I got internet
I look up latex pony
Girls and furry porn

Sorry vhs
But if you get bored with life
PBS is good

I was going to be an astronaut
But I figured it'd be too hard
So I thought, fuck it
I'll make documentaries about
Oatmeal and related topics
And sell them to PBS
Who will in turn target
The nursing home demographic

What is this life
why am I alive
what is happening

latex dragons and
bored relationships with shiny
outfits...give me walden

over all this shit

Global warming climate change ocean acidification Great Barrier Reef death shrinking ice caps extreme storms Kardashians on Trump's White House Cabinet Kim Jong-un's Sponge Bob underpants

asexual

a world without sex

just oatmeal documentaries

penis, vagina
and repetitive motion
yep, reproduction

I want some muddafuggin pie!
Now!

Just do it.
Why ask why?
Celebrate the moments of your life.
It keeps going and going and going...
Good to the last drop.

time marches on
whether we do the to do list
or do not do it

Excuse me, I forgot my shoes.

Aenesthetization until equilibrium.
Puny pugnacious penile people.
Bide time. Bought time. Bed time.
And all your money won't another.
Stairways collapse.
Familiarity of warm fondled testicles.
Contemptuous attractor. Just an actor.
Nuclear reactor. Word dissociation.
Fissile dictionary.
A few moments of forgotten life.
Distraction much appreciated.

the days off don't last
long enough but time is short
others try to live

their lives through those who
are outside of themselves and
do not live their own

i think i just had
a stupid dog moment where
someone threw me a

frisbee and rather
than catching it it hit me
in the head, fell down

flag.txt where art thou

my beautiful

my love

eh i liked my drink
of martinis once or twice
but gotta get some

health back before i
do that sort of thing again
and sitting not good...

words create something
imagination waiting
spark of life around

Anthropromorphic !
Disagree? Well, sniff the truth!
Drink Gin and Vermouth

vanity, vanity
all is vanity, and the old
lesson thus learned

need to read candide for the first time
hobbits, dragons and weird monster girls are not condusive to historical knowledge in...pure form...

i have no idea what im talking about

VHS...
Not quite true.
Candide was more of a search for happiness.
The characters traveled the world, had known riches, war, poverty, sorry, feast and famine... but they were never truly happy.
Then at the end they settled down after reuniting and took up some craft or profession and found happiness.
I really think the moral of the story is that happiness comes from finding something you enjoy and are good at and doing it. And don't rely too much on external crap like money, sex, drugs, good clothes, good food, and clandestine relationships with farm animals.
Gump on the other hand... the moral of the story was be true to yourself and be good to others, try to stay positive and don't let life get you down and good things will happen. Even clandestine relationships with farm animals. That was in the directors cut. Nothing like seeing Hanks getting butt reamed by a boar hog.
But Candide is WAY funnier than the directors cut of Gump, even that scene where Sally Fields walks in on Tom Hanks having fun with that jar of old mayonnaise.
Peace!

i heard someone talk
about Candide some time ago
on here, i think of

him as sort of the
progenitor to the one
known as Forrest Gump

Judas selling out
Jesus, but out of silver...
Chuck E. Cheese tickets

Damn those Euro chicks and their string bikinis making me sprain my neck.

Watched a surf girl adjust her top for about 30 minutes and I damn well felt like telling her to just take the damn thing off if it keeps falling down. How the hell is she going to catch a decent wave if she's worried about her tits falling out?

Give me the launch codes
I'll push the button quickly
Bye North Korea

soon, like huygens did
gone from orbit to obit
good-bye cassini

trying to summon
some folks talking ears off like
i do in real life

ears need glue

So -- Darth Treehugger?
Surprised but I can dig it
Positivity

ride captain ride on
your pile of junk, we had fun
you got the runs don't

eat strange tacos, just
my friend's from East LAs is
good, but you know should

we tell you in Maine
where to get these superior
tacos, no way San Jose

Cranky my fat ass!
I have better things to do.
There are waves to ride.

The beach needs cleaning.
I fucking hate litter bugs.
So I clean the beach.

I'm only here when
I'm bored out of my fucking
psychopathic mind.

Bye now.

yup burger burger burger...

i changed jobs as the
dish guy from a hotel up the
street to a local family

restaurant which i
really like, and in summer time
it gets busy especially

at night. so the head
cook kept getting burger orders
and i kept since i

have the bad habit
of doing impersonations.

BURGER BURGER BURGER!!!!

it is almost like the old Saturday
Night live sketch and now Burger Burger Burger has stuck to your Herr VHS

i think it would make a good t-shirt though

ill just get mine at
the goodwill thanks...l rons
invasion earth was a

lot more fun a story

Anyone wanna buy
A complete set of Scientology
Books for $3000?

"By the way, I quit"

I would like to make a rebuttal:

Burger! Burger! Burger!

You know you like it

DF is cranky
Must be mad about something
How to cheer him up?

prayer posted, let me
know how its going with those
things like 'i hate blank'

and hating oatmeal
oatmeal just wants to be loved
raisin and cinnamon

fear leads to anger
anger leads to hate, once you
turn down the dark path

you're guaranteed a
career on talk radio
by the way, i quit

Climate change can't happen
Climate doesn't change
And I had nothing to do with it
Fuck you for suggesting otherwise

Hurricanes are unpredictable
You are not
I'm intimidated by you
In the sense that I am intimidated
By a bowl of oatmeal - plain
Lukewarm amalgam mush

the more i kinda
read the more crosseyed i get
big print words someday

i remember that
day yesterday all too well
i had never seen
The plot to some out
there political thriller
play out irl

dad was scared. i had
to go to work, life went on
changed, we remember

II

my father terrified

no kidding, so move to
moldova, close to russia
but no hurricanes

Hurricanes are mean
Shooting at them makes them mad
They will kick your butt

i have no idea
of the nihilism here
but quite frankly I

want to say DADA

DADA is ALL and ALL IS DADA

16 years ago today
DF sat down to watch the news
He masturbated for so long
And so vigorously
He developed scabs on his penis

five turds in a line
then seven turds then five more
you got a haipoop...

engrish prease, most grace
put in pot sideways, flush no
whole cuck in growd poo

why so serious...
why not...just can't think of any
thing at this time

Hermit crabs invade.
What could they possibly want?
Taking over malls.

i stink just to break
up the monopoly game
hope i did not poo

Having traveled the world a small bit, I find the most interesting differences in cultures can be seen in the bathrooms and how they clean themselves off after defecating.

The West prefers TP which is highly wasteful and takes a bit of energy to process at the refinery plant or tends to shorten the life of septic tanks, not to mention the trees chopped down to produce TP.

In Asia they sometimes squat over a hole in the ground, or a porcelain hole flush with the ground. Sometimes they have bowl they squat over, no seat. Sometimes a bowl with a seat but no tank (flush it w/ a bucket). Sometimes they have a tank that 90% of the time does not work. Made in China.

In poorer countries they often just poor water down their backsides to clean off which can be quite messy and makes for an unpleasant experience if you're wearing long pants into a public restroom.

However some of these toilets have a spay nozzle at the side of the toilet like you might use to spay off dishes at your sink. Those direct the water stream so it doesn't get all over the floor, gets you good and cleaned off, and does not use paper. Consider trying this. Think of the money saved and the benefit to the environment. And you get your asshole nice and clean after taco night, with or without nitrous oxide.

Your welcome.