Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 250 Days and 77185 Haiku later...

i might end up with
bringing up Chaos Magick
but subjects always change

there's always alex jones
there's always
there's always the Illuminatus

Trilogy and of course

Hail Eris

It is a masterpiece
Haiku # 57325, September 10, 2017 8:42 pm ET
by vhs of allonzee
I believe, good sir,
you mean nitrous, not nitro.

up one's poopy hole
would kill them before the grand
explosion of meat.

Nitrous fueled flatus...
Now that might launch me into
orbit, my good man!

Of course rednecks call nitrous nitro because they likely never took a chemistry class and what they don't use for drag racing they will put into a balloon and huff at a Metallica concert.

If you don't get it, you never will.
My wife always wonders why the whipped cream runs out of gas before the cream gets used. ;-)

I had a friend that made some serious bank selling nitrous balloons at Dead shows. Oh, I love it when the freaks have seizures, often called fishing because they flop around like a fish. It's great!
Haiku # 57324, September 10, 2017 8:40 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
remember that Abbie
Hoffmann said Yippie then blew
his brains out, i don't

know if i regard that
as a tragedy or not, i think I
do but he was an amateur

Whatever i do is a masterpiece
Haiku # 57323, September 10, 2017 7:08 pm ET
by vhs
it all ends up being just
a pissing contest between
a psychopath who

can't stand his wife
and a hypocritcal believer
who canT QUIT and

is tired of the contest
yada siss boom bah

a masterpiece
Haiku # 57322, September 10, 2017 6:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
maybe i should shove nitro
up your ass, make you eat tex
mex light propane

and see what happens

a masterpiece
Haiku # 57321, September 10, 2017 6:34 pm ET
by taco smell of burritos
i think i might do
serious poetry cause
everything i do

is a masterpiece
Haiku # 57320, September 10, 2017 6:32 pm ET
by vhs of up your ass
Somehow I picture
The Unibomber riding
a unicycle.

A juggling clown
tossing pipe bombs from his bike
into crowds of geeks.

Naked and painted
in purple and orange grease paint
while high on acid.
Haiku # 57319, September 10, 2017 12:05 pm ET
by df
The unibomber's
a big stinky pussy fart.
But then so are you.

I personally think bioweapons are the only hope of doing any real population control.
Kind of like 12 Monkey's and all that shit.
People who use bombs to kill are just masturbating their lives away. Sadly, I'm no biologist. You have nothing to worry about from me. But it's fun to dream.
Haiku # 57318, September 10, 2017 11:59 am ET
by df
see all that storming ?
feel the blue planet warming ?
there's rhyme and reason
Haiku # 57317, September 10, 2017 8:03 am ET
by ash
Industrialization blah blah blah
Mail bombs yada yada yada
Playing my clarinet
Haiku # 57316, September 9, 2017 11:39 pm ET
by Squidward Kaczynski of Bikini Bottom Penitentiary
If the Unabomber and
Darth Figpucker were cellmates
Would they get along very well?
Never-ending circlejerk
Haiku # 57315, September 9, 2017 11:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Paleontologist
This is not my world the world to come
Is my world
I'm not of this earth
Haiku # 57314, September 9, 2017 10:17 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Each squid ward needs his
Spongebob...and each
Satan his Jesus

Vogon... :)
Haiku # 57313, September 9, 2017 9:27 pm ET
by Vhs
VHS "crazy"?!?!
LOL seriously!
I NEVER said that!

You're the opposite.
Boring beyond all belief.
But that's good for you.

Yes, I'm a psycho.
I tend to hate most people.
And laugh when they're hurt.

But I'm no monster.
Because I love my monsters.
Do you understand?

The reason I hate
is for what I see people
do to each other...

And to my planet.
Yes, it all belongs to me.
You wouldn't get that.

The world's MY oyster.
I would let the oyster live.
It is beautiful.

Others would cook it.
Or make rancid oyster sauce.
All for quick profit.

Hannibal Lecter
really appeals to me;
he eats rude people.

In all seriousness, I would love to see the world population decline by about 99.99% or something manageable. Then I'd be happy. Otherwise I am quite certain that we and this world are not for long. Of course I and mine would be the 0.01% remaining. Politicians and lawyers would go first. Industrialists next. And then poets.
Haiku # 57312, September 9, 2017 9:04 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of MY planet -- it belong to me. Please leave now.
i wonder if i have
no honor or honour are
they both the same

thing and what is honor
or is it honour, semantics
word games what is

original in poetry
was Donald Trump the best
poet we've had on

the campaign trail
Haiku # 57311, September 9, 2017 8:07 pm ET
by vhs
words become utter
complete meaningless and turn
to action, Henry

