Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 315 Days and 72147 Haikus later...

well drink water or
something else but something else
has water in it
Haiku # 56239, March 18, 2017 12:48 pm ET
by vhs
Oceans of potions
Can not give us the notions
To fix our big mess
Haiku # 56238, March 17, 2017 11:24 pm ET
by T
There is no life here.
It is all in the ocean.
For a short while.
Haiku # 56237, March 17, 2017 9:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
that it does and all
the short cuts were the path the
prodigal son took
Haiku # 56236, March 17, 2017 8:16 pm ET
by vhs
the difficult path
turns out to be easier
in the long running
Haiku # 56235, March 17, 2017 4:56 pm ET
by mundane
no, sometimes what's odd
is even keeled but thinks
like number seven
Haiku # 56234, March 17, 2017 12:30 pm ET
by vhs
Hello!
Haiku # 56233, March 17, 2017 11:21 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's odd how haiku
look like a hand turned sideways
giving the finger.
Haiku # 56232, March 17, 2017 7:53 am ET
by df of slame in use
Over consumption
of Central American
cuisine bloats my gut.

Like a puffer fish,
a balloon ready to pop,
I thusly explode.

As lava erupts,
rivulets run hot and foul,
filling the caverns.

Below city streets,
the newborn life, if called that,
becomes self-aware.
Haiku # 56231, March 17, 2017 7:45 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Yield Calle
I calculated
how many farts it would take
to make the Big Bang.
Haiku # 56230, March 17, 2017 5:00 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Boddington Mare
She sat in her pee,
homeless woman on the bus,
her private limo.
Haiku # 56229, March 16, 2017 7:38 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
all the angry plots
movements in the past have all
turned to toast for "death"

it is the passage of time
Haiku # 56228, March 16, 2017 12:43 pm ET
by vhs
so i hate losing
my lunch and calming down then
realizing hulk smashed
Haiku # 56227, March 16, 2017 12:39 pm ET
by vhs
I think what pisses
me off most about psychos
trolls, terrorists and

the assholes who can
get away with muder and
keep drinking the blood

of the less courrpt
around them, so the joke is
do we become more

evil in order to
deal with the truly evil
and no one won

hmm?
Haiku # 56226, March 16, 2017 12:23 pm ET
by vhs
and the tempting is
to punch the person who screams
"go fuck yourself" and

the Christ says turn the
other cheek, but respond, he
strikes first, you bring out

the weapon, draw blood
he cries victim, so there's the
damn paradox there

walk away from the God
damn psycho whom drove others
off here or keep on

engaging him till
perhaps his last day comes and
new voices can say what

they will because the
psycho is dead, time kills all
of us, good and bad

so fuck the SJWS
fuck the Communists
fuck Silicon Valley
fuck people who say fuck you
you will die
i will die
fuck you doesn't stop death
it may be today
it may be tomorrow
how will you be remembered
and will your death be new life
or death eternal
fuck us all
we all die
let that be a lesson to you
Haiku # 56225, March 16, 2017 12:17 pm ET
by vhs
Go fuck yourself!
Haiku # 56224, March 16, 2017 9:04 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Hello!
Haiku # 56223, March 16, 2017 5:44 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Why does the word "calle"
always appear in captcha phrases
and what does it mean?
Haiku # 56222, March 16, 2017 3:29 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of 5800 Delmar
Keep the cash, return
the wallet filled with pooped on
Monopoly cash.

Demand a reward
in gross sexual favors
paid on Christmas Eve.

If you think that's bad,
you should see what I do with
the cell phones I find.
Haiku # 56221, March 16, 2017 3:26 am ET
by df of little calle
riding on the bus
you find wallet full of cash
What you do with it?
Haiku # 56220, March 16, 2017 1:06 am ET
by T
Why would you think that
I'd be an HA member?
(Haiku 'Nonomous.)

For step number 8,
Suck Matsuo Basho's farts
from an old clay jug.

They taste like frog legs
eaten under the moonlight
with magic mushrooms.
Haiku # 56219, March 15, 2017 7:11 pm ET
by df of centro property
i suspect all my
talk of posting here will just
be me myself and

I...De La Soul in
the house when Rap had a chance
to be something, else

then again there's "Nerdcore"
Haiku # 56218, March 15, 2017 1:35 pm ET
by vhs
i got a spam call
from Virginia today i
said i don't know a

person named Virginia
Haiku # 56217, March 14, 2017 6:46 pm ET
by vhs
Hello!
Haiku # 56216, March 14, 2017 3:37 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well you know it's like
charlie at the bar where's he
at, oh he went to

AA but he'll be
back sucking down PBR
after Step 8 is done
Haiku # 56215, March 14, 2017 1:32 pm ET
by vhs
I am not okay.
I don't see why I should be.
I'm fucking awesome!

Seriously though,
did you think something was wrong?
My life is boring.

