well that was a lot
of funny stuff right there so
my ass needs some glue

after reading all that
lmao is a bad
condition to have

if you want to sit

Probably the funniest thing I have
Ever heard was Louis C.K. on the radio
Trying to get Donald Rumsfeld
To state definitively that he is not
A lizard-person from outer space
He simply would not

Pee-Wee Herman became my hero when I saw him do his hamburger routine on Cheech and Chong's Nice Dreams.
I have since developed a great respect for iguanas and indeed all reptilian life forms except for politicians.
Shame about the porno thing. Paul Reubens would make an awesome president. Fucking pigs.

Goddamn I love coffee.
And I don't care if it hates me.
I enjoy inflicting myself upon coffee.
Torturing it after it's been roasted.
Sometimes I read my worst poetry
to my morning coffee
just to see if it will come to life
and try to run away.
It's only happened twice.
Each time, I hunt it down and drag it back,
steaming and sweetened.

Vaginal pus nibblets.
Encrusted frillies.
Go well with cognac.
Very Stinky Old Panties.
Xanadu Olfactory bone apart.
It ate my cigar!
Bill knows.

Is it a sin to enjoy sinning?
And to keep on sinning without repentance?
And if I burn in hell and complain that it's too cold down here, what then?
As long as my wife's not there...
Know what I mean, Vern?

At least you're not a homework whore.
Fucking cheating Arabs.
But they pay fairly well.
Praise Allah for cell phones.

i often wonder
why people think I'm human
but i wash dishes

for a living

Digital venereal disease,
Why do you assume humanity?
All who know me call me evil and monster.
Then we have a beer.

"kill all people"
...
start with yourself, please and thanks

good, we need more of
that cynicism, i like
it now and again

Guns don't kill people.
People kill people, that's true.
So kill all people.

Then there will be peace.
But that is itself a lie.
This universe sucks.

It sucks out your life.
It sucks the life out of life.
It's just a big drain.

There is never peace.
Only war and predation.
I, for one, blame God.

i saw the flags down
at half mast on my drive home
tonight, and it hit

me what has just come
to pass today, who could think
polarized...they still

politicize

well you can stand me
up to the gates of hell, i guess
ill stand my ground, lets roll another
down

Hey any of you
Spare a joint for a wayward
Spirit of stoner?

The soaring price of prostitution is enough to piss anyone off, I guess. The ball and chain made beans and they're too Goddamn spicy. Think I'll go run a tank through a nursing home. Or sell Cambodian toddler meat labeled as all-organic free range turkey lunch slices. Something. Anything for my 15 seconds. I deserve that much, don't I?
Never mind. The farts are starting. Guess I'll settle for pulling the cover over someone's head tonight. In my world, it's more tragic. You'd have to be there. But it won't make the news.

So, anyone care to talk about the terrible health effects of hydrogenated fats? Oreos are a prime example. Heart attacks, clogged arteries, etc. Anyone? Is that too boring? I give up.

That was pretty bad, Ash.

the loss in vegas
shooting craps is not enough
you can bet your life

Maybe its because my parents
Divorced when I was young
But when tragedy strikes
My brain automatically tries
To understand how and why
It's all my fault

call me the breeze but
i wish i could blow away
like the wind the pain

and evil in the
world, each day seems to bring new
tragedy and theres not a word for it...

the new month, tenth in
the year, eighth long ago, ain't
history so grand?

five o clock, the time
passes into october
we name the days, months

real life hassles we
all got, health, wealth and congress
and the decaf too

saturday morning
no more cartoons, thanks a lot
1990s congress

there's always someone
saying the end is nigh, but
there's some payoff there

someone is trying
to get from saying that, I
think the time i will

worry is when i
see a giant marshmallow
man stomping New York

that group of names so
in the news or print or on
line, when they pass to

the other side, I
know more will come their
way but i know they

were unique for their
own time and place and
circumstance in time

the end is not near
disaster not imminent
We must learn to cope

good night hugh heffner
bedding down with the angels
eternally stiff

I wish for profound
But end up with stuff like this
pink badger mittens

writer's block after all
these years finally lifting
but to hear the real

life troubles of folks
who do this sort of thing in a
world gone digital

I don't seem to care
if there isn't a "point" I'll
just do as i believe

the moment one tries
to say something profound
sometimes it works out

but it tends to work
best, i think if it just kind
of happens, LIKE, that

Stupid distractions
Keep me from important things
But fun to be had

i'LL JUST pretend that
wasn't me and treat that last
post, a mystery

i think thinking keeps
me sane, iM Not so sure about
others but cest la vie

I won't act like I have a full
Comprehension of higher dimensional
Mathematics... But imagine
Being 1 dimensional and watching
Someone throw a baseball
All you'd see is a straight line
You wouldnt see the outline of the ball
You wouldn't see the subtle changes
In the ball as it moves through time
The idea is that there are structures
That are to our ordinary perception
Just like the 4 dimensional ball was
To a 1 dimensional observer
We only perceive what our sensorum
Lets through the filter
The rest is all math
That for all I know was composed
By orangutans with a greek keyboard

Pornography is
Intimacy illusion
And all by proxy

a porn film with a
witty comment track just
might make the porn film

more interesting
than watching two people have
sex and bad acting

days come and go and
one of those days might be the
last for any of us

Who plays Asteroids?
How about you, VHS?
Or do you just watch?

You Tube video
games are more lazy than porn.
Too limp to jack off.

Like watching other
dudes jack off while commenting
about the porn stars.

I've often wanted to see a spoof Asteroids called Hemorrhoids where a Prep-H space ship shoots down flaring anal sores but with realistic graphics... I guess graphic graphics. That would be too cool.

ashes to ashes
dust to dust, sales of vacuums
bound to go up

I'm still trying to
sort out exactly what a
calabi yau mani-

fold IS...it is the
warp of space time really real
small smaller than strings

in string theory? I'm
not too up spot on these math
things..a Calabi Yau

Bad Haiku? we've talked
about this before i think

like a new ball sack
my impressive hernia
hangs pendulously

sometimes it gurgles
but mostly it just sits there
like a groin buddha

i need some support
but as i'm an agnostic
there's no trussed in god

Cheer up vhs
You could be like me
Up at 2 am imagining what?
One Million Tiny Adam Sandlers

I'm going to watch
some 1980s video games
on the youtube

yes that is what i
do for entertainment

well the Cow did jump
over the Moon, the dish did run
away with the spoon

the fork must be pissed
and where does this leave Venus
Phobos and Deimos?

Virgo just gave birth
To Jupiter, I wonder
Who the father is

when i was younger
i wanted to charge around
i feel like i want

to recover these
days but i want to feel i
can charge about

again

each day goes on like
a film segment and each new
day is a new day

at the studio
we all call life, movies in
the mind tell the tale

wasted days and so
many wasted nights and still
the jokes keep coming

"Will somebody get this girl
off our car?"

- Bob Dylan