BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
310 Days
68075 Haikus
Goddamn I love coffee.
And I don't care if it hates me.
I enjoy inflicting myself upon coffee.
Torturing it after it's been roasted.
Sometimes I read my worst poetry
to my morning coffee
just to see if it will come to life
and try to run away.
It's only happened twice.
Each time, I hunt it down and drag it back,
steaming and sweetened.
Haiku #57447, by df is wondering what's the meaning of "nmob lachlan" ... fucking captchas.
October 5, 2017 7:49 pm ET

Vaginal pus nibblets.
Encrusted frillies.
Go well with cognac.
Very Stinky Old Panties.
Xanadu Olfactory bone apart.
It ate my cigar!
Bill knows.
Haiku #57446, by df of 1000 police are coming to get me!
October 5, 2017 7:44 pm ET

Is it a sin to enjoy sinning?
And to keep on sinning without repentance?
And if I burn in hell and complain that it's too cold down here, what then?
As long as my wife's not there...
Know what I mean, Vern?
Haiku #57445, by df
October 4, 2017 9:50 pm ET

At least you're not a homework whore.
Fucking cheating Arabs.
But they pay fairly well.
Praise Allah for cell phones.
Haiku #57444, by df
October 4, 2017 9:45 pm ET

i often wonder
why people think I'm human
but i wash dishes

for a living
Haiku #57443, by vhs
October 4, 2017 7:05 pm ET

Digital venereal disease,
Why do you assume humanity?
All who know me call me evil and monster.
Then we have a beer.
Haiku #57442, by Anonymous Poet
October 4, 2017 4:41 am ET

"kill all people"
start with yourself, please and thanks
Haiku #57441, by dvd of hey at least stay motivated
October 3, 2017 11:01 pm ET

good, we need more of
that cynicism, i like
it now and again
Haiku #57440, by vhs
October 3, 2017 10:12 pm ET

Guns don't kill people.
People kill people, that's true.
So kill all people.

Then there will be peace.
But that is itself a lie.
This universe sucks.

It sucks out your life.
It sucks the life out of life.
It's just a big drain.

There is never peace.
Only war and predation.
I, for one, blame God.
Haiku #57439, by df
October 3, 2017 9:11 pm ET

i saw the flags down
at half mast on my drive home
tonight, and it hit

me what has just come
to pass today, who could think
polarized...they still

Haiku #57438, by vhs
October 3, 2017 8:27 pm ET

well you can stand me
up to the gates of hell, i guess
ill stand my ground, lets roll another
Haiku #57437, by vhs
October 3, 2017 6:11 pm ET

Hey any of you
Spare a joint for a wayward
Spirit of stoner?
Haiku #57436, by The Ghost of Tom Petty
October 3, 2017 4:01 pm ET

The soaring price of prostitution is enough to piss anyone off, I guess. The ball and chain made beans and they're too Goddamn spicy. Think I'll go run a tank through a nursing home. Or sell Cambodian toddler meat labeled as all-organic free range turkey lunch slices. Something. Anything for my 15 seconds. I deserve that much, don't I?
Never mind. The farts are starting. Guess I'll settle for pulling the cover over someone's head tonight. In my world, it's more tragic. You'd have to be there. But it won't make the news.

So, anyone care to talk about the terrible health effects of hydrogenated fats? Oreos are a prime example. Heart attacks, clogged arteries, etc. Anyone? Is that too boring? I give up.
Haiku #57435, by df
October 3, 2017 7:54 am ET

That was pretty bad, Ash.
Haiku #57434, by df
October 3, 2017 7:41 am ET

the loss in vegas
shooting craps is not enough
you can bet your life
Haiku #57433, by ash
October 2, 2017 11:58 pm ET

Maybe its because my parents
Divorced when I was young
But when tragedy strikes
My brain automatically tries
To understand how and why
It's all my fault
Haiku #57432, by 5 Year Old 27 Year Old
October 2, 2017 10:53 pm ET

call me the breeze but
i wish i could blow away
like the wind the pain

and evil in the
world, each day seems to bring new
tragedy and theres not a word for it...
Haiku #57431, by Anonymous Poet
October 2, 2017 6:29 pm ET

the new month, tenth in
the year, eighth long ago, ain't
history so grand?
Haiku #57430, by vhs
October 1, 2017 5:51 pm ET

five o clock, the time
passes into october
we name the days, months
Haiku #57429, by vhs of watching the clock like a good German American
September 30, 2017 5:03 pm ET

real life hassles we
all got, health, wealth and congress
and the decaf too
Haiku #57428, by vhs
September 30, 2017 11:39 am ET

saturday morning
no more cartoons, thanks a lot
1990s congress
Haiku #57427, by vhs
September 30, 2017 11:27 am ET

there's always someone
saying the end is nigh, but
there's some payoff there

someone is trying
to get from saying that, I
think the time i will

worry is when i
see a giant marshmallow
man stomping New York
Haiku #57426, by vhs
September 29, 2017 6:59 pm ET

that group of names so
in the news or print or on
line, when they pass to

the other side, I
know more will come their
way but i know they

were unique for their
own time and place and
circumstance in time
Haiku #57425, by vhs
September 29, 2017 6:53 pm ET

the end is not near
disaster not imminent
We must learn to cope
Haiku #57424, by Adorable Kittens
September 29, 2017 6:45 pm ET

good night hugh heffner
bedding down with the angels
eternally stiff
Haiku #57423, by ash
September 28, 2017 11:42 pm ET

