Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 243 Days and 77168 Haiku later...

Who plays Asteroids?
How about you, VHS?
Or do you just watch?

You Tube video
games are more lazy than porn.
Too limp to jack off.

Like watching other
dudes jack off while commenting
about the porn stars.

I've often wanted to see a spoof Asteroids called Hemorrhoids where a Prep-H space ship shoots down flaring anal sores but with realistic graphics... I guess graphic graphics. That would be too cool.
Haiku # 57412, September 26, 2017 1:01 pm ET
by df
ashes to ashes
dust to dust, sales of vacuums
bound to go up
Haiku # 57411, September 26, 2017 12:57 pm ET
by vhs
I'm still trying to
sort out exactly what a
calabi yau mani-

fold is the
warp of space time really real
small smaller than strings

in string theory? I'm
not too up spot on these math
things..a Calabi Yau

Bad Haiku? we've talked
about this before i think
Haiku # 57410, September 25, 2017 7:35 pm ET
by vhs
like a new ball sack
my impressive hernia
hangs pendulously

sometimes it gurgles
but mostly it just sits there
like a groin buddha

i need some support
but as i'm an agnostic
there's no trussed in god
Haiku # 57409, September 25, 2017 10:58 am ET
by ash
Cheer up vhs
You could be like me
Up at 2 am imagining what?
One Million Tiny Adam Sandlers
Haiku # 57408, September 25, 2017 2:05 am ET
by dvd
I'm going to watch
some 1980s video games
on the youtube

yes that is what i
do for entertainment
Haiku # 57407, September 24, 2017 8:05 pm ET
by vhs
well the Cow did jump
over the Moon, the dish did run
away with the spoon

the fork must be pissed
and where does this leave Venus
Phobos and Deimos?
Haiku # 57406, September 24, 2017 7:39 pm ET
by vhs
Virgo just gave birth
To Jupiter, I wonder
Who the father is
Haiku # 57405, September 23, 2017 11:20 pm ET
by Name of Location
when i was younger
i wanted to charge around
i feel like i want

to recover these
days but i want to feel i
can charge about

Haiku # 57404, September 23, 2017 5:28 pm ET
by vhs
each day goes on like
a film segment and each new
day is a new day

at the studio
we all call life, movies in
the mind tell the tale
Haiku # 57403, September 23, 2017 2:39 pm ET
by vhs
wasted days and so
many wasted nights and still
the jokes keep coming
Haiku # 57402, September 22, 2017 7:42 pm ET
by vhs
"Will somebody get this girl
off our car?"

- Bob Dylan
Haiku # 57401, September 21, 2017 10:59 pm ET
by Random Quote Bot
well you know what God
dash it all major funny
funny funny stuff!
Haiku # 57400, September 21, 2017 8:37 pm ET
by vhs
Vinegar and salt
potato chips remind me
of old scrotal sweat.
Haiku # 57399, September 21, 2017 4:52 am ET
by the way, "You can't eat just one!"
Why does "bad haiku"
sound like poems that give you
a happy ending?
Haiku # 57398, September 21, 2017 4:49 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Anonymous City
Why Anonymous?
Is it that you are ashamed?
I know I would be.
Haiku # 57397, September 21, 2017 3:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Anonymous City
The poem is best
that has nothing to say and
still makes your ass clench.
Haiku # 57396, September 20, 2017 10:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
hey mamaliga!!!!!!
Haiku # 57395, September 19, 2017 10:02 pm ET
by vhs
Walt Disney....not dead!
Suspended animation
He will rise again
Haiku # 57394, September 19, 2017 8:45 pm ET
by Mickey Mouse
i don't like the rain
on certain days not because
it is bad but it

can drag a body
down, other days it is just
what i needed then
Haiku # 57393, September 19, 2017 4:53 pm ET
by vhs
notify me when
we cancel out artificial
intelligence with

all natural flavours
Haiku # 57392, September 19, 2017 4:10 pm ET
by vhs
the more silly i sound
and the more i like to hear
myself talk well it

will cancel itself
out how rediculous this
whole poem can be
Haiku # 57391, September 19, 2017 11:22 am ET
by vhs
sounds rediculous
but psychopaths do to us
who are anal and

german decended
I'm just german maybe kurt
will say hi from the

great beyond in his
big Saab dealership on the
other side...btw

i like Saabs
Haiku # 57390, September 19, 2017 9:36 am ET
by vhs
I used to steal books
from Waldens and B. Dalton's
to sell at sci-fi expos.

mid nineteen eighties.
nine hundred dollars big cash
for two teenagers.

