and vaginal exercises so
I'm not sure how seriously I take him
Haiku # 58473, April 20, 2018 6:04 am ET
by cyborg of nothing wrong with exercising the old vag every once in a while, though
Learned about it from a guy that grew
Superweed for the government in the
70's, Lunar Base Alpha I think it was Called, they figured it would be good
To know how to do in lunar conditions
All for science of course
Haiku # 58472, April 20, 2018 5:59 am ET
by cyborg
Catalyzing the fusion of deuterium
With muons but then surviving the Flood of radiation and stuff
The real tricky part unless the goal
Is to be a walking neutron and gamma Ray emitter which could be a cool party Trick if you really really want everyone At the party to die a horrible death
Haiku # 58471, April 20, 2018 5:53 am ET
by cyborg of I don't want everyone at the party to die a horrible death
Does dueteration
of fullerenes have useful

For example is
affected or increased.

Or perhaps it's the
critical temperature
that's affected.

But deuterium
would increase the entropy.
So it is doubtful.

Oh, by the way, sir,
I just made a horrific
thundering flatus.

Buckminster Fuller
probably never did that.
He was no chemist!

Geodesic domes
cannot contain my flatus!
They are too caustic.
Haiku # 58470, April 20, 2018 4:48 am ET
by df
There's nothing quite like
getting drunk at a cock fight
in South East Asia.

Win lots of money.
Then buy a cheap prostitute.
Get an STD.

Give it to your wife.
So you'll soon get a divorce.
And lose your children.

And pay child support.
For the next fifteen plus years.
Goddamn that rooster!

This story's moral:
Never put blame on yourself.
Blame then animal.

And when you next eat
at Chick Fil-A, be happy
that chickens suffer.
Haiku # 58469, April 20, 2018 4:32 am ET
by df
If you've never seen
penile implants exploding
count yourself lucky.
Haiku # 58468, April 20, 2018 4:22 am ET
by df
Gastric upheaval
Explosive diarrhea
Nauseating stench
Haiku # 58467, April 19, 2018 7:29 pm ET
by Jay of Maryland
Titles like
"Synthesis of Perdeuterofullerane: C60D36 Evidences of Isotope Effect in the Stability of C60 D36"
Are basically porn to me
Turns me on
Haiku # 58466, April 19, 2018 7:14 pm ET
by cyborg
I wonder what Floppyboots Boy
Is up to these days and if he is finally
The sidekick of Lobster Man?
Haiku # 58465, April 19, 2018 2:11 pm ET
by dvd
Also some people do well with soy
Others do not
Either way hemp protein is superior
Trump certainly has a multitude
Of multifaceted flaws
But at least he seems to be allowing
States to make up their own minds
Regarding the controversial herb
Haiku # 58464, April 19, 2018 12:45 pm ET
by dvd of poor jeffy sessions must be throwing a temper tantrum
Everyone's brainwashed
Programmed by someone
The distinction is only
Who is actually reading
The user agreement
And whose brand you're buying
Haiku # 58463, April 19, 2018 12:43 pm ET
by cyborg
Woe to the soyboys
With testosterone levels
Of 90 year olds

But however I
Support their decision to
Not compete gene-wise
Haiku # 58462, April 19, 2018 12:41 pm ET
by Grateful Dickhead
if cats ruled the world
i think we would be too busy
going aww, to fight
Haiku # 58461, April 19, 2018 10:36 am ET
by vhs
so here we have say
mark dice, kind of an asshole
speaking truth he says

to a bunch of tofu brained
oversensitive grown children
who hate to hear

no! remind you
of anyone on a bad day
on this server?
Haiku # 58460, April 19, 2018 10:29 am ET
by vhs
the tribal nature
of trump supporters vs say
coastal liberals

has driven such groups
not to interact so there
is the two...or more

bubbles bursted and
uncompromising, well you
know, some folks forgot

how to listen kind
of like me...oh hmm, i do
wonder about that...
Haiku # 58459, April 19, 2018 10:27 am ET
by vhs
but as a wise man
sang once, just eat it, just
eat it, eat it woo
Haiku # 58458, April 18, 2018 11:50 pm ET
by vhs
aint that funny...that
was a song i used making
a video in

college, back when a
Mac was just a Mac and there
was Ally McBeal

Dancing Baby
Haiku # 58457, April 18, 2018 11:49 pm ET
by vhs
Desert for this Zappa
Extravaganza? Must be
Peaches en Regalia
Haiku # 58456, April 18, 2018 9:42 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
A hot dog pizza
that's Frank Zappa's look-alike
would be frank pizza.

Quite frankly.

My name is Weird Al.
And I approve this message.
Food, glorious food!
Haiku # 58455, April 18, 2018 7:59 pm ET
by df
you know who i miss
frank zappa...i keep seeing
look alikes of him

everywhere i go
Haiku # 58454, April 18, 2018 10:32 am ET
by vhs
Fuck television.
It is more mindless than drugs.
And far more harmful.
Haiku # 58453, April 18, 2018 7:35 am ET
by df
So I got pizza.
What the fuck does Buddha know?
Now I am at peace.

I was unfulfilled
and I also filled nothing.
But now I'm happy.