Miller becomes forgotten
people become their own muses
Seinfeld reruns
Haiku # 57310, September 9, 2017 8:04 pm ET
by vhs
there comes a point where
one gives up on trying to be
understood and is

just themselves, i don't
like being angry but i think some
people are such egos

or so controlling
or i see it in myself
just let it all hang

out even if it costs
me my freedom, my life or
it makes people drop

the bullshit and say
despite any bad shit that
happened at that

moment, my blood
my honor, my life, my death
was worth the cost

in His name of course
and not like in this prideful
angry unChristian version

of who i am now
but i am flawed but it is
who i am right now
Haiku # 57309, September 9, 2017 7:58 pm ET
by vhs
when CLERKS was slammed by
a generation of pharisees that
just didn't get it you

know what it was about????
if your girlfriend gives you
lasagna she is the BEST

and always WILL BE
the best for you, and you owe
her love and a good bottle

of sherry in return
Haiku # 57308, September 9, 2017 7:45 pm ET
by vhs
i mean is that you
know really that great poetry
whiny little pout

fests, it's too "ANTIFA"
smashing windows because you
don't feel "safe" because

Milo Yilanopolous wrote
a book that really wasn't that
good anyways hmm?
Haiku # 57307, September 9, 2017 7:41 pm ET
by vhs
and learn i AM TRYING
to joke at times, it is "ironic"
do i need to turn

into Marshall Mathers
and do a fuck you rap album
and make you feel like

the shit coming out
of my ass you are willing
to flush yourself down

the toilet and do so
willingly just to get yourself
to stop being the crust

on my fucking ass????
Haiku # 57306, September 9, 2017 7:38 pm ET
by vhs
given i have known you
for years "DF" I have come to
the conclusion and

i say this to my
friend you are something of a
psychopath, i am

not sure whether to
admire you or resist you but
if you ever tell

me I'm crazy again
you can keep it to yourself
Haiku # 57305, September 9, 2017 7:33 pm ET
by vhs
i already know
for my heart spasms or the
vessels about

they do, i have changed
my life, reluctantly for
i could die too soon
Haiku # 57304, September 9, 2017 7:21 pm ET
by vhs
Enlighten the world
of the dangers of processed
foods and additives.

These things cause more death
and health problems than smoking
and illegal drugs.

fats are difficult for us
to metabolize.

Hardened arteries,
heart problems, obesity,
and cancer result.
Haiku # 57303, September 9, 2017 6:53 pm ET
by Batman's Serious Poetry of Arkham Asylum reading poetry to The Joker. I wonder why he is mentally unbalanced. I don't know. I really have no idea.
i sit in my chair
looking at the words and think
huh huh...uh, words...huh huh
Haiku # 57302, September 9, 2017 6:02 pm ET
by Butthead
Malachi 3:10
Haiku # 57301, September 9, 2017 5:23 pm ET
by dvd
why not so serious
to a degree and then some
somewhere between

serious and not so serious
seriously we dont have to be
too serious but serious

well Bert and his oatmeal
Haiku # 57300, September 9, 2017 4:47 pm ET
by vhs
John 3:16 and all that cal.. my droogs...
Haiku # 57299, September 9, 2017 11:47 am ET
by Vhs
"Serious poet" ?!?!
Seriously that got my
alarm bells ringing.

Somehow I doubt that
poems will ever solve world
hunger or stop war.

We're here to have fun.
"bad haiku dot com" so then
Haiku # 57298, September 9, 2017 11:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
You are are
A vogon, bad poetry that causes
Torment and torpor

That's OK I like it
I like vogon poetry, we need more
Keep up the bad work
Haiku # 57297, September 9, 2017 10:46 am ET
by Vhs
I tried to get a
Serious poet to post here
Looks like it's trolls

Dada ism and jokes
Done on tablets, phones and lap
Tops passing some time
Haiku # 57296, September 9, 2017 10:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'm having inappropriate thoughts about Asian high school girls and Fido pot pie, made with Fido and hydroponic pot, baked at 375 F for 45 minutes, and then after another 20 minutes cooling, and another 45 minutes post consumption, then I would be baked and I really wish I could sneak out behind the football storage shed at lunch time and fire one up with a cutie like I never did when I was in high school, Goddamn it all! Drugs should be part of the high school curriculum, then kids wouldn't want to do drugs. Why can't mosquitoes carry HIV? I guess they would have to bite two people, and they usually don't do that, do they? I don't know; I'm not an impregnated female mosquito flown into a smoke ring of marijuana puffed out by a high high school kid. I want to jump on top of a police car in the middle of a race riot and defecate on the roof of his car -- not to make a statement, just to be famous on a YouTube video for a short while. I could blame the drugs, then "get clean", and go on Oprah and she could give me a new car. After which I would go out to the studio parking lot and defecate on its roof. The Vogons have not eaten my brain, I have eaten theirs. Deny it. Go ahead.