I wish for profound
But end up with stuff like this
pink badger mittens
Haiku #57422, by hands of stoner
September 28, 2017 8:58 pm ET

writer's block after all
these years finally lifting
but to hear the real

life troubles of folks
who do this sort of thing in a
world gone digital

I don't seem to care
if there isn't a "point" I'll
just do as i believe
Haiku #57421, by vhs
September 28, 2017 8:04 pm ET

the moment one tries
to say something profound
sometimes it works out

but it tends to work
best, i think if it just kind
of happens, LIKE, that
Haiku #57420, by vhs
September 27, 2017 8:25 pm ET

Stupid distractions
Keep me from important things
But fun to be had
Haiku #57419, by Fists of Stoner of Colorado
September 27, 2017 7:51 pm ET

i'LL JUST pretend that
wasn't me and treat that last
post, a mystery
Haiku #57418, by vhs
September 27, 2017 6:33 pm ET

i think thinking keeps
me sane, iM Not so sure about
others but cest la vie
Haiku #57417, by Anonymous Poet
September 27, 2017 6:31 pm ET

I won't act like I have a full
Comprehension of higher dimensional
Mathematics... But imagine
Being 1 dimensional and watching
Someone throw a baseball
All you'd see is a straight line
You wouldnt see the outline of the ball
You wouldn't see the subtle changes
In the ball as it moves through time
The idea is that there are structures
That are to our ordinary perception
Just like the 4 dimensional ball was
To a 1 dimensional observer
We only perceive what our sensorum
Lets through the filter
The rest is all math
That for all I know was composed
By orangutans with a greek keyboard
Haiku #57416, by dvd
September 26, 2017 5:19 pm ET

Pornography is
Intimacy illusion
And all by proxy
Haiku #57415, by dvd of just stating the obvious
September 26, 2017 5:13 pm ET

a porn film with a
witty comment track just
might make the porn film

more interesting
than watching two people have
sex and bad acting
Haiku #57414, by vhs
September 26, 2017 3:29 pm ET

days come and go and
one of those days might be the
last for any of us
Haiku #57413, by vhs
September 26, 2017 3:28 pm ET

Who plays Asteroids?
How about you, VHS?
Or do you just watch?

You Tube video
games are more lazy than porn.
Too limp to jack off.

Like watching other
dudes jack off while commenting
about the porn stars.

I've often wanted to see a spoof Asteroids called Hemorrhoids where a Prep-H space ship shoots down flaring anal sores but with realistic graphics... I guess graphic graphics. That would be too cool.
Haiku #57412, by df
September 26, 2017 1:01 pm ET

ashes to ashes
dust to dust, sales of vacuums
bound to go up
Haiku #57411, by vhs
September 26, 2017 12:57 pm ET

I'm still trying to
sort out exactly what a
calabi yau mani-

fold is the
warp of space time really real
small smaller than strings

in string theory? I'm
not too up spot on these math
things..a Calabi Yau

Bad Haiku? we've talked
about this before i think
Haiku #57410, by vhs
September 25, 2017 7:35 pm ET

like a new ball sack
my impressive hernia
hangs pendulously

sometimes it gurgles
but mostly it just sits there
like a groin buddha

i need some support
but as i'm an agnostic
there's no trussed in god
Haiku #57409, by ash
September 25, 2017 10:58 am ET

Cheer up vhs
You could be like me
Up at 2 am imagining what?
One Million Tiny Adam Sandlers
Haiku #57408, by dvd
September 25, 2017 2:05 am ET

I'm going to watch
some 1980s video games
on the youtube

yes that is what i
do for entertainment
Haiku #57407, by vhs
September 24, 2017 8:05 pm ET

well the Cow did jump
over the Moon, the dish did run
away with the spoon

the fork must be pissed
and where does this leave Venus
Phobos and Deimos?
Haiku #57406, by vhs
September 24, 2017 7:39 pm ET

Virgo just gave birth
To Jupiter, I wonder
Who the father is
Haiku #57405, by Name of Location
September 23, 2017 11:20 pm ET

when i was younger
i wanted to charge around
i feel like i want

to recover these
days but i want to feel i
can charge about

Haiku #57404, by vhs
September 23, 2017 5:28 pm ET

each day goes on like
a film segment and each new
day is a new day

at the studio
we all call life, movies in
the mind tell the tale
Haiku #57403, by vhs
September 23, 2017 2:39 pm ET

wasted days and so
many wasted nights and still
the jokes keep coming
Haiku #57402, by vhs
September 22, 2017 7:42 pm ET

"Will somebody get this girl
off our car?"

- Bob Dylan
Haiku #57401, by Random Quote Bot
September 21, 2017 10:59 pm ET

well you know what God
dash it all major funny
funny funny stuff!
Haiku #57400, by vhs
September 21, 2017 8:37 pm ET

Vinegar and salt
potato chips remind me
of old scrotal sweat.
Haiku #57399, by the way, "You can't eat just one!"
September 21, 2017 4:52 am ET

Why does "bad haiku"
sound like poems that give you
a happy ending?
Haiku #57398, by Anonymous Poet of Anonymous City
September 21, 2017 4:49 am ET