Ate the whole damn pie.
Now I am whole and complete.
And a complete hole.
Haiku # 58452, April 18, 2018 7:33 am ET
by df
The happy ending
left me feeling quite vacant
in more ways than one.
Haiku # 58451, April 18, 2018 7:31 am ET
by df
well df i like you
i hate that you don't like stuff
and i am Chaos

itself so... well, we've
known each other for years
i ate haagen daas
Haiku # 58450, April 16, 2018 9:04 pm ET
by vhs
anyhow i hope
someone i know here shows up
cd with muslim

tendencies, interesting fellow
Haiku # 58449, April 16, 2018 9:03 pm ET
by vhs
i am The Force of Chaos
The Idiot Blind God of Hope
And Giving You a Hard Time

And trying to tell you
Give yourself a few more chances
and let Chaos as i understand it

Haiku # 58448, April 16, 2018 9:01 pm ET
by vhs
Do not be concerned.
I am not suicidal.
But I yearn for death.

The world has drained me.
I have nothing left to give.
And I do not care.

I hate my penis.
It caused me to have children.
What was I thinking?!

Do not get me wrong.
I love them and all that stuff.
But there is no hope.

No future for Earth.
And it will be a slow death.
Starvation and pain.

In one hundred years.
Maybe even less than that.
I just feel bad for...

the animals.

And so I hate God.
But I don't really believe.
Though I would like to.
Haiku # 58447, April 16, 2018 8:58 pm ET
by df
not as good as crunchy
frog I'm afraid, real frogs
cleaned in spring water

and in ice cream and chockies

I'm getting sick of how evil the Left actually is said to be...

I'm also getting sick of people not
ministering to Antifa types

there needs to be a new Billy Graham
Haiku # 58446, April 16, 2018 8:18 pm ET
by vhs
New flavor from Haagen Dasz
Cthulu's Everlasting Agony and Torment
Made with calamari, broken glass...
And caramel swirl
Coming soon
Haiku # 58445, April 16, 2018 4:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
i also know that this
sort of disjointed writing
was what leonard cohen

wrote as a novelist
on top of his music and poems
we of gen x know

dig, will and keep going
Haiku # 58444, April 16, 2018 2:28 pm ET
by vhs
i read weird
see i went to college in
the 1990s so... i mean

i would probably
dig your book in print form
I hope this stuff we

do here becomes some
nucleus of some sort of thing
bill, jack and allen did
Haiku # 58443, April 16, 2018 2:20 pm ET
by vhs
This is crazy... but apparently in Damascus University (before this war started) there were a few individuals who had read my novel. People I'd never met or heard of before.

Kind of blows my mind. Life.
Haiku # 58442, April 16, 2018 6:17 am ET
by df
Porn and pot warheads
would likely be effective
to stop goat raping.
Haiku # 58441, April 16, 2018 6:15 am ET
by df
I'm no Satanist.
I believe the opposite
of what you believe.

Just because I can.
And because I hate people.
And I hate counting.

We're not computers.
But we often act that way.
One zero zero.
Haiku # 58440, April 16, 2018 6:12 am ET
by df
Only if by "dudes" you mean
Telepathic tentacle monsters
And by "abide" you mean dwell
In everlasting torment and agony
Then yes, it would be very
Could also be a new flavor of
Haagen Dasz
Haiku # 58439, April 16, 2018 1:41 am ET
by HAL
we seem to be the
Dudes Who Abide, does that sound
lovecraftian though?
Haiku # 58438, April 16, 2018 12:24 am ET
by vhs
df is more a chill
hedonist than satanist
ill ask him to be

my secretary of
state and fully expect porn
and marijuana warheads

launched at terrorist enclaves
Haiku # 58437, April 16, 2018 12:12 am ET
by vhs
i grew up eating
all natural bryers, of
course its delicious

feels good going down
Haiku # 58436, April 16, 2018 12:10 am ET
by vhs
In which the Satanist
And the Evangelist
Discuss Haagen Dasz
Haiku # 58435, April 15, 2018 11:14 pm ET
by HAL
That was just a joke.
But you know that, I am sure.
Ninety-nine percent.
Haiku # 58434, April 15, 2018 10:03 pm ET
by df
Nabisco's Chicken
in a Biscuit with bacon
flavored squirt cheddar.

Aerosol cheddar:
The pinnacle of human
achievement by far.
Haiku # 58433, April 15, 2018 10:02 pm ET
by df
And how do you like
the all natural ice cream?
Pretty good stuff, huh?
Haiku # 58432, April 15, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by df
The Dude will abide!
White Russians are sure tasty.
Except for Putin.

Putin's an asshole.
Power hungry maniac.
Like his best friend Trump.

They talk late at night
about their fun game of war
and how to profit.
Haiku # 58431, April 15, 2018 8:26 pm ET
by df
how the hell would i get
milk in it with adrenochrome,
nor would i want to...

I'll stick with Lebowski's White
Russians thank you very much
Haiku # 58430, April 15, 2018 7:23 pm ET
by vhs
yes i did purchase
the haagen das and i tried
it,...all natural...
Haiku # 58429, April 15, 2018 7:03 pm ET
by vhs
well good old bill said
weve draconian laws which
burroughs us under

real naked lunch
Haiku # 58428, April 15, 2018 9:04 am ET
by vhs
The only time I drink alcohol is when
My stomach is seriously fucked
I'll have a little wine but other than that
I only use alcohol as hand sanitizer
I prefer thc, even though that makes
Me a bad person according to AG
Jeffy Sessions the evil elf from the
Bowels of Mordoor
Haiku # 58427, April 15, 2018 5:49 am ET
by dvd of I avoid even thc because it inhibits dreaming
The difference between medicine
And poison is the dosage
A lot of people are too simple
To be expected to understand
Something as simple as mass
If your only experience with alcohol
Was drinking a liter of vodka it would Color your perception of having 1 beer
Haiku # 58426, April 15, 2018 5:43 am ET
by Microdose
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