If ever my wife learned to read, I think I would quickly be single again. Alas, she only looks at pictures and short texts on Farcebook; a product of the modern age.

I want to start a website called, where people are not allowed to post their true identities, just pictures of their butts and recordings of their farts. No politics, just discussion of which places have the best bathrooms and what style of toilet seat is more comfortable. Also brands of TP might be contemplated and the pros and cons of TP vs. the Far East water bucket method or spray nozzle. I think I prefer the spray nozzle. If you've never tried it, you should. Saves TP, is more effective than the water ladle/bucket method and uses less water. Give it a try some time. Save the planet, and all that good stuff. See, something good did come of all this.

Bye now.
Haiku # 57295, September 8, 2017 10:05 pm ET
by df
Vogons have eaten
your brain my dear troll friend nuff
said, takes one to know

one, so when we eat
at the Restaurant
at the End of The

Haiku # 57294, September 8, 2017 8:24 pm ET
by vhs
Oh i know of that
who Candide is The Fool in
the tarot as is

Forest Gump and such
hero fools on the fools journey
Wile E. Coyote
Haiku # 57293, September 8, 2017 8:22 pm ET
by vhs
I would highly recommend reading the novella Candide by Voltaire. A highly entertaining comedy about the situation of mankind.
Haiku # 57292, September 8, 2017 11:07 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Dogs are too needy.
That is why I prefer cats.
And my blow-up doll.
Haiku # 57291, September 8, 2017 3:24 am ET
by Responsible Joe of Shebdon West
Goddamn I am bored.
I bet you didn't guess that.
I need to get high.
Haiku # 57290, September 8, 2017 3:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Propulsion Systems, Inc.
IPO Tuesday.

First voyage Friday.
Three days to pack all your bags.
Return young and rich.
Haiku # 57289, September 8, 2017 3:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Do your low-hanging
testicles make you more of
a man? Sure they do!
Haiku # 57288, September 8, 2017 3:09 am ET
by Hands off! I am Cookie Monster's prison bitch! of Seagoville Federal Correctional Institution
Have you ever masturbated while thinking violent thoughts about the neighbors' noisy wiener dog in the middle of winter with the heat shut off and your so cold that to sleep might mean death and the only thing to eat was a two-week-old half eaten box of nachos from Quick Trip while the neighbors upstairs were listening to Oprah and the neighbors to the left were listening to AC/DC and it was too cold to go to Walmart to pick up some rat poison for the yapping little shit downstairs and your sister-law was coming over dinner in two-and-a-half hours and you didn't have anything in the house to eat meaning you'd have to go out for Mexican food again? Of course you have.
Haiku # 57287, September 8, 2017 3:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Remember those magnetic gyroscope yo-yo like things that would slide on a short rail and then come back over and over again as long as you keep tilting them the right way? Weren't those awesome when you were stoned out of your gourd? Of course they were.
Haiku # 57286, September 8, 2017 2:58 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
I do not believe
that I believe anything.
But I could be wrong.

I believe that I
need a strong shot of whiskey
or perhaps some rum.

The universe was
not designed well at all;
I could do better.
Haiku # 57285, September 8, 2017 2:55 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
And harmala alkaloids
Tryptamine buffet
Haiku # 57284, September 7, 2017 10:33 pm ET
by deepdish of the Ethnopharmacology Section of the Deep State University library
i think you've got a
death wish bro or bought into
that damn mythos those

Peter Singer types
tried to bind into your mind
I'm a "Believer"

I don't believe that at all
Haiku # 57283, September 7, 2017 8:44 pm ET
by vhs
The real problem is
overpopulation; mass
murder solution.

Kim Jung Il hero.
Dolphins will evolve and praise
their liberator.

Death to all mankind.
Yadda yadda yadda boom.
Ohm mani padme.
Haiku # 57282, September 7, 2017 8:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I am surprised Herr
Alex Jones has not blamed cats
For anything for they

Are the true rulers
Of this world
Haiku # 57281, September 7, 2017 5:36 pm ET
by Vhs
blame global warming
but it's possible dyson
is an evil fiend
Haiku # 57280, September 7, 2017 10:29 am ET
by ash
nucular weapons
those who have and those who don't
will glow together
Haiku # 57279, September 7, 2017 10:26 am ET
by ash
Eagles should drive trucks
with big American flags
painted on the hood
Haiku # 57278, September 7, 2017 9:06 am ET
by Concerned American
Right wing and left wing
I saw an eagle flying
He used both his wings
Haiku # 57277, September 6, 2017 10:10 pm ET
by dvd of alphabetically organizing the entire Deep State University library
i don't know but you
do work with me, a full day
is never a dull one
Haiku # 57276, September 6, 2017 9:51 pm ET
by vhs
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