prayer posted, let me
know how its going with those
things like 'i hate blank'

and hating oatmeal
oatmeal just wants to be loved
raisin and cinnamon

fear leads to anger
anger leads to hate, once you
turn down the dark path

you're guaranteed a
career on talk radio
by the way, i quit

Climate change can't happen
Climate doesn't change
And I had nothing to do with it
Fuck you for suggesting otherwise

Hurricanes are unpredictable
You are not
I'm intimidated by you
In the sense that I am intimidated
By a bowl of oatmeal - plain
Lukewarm amalgam mush

the more i kinda
read the more crosseyed i get
big print words someday

i remember that
day yesterday all too well
i had never seen
The plot to some out
there political thriller
play out irl

dad was scared. i had
to go to work, life went on
changed, we remember

II

my father terrified

no kidding, so move to
moldova, close to russia
but no hurricanes

Hurricanes are mean
Shooting at them makes them mad
They will kick your butt

i have no idea
of the nihilism here
but quite frankly I

want to say DADA

DADA is ALL and ALL IS DADA

16 years ago today
DF sat down to watch the news
He masturbated for so long
And so vigorously
He developed scabs on his penis

five turds in a line
then seven turds then five more
you got a haipoop...

engrish prease, most grace
put in pot sideways, flush no
whole cuck in growd poo

why so serious...
why not...just can't think of any
thing at this time

Hermit crabs invade.
What could they possibly want?
Taking over malls.

i stink just to break
up the monopoly game
hope i did not poo

Having traveled the world a small bit, I find the most interesting differences in cultures can be seen in the bathrooms and how they clean themselves off after defecating.

The West prefers TP which is highly wasteful and takes a bit of energy to process at the refinery plant or tends to shorten the life of septic tanks, not to mention the trees chopped down to produce TP.

In Asia they sometimes squat over a hole in the ground, or a porcelain hole flush with the ground. Sometimes they have bowl they squat over, no seat. Sometimes a bowl with a seat but no tank (flush it w/ a bucket). Sometimes they have a tank that 90% of the time does not work. Made in China.

In poorer countries they often just poor water down their backsides to clean off which can be quite messy and makes for an unpleasant experience if you're wearing long pants into a public restroom.

However some of these toilets have a spay nozzle at the side of the toilet like you might use to spay off dishes at your sink. Those direct the water stream so it doesn't get all over the floor, gets you good and cleaned off, and does not use paper. Consider trying this. Think of the money saved and the benefit to the environment. And you get your asshole nice and clean after taco night, with or without nitrous oxide.

Your welcome.

i think just to break
up the monotony here
here is a haiku

i might end up with
bringing up Chaos Magick
but subjects always change

there's always alex jones
there's always disinfo.com
there's always the Illuminatus

Trilogy and of course

Hail Eris

It is a masterpiece

I believe, good sir,
you mean nitrous, not nitro.
Nitroglycerin

up one's poopy hole
would kill them before the grand
explosion of meat.

Nitrous fueled flatus...
Now that might launch me into
orbit, my good man!

Of course rednecks call nitrous nitro because they likely never took a chemistry class and what they don't use for drag racing they will put into a balloon and huff at a Metallica concert.

Waawaaawaaaaawaaaaaawaaaaa.
If you don't get it, you never will.
My wife always wonders why the whipped cream runs out of gas before the cream gets used. ;-)

I had a friend that made some serious bank selling nitrous balloons at Dead shows. Oh, I love it when the freaks have seizures, often called fishing because they flop around like a fish. It's great!

remember that Abbie
Hoffmann said Yippie then blew
his brains out, i don't

know if i regard that
as a tragedy or not, i think I
do but he was an amateur

Whatever i do is a masterpiece

it all ends up being just
a pissing contest between
a psychopath who

can't stand his wife
and a hypocritcal believer
who canT QUIT and

is tired of the contest
yada siss boom bah

a masterpiece

maybe i should shove nitro
up your ass, make you eat tex
mex light propane

and see what happens

a masterpiece

i think i might do
serious poetry cause
everything i do

is a masterpiece

Somehow I picture
The Unibomber riding
a unicycle.

A juggling clown
tossing pipe bombs from his bike
into crowds of geeks.

Naked and painted
in purple and orange grease paint
while high on acid.

The unibomber's
a big stinky pussy fart.
But then so are you.

I personally think bioweapons are the only hope of doing any real population control.
Kind of like 12 Monkey's and all that shit.
People who use bombs to kill are just masturbating their lives away. Sadly, I'm no biologist. You have nothing to worry about from me. But it's fun to dream.

see all that storming ?
feel the blue planet warming ?
there's rhyme and reason

Industrialization blah blah blah
Mail bombs yada yada yada
Playing my clarinet

If the Unabomber and
Darth Figpucker were cellmates
Would they get along very well?
Never-ending circlejerk

This is not my world the world to come
Is my world
I'm not of this earth

Each squid ward needs his
Spongebob...and each
Satan his Jesus

Vogon... :)

VHS "crazy"?!?!
LOL seriously!
I NEVER said that!

You're the opposite.
Boring beyond all belief.
But that's good for you.

Yes, I'm a psycho.
I tend to hate most people.
And laugh when they're hurt.

But I'm no monster.
Because I love my monsters.
Do you understand?

The reason I hate
is for what I see people
do to each other...

And to my planet.
Yes, it all belongs to me.
You wouldn't get that.