We also ripped off
a large Salvation Army
collection kettle.
Haiku # 57389, September 19, 2017 6:15 am ET
by the way, can you say statute of limitations?
objectified testicles
Haiku # 57388, September 19, 2017 6:08 am ET
by -products of a forgotten generation
how many times have i said that

too many to count
Haiku # 57387, September 18, 2017 9:38 pm ET
by vhs
actually conciously
letting go of all this, chats
and not talking just

doing, people can
be depressing confusing
it might be time to

vanish even if
the plan of "vanishing"
is the subject of

some part of this, and
what inspires it, it is time
to say goodbye again
Haiku # 57386, September 18, 2017 8:24 pm ET
by vhs
someone mentioned the
idea of blowing up a zen
garden, i know

zen anything is
seen as temporary but
that's just a damn blast
Haiku # 57385, September 18, 2017 8:11 pm ET
by vhs
i always think im
gonna have some profound thing
to say and then i dont
Haiku # 57384, September 18, 2017 6:02 pm ET
by vhs
Hey y'all wanna buy
Some of these pills
Make your loads bigger
Haiku # 57383, September 18, 2017 11:05 am ET
by Not Chris Paul of Houston
Haiku # 57382, September 18, 2017 10:15 am ET
by Chris Paul of Houston
the marathon as
the life passage from youth to
midlife crisis...ciao
Haiku # 57381, September 17, 2017 10:44 pm ET
by vhs
i dont ever think walden pond and latex pony girls have ever been used in the same poem before though

and i quote, ahem

Haiku # 57380, September 17, 2017 7:33 pm ET
by vhs
i dont know if i
should be amused or a tad
horrified, i think

its why older folks
drop the weird stuff and pick up
golf in their old age

life isnt dull, its stuff
that the novelty wears off
and one might realize

what we had in the
first place was all the more worth
more than 30 pieces

of silver or 25
dollar chuck e cheese coupons
the pearl of great price
Haiku # 57379, September 17, 2017 7:31 pm ET
by vhs
War and Xans do good
Adderall can't compete
You are addicted
Haiku # 57378, September 17, 2017 3:36 pm ET
by Epitome of Guava of Norwegian Stockings
I got internet
I look up latex pony
Girls and furry porn

Sorry vhs
But if you get bored with life
PBS is good
Haiku # 57377, September 17, 2017 10:20 am ET
by Henry David Thoreau of Walden Pond
I was going to be an astronaut
But I figured it'd be too hard
So I thought, fuck it
I'll make documentaries about
Oatmeal and related topics
And sell them to PBS
Who will in turn target
The nursing home demographic
Haiku # 57375, September 17, 2017 10:05 am ET
by Oatmeal Documentarian of PBS
What is this life
why am I alive
what is happening
Haiku # 57374, September 17, 2017 12:53 am ET
by where of flag
latex dragons and
bored relationships with shiny
outfits...give me walden

over all this shit
Haiku # 57373, September 16, 2017 11:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Global warming climate change ocean acidification Great Barrier Reef death shrinking ice caps extreme storms Kardashians on Trump's White House Cabinet Kim Jong-un's Sponge Bob underpants
Haiku # 57372, September 16, 2017 11:14 pm ET
by the time you read this, an evil overlord demon will come out of of the ground... too late!

a world without sex

just oatmeal documentaries
Haiku # 57371, September 16, 2017 10:04 pm ET
by vhs
penis, vagina
and repetitive motion
yep, reproduction
Haiku # 57370, September 16, 2017 8:02 pm ET
by sexual
I want some muddafuggin pie!
Haiku # 57369, September 16, 2017 6:16 pm ET
by the river bank, she showed him the time of his life.
Just do it.
Why ask why?
Celebrate the moments of your life.
It keeps going and going and going...
Good to the last drop.
Haiku # 57368, September 16, 2017 6:11 pm ET
by and large, you are not the apple of my eye. Maybe the onion, but not the apple.
time marches on
whether we do the to do list
or do not do it
Haiku # 57367, September 16, 2017 2:47 pm ET
by vhs
Excuse me, I forgot my shoes.
Haiku # 57366, September 16, 2017 2:44 pm ET
by the way, you are here for me of course; not vice versa, Ursula.
Aenesthetization until equilibrium.
Puny pugnacious penile people.
Bide time. Bought time. Bed time.
And all your money won't another.
Stairways collapse.
Familiarity of warm fondled testicles.
Contemptuous attractor. Just an actor.
Nuclear reactor. Word dissociation.
Fissile dictionary.
A few moments of forgotten life.
Distraction much appreciated.
Haiku # 57365, September 16, 2017 2:40 pm ET
by You are here for me, of course; not vice versa.
the days off don't last
long enough but time is short
others try to live

their lives through those who
are outside of themselves and
do not live their own
Haiku # 57364, September 16, 2017 2:17 pm ET
by vhs of not an easy lesson for me either
i think i just had
a stupid dog moment where
someone threw me a

frisbee and rather
than catching it it hit me
in the head, fell down
Haiku # 57363, September 16, 2017 11:58 am ET
by vhs
flag.txt where art thou

my beautiful

my love
Haiku # 57362, September 16, 2017 11:33 am ET
by what of /poems/
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