Get out of my brain
you Goddamn syphillis germs!
Her name was Phyllis.
Haiku # 56214, March 14, 2017 1:34 am ET
by df of cottage calle
My vagina stinks.
Oh wait, I'm not a woman.
That would explain it.
--Bruce Jenner
Haiku # 56213, March 14, 2017 1:26 am ET
by df of slim deposita
Hello!
Haiku # 56212, March 14, 2017 12:56 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
the next haiku just
seems an obligation that just
to keep on truckin'
Haiku # 56211, March 13, 2017 1:32 pm ET
by vhs of hope df is ok
Hello!
Haiku # 56210, March 13, 2017 11:14 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
one hour can make a
huge difference in how i
feel in the morning
Haiku # 56209, March 12, 2017 1:36 pm ET
by vhs
Daylight savings time
Recognizing our orbit
Is a subtle thing
Haiku # 56208, March 12, 2017 4:56 am ET
by T
the dark side and the
light side i bought a book on
baby boomers as

a generation
of psychopaths and that of
course is an over

simplification
but it does make sense on some
grander level yet

Neil Howe says they are
"prophets" and do get wild eyed
with that religion

thing there, metaphor
so keep writing Satanic
haiku about the

intimidation
factor, there you know, i know
what i want as well
Haiku # 56207, March 11, 2017 11:56 am ET
by vhs
Animals aren't rude.
They only know what they want.
You'd make a fine steak.
Haiku # 56206, March 11, 2017 12:21 am ET
by df of cunha ratier
Inappropriate
radioactivity
illumination.

Ill lumen naughty.
Grow an extra testicle.
You just might need it.
Haiku # 56205, March 11, 2017 12:17 am ET
by df of 3000 centre
Randell liked hotdogs.
Physicist with fuzzy cyst.
White bread Velveeta.

He's better off dead.
Sorority house orgy dreams.
He loved his Playboys.

"He looked like an ape."
But that would be rude to apes.
Canned meat and cum smell.
Haiku # 56204, March 10, 2017 11:24 pm ET
by df of stone katia
well you know those darn
Tribbles get out of hand and
you need a dang ship

of a klingon sort
to beam em off too so they'll
be no tribble at'all
Haiku # 56203, March 10, 2017 11:17 am ET
by vhs
Starship Enterprise
call me a nerd if you wish,
but I love that shit
Haiku # 56202, March 9, 2017 8:14 pm ET
by Tribble of Trouble
Dingline chloride
artificial flavor for
dingleberry pie.
Haiku # 56201, March 9, 2017 5:42 pm ET
by df of calle area
Something offensive.
Again, but even more so.
Kittens and puppies.
Haiku # 56200, March 9, 2017 5:37 pm ET
by df of rosas carniceria
the first big story
was the Sumerian
Gods but i forget

Tiamat is just known
by most as a 5 headed
dragon with lots of

hit points in DnD
and people might think of a
giant marshmallow

man when they hear some
thing like "sumerian God"
parody of Lovecraft

rest in peace Egon
Haiku # 56199, March 9, 2017 1:23 pm ET
by vhs
as per promise

GRR! BURGER BURGER!!!!!
BURGER! BURGER BURGER (pause)
BURGER!!!! BURGER!!!! (pause)

burger...
Haiku # 56198, March 9, 2017 1:20 pm ET
by vhs of to those who know me you know this is my idea
listen you know you
forget law vs grace and
all that sort of thing

the legal vis a
loving God, then we get to
witchcraft and flying

spaghetti monsters
and then the Goddess of the
Golden Apple there

old Eris, and all
some one to do is not Hail
Satan or Eris but

just hail a taxi
go home and jerk off to some
vhs porn off the grid
Haiku # 56197, March 9, 2017 1:19 pm ET
by vhs
Do not masturbate.
For that is against Jesus.
Instead kill sinners.
Haiku # 56196, March 8, 2017 10:23 pm ET
by df of 6400 chemin
My wife's a fat pig.
Pigs are cute and smell better.
Think I'll buy a pig.
Haiku # 56195, March 8, 2017 10:21 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of sunar damri
lather, rinse, repeat
down my road to self defeat
turn around, retreat
Haiku # 56194, March 8, 2017 10:05 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Beer will cure cancer.
Use it for blood transfusion.
Worked for my uncle.
Haiku # 56193, March 8, 2017 2:02 pm ET
by df of frei john
well mead is good, some
claim but you know wiccan chats
girls named Silver Wolf

Fiona Ravenbrush,
or Skywise (wait that's Elfquest) ah
Wendy Pini, bows
Haiku # 56192, March 8, 2017 1:06 pm ET
by vhs
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Haiku # 56191, March 7, 2017 9:12 pm ET
by Peterdus of Nepal
*meet
... goddammit
Haiku # 56190, March 7, 2017 8:32 pm ET
by df of taurus allumez
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