The world's MY oyster.
I would let the oyster live.
It is beautiful.

Others would cook it.
Or make rancid oyster sauce.
All for quick profit.

Hannibal Lecter
really appeals to me;
he eats rude people.

In all seriousness, I would love to see the world population decline by about 99.99% or something manageable. Then I'd be happy. Otherwise I am quite certain that we and this world are not for long. Of course I and mine would be the 0.01% remaining. Politicians and lawyers would go first. Industrialists next. And then poets.

i wonder if i have
no honor or honour are
they both the same

thing and what is honor
or is it honour, semantics
word games what is

original in poetry
was Donald Trump the best
poet we've had on

the campaign trail

words become utter
complete meaningless and turn
to action, Henry

Miller becomes forgotten
people become their own muses
Seinfeld reruns

there comes a point where
one gives up on trying to be
understood and is

just themselves, i don't
like being angry but i think some
people are such egos

or so controlling
or i see it in myself
just let it all hang

out even if it costs
me my freedom, my life or
it makes people drop

the bullshit and say
despite any bad shit that
happened at that

moment, my blood
my honor, my life, my death
was worth the cost

in His name of course
and not like in this prideful
angry unChristian version

of who i am now
but i am flawed but it is
who i am right now

when CLERKS was slammed by
a generation of pharisees that
just didn't get it you

know what it was about????
if your girlfriend gives you
lasagna she is the BEST

and always WILL BE
the best for you, and you owe
her love and a good bottle

of sherry in return

i mean is that you
know really that great poetry
whiny little pout

fests, it's too "ANTIFA"
smashing windows because you
don't feel "safe" because

Milo Yilanopolous wrote
a book that really wasn't that
good anyways hmm?

and learn i AM TRYING
to joke at times, it is "ironic"
do i need to turn

into Marshall Mathers
and do a fuck you rap album
and make you feel like

the shit coming out
of my ass you are willing
to flush yourself down

the toilet and do so
willingly just to get yourself
to stop being the crust

on my fucking ass????

given i have known you
for years "DF" I have come to
the conclusion and

i say this to my
friend you are something of a
psychopath, i am

not sure whether to
admire you or resist you but
if you ever tell

me I'm crazy again
you can keep it to yourself

i already know
for my heart spasms or the
vessels about

they do, i have changed
my life, reluctantly for
i could die too soon

Enlighten the world
of the dangers of processed
foods and additives.

These things cause more death
and health problems than smoking
and illegal drugs.

Hydrogenated
fats are difficult for us
to metabolize.

Hardened arteries,
heart problems, obesity,
and cancer result.

i sit in my chair
looking at the words and think
huh huh...uh, words...huh huh

Malachi 3:10

why not so serious
to a degree and then some
somewhere between

serious and not so serious
seriously we dont have to be
too serious but serious

well Bert and his oatmeal

John 3:16 and all that cal.. my droogs...

"Serious poet" ?!?!
Seriously that got my
alarm bells ringing.

Somehow I doubt that
poems will ever solve world
hunger or stop war.

We're here to have fun.
"bad haiku dot com" so then
WHY SO SERIOUS?!

You are right...you are
A vogon, bad poetry that causes
Torment and torpor

That's OK I like it
I like vogon poetry, we need more
Keep up the bad work

I tried to get a
Serious poet to post here
Looks like it's trolls

Dada ism and jokes
Done on tablets, phones and lap
Tops passing some time

I'm having inappropriate thoughts about Asian high school girls and Fido pot pie, made with Fido and hydroponic pot, baked at 375 F for 45 minutes, and then after another 20 minutes cooling, and another 45 minutes post consumption, then I would be baked and I really wish I could sneak out behind the football storage shed at lunch time and fire one up with a cutie like I never did when I was in high school, Goddamn it all! Drugs should be part of the high school curriculum, then kids wouldn't want to do drugs. Why can't mosquitoes carry HIV? I guess they would have to bite two people, and they usually don't do that, do they? I don't know; I'm not an impregnated female mosquito flown into a smoke ring of marijuana puffed out by a high high school kid. I want to jump on top of a police car in the middle of a race riot and defecate on the roof of his car -- not to make a statement, just to be famous on a YouTube video for a short while. I could blame the drugs, then "get clean", and go on Oprah and she could give me a new car. After which I would go out to the studio parking lot and defecate on its roof. The Vogons have not eaten my brain, I have eaten theirs. Deny it. Go ahead.

If ever my wife learned to read, I think I would quickly be single again. Alas, she only looks at pictures and short texts on Farcebook; a product of the modern age.

I want to start a website called Assbook.com, where people are not allowed to post their true identities, just pictures of their butts and recordings of their farts. No politics, just discussion of which places have the best bathrooms and what style of toilet seat is more comfortable. Also brands of TP might be contemplated and the pros and cons of TP vs. the Far East water bucket method or spray nozzle. I think I prefer the spray nozzle. If you've never tried it, you should. Saves TP, is more effective than the water ladle/bucket method and uses less water. Give it a try some time. Save the planet, and all that good stuff. See, something good did come of all this.

Bye now.

Vogons have eaten
your brain my dear troll friend nuff
said, takes one to know

one, so when we eat
at the Restaurant
at the End of The

Universe?

Oh i know of that
who Candide is The Fool in
the tarot as is

Forest Gump and such
hero fools on the fools journey
Wile E. Coyote