Hello!

well you know it's like
charlie at the bar where's he
at, oh he went to

AA but he'll be
back sucking down PBR
after Step 8 is done

I am not okay.
I don't see why I should be.
I'm fucking awesome!

Seriously though,
did you think something was wrong?
My life is boring.

Get out of my brain
you Goddamn syphillis germs!
Her name was Phyllis.

My vagina stinks.
Oh wait, I'm not a woman.
That would explain it.
--Bruce Jenner

Hello!

the next haiku just
seems an obligation that just
to keep on truckin'

Hello!

one hour can make a
huge difference in how i
feel in the morning

Daylight savings time
Recognizing our orbit
Is a subtle thing

the dark side and the
light side i bought a book on
baby boomers as

a generation
of psychopaths and that of
course is an over

simplification
but it does make sense on some
grander level yet

Neil Howe says they are
"prophets" and do get wild eyed
with that religion

thing there, metaphor
so keep writing Satanic
haiku about the

intimidation
factor, there you know, i know
what i want as well

Animals aren't rude.
They only know what they want.
You'd make a fine steak.

Inappropriate
radioactivity
illumination.

Ill lumen naughty.
Grow an extra testicle.
You just might need it.

Randell liked hotdogs.
Physicist with fuzzy cyst.
White bread Velveeta.

He's better off dead.
Sorority house orgy dreams.
He loved his Playboys.

"He looked like an ape."
But that would be rude to apes.
Canned meat and cum smell.

well you know those darn
Tribbles get out of hand and
you need a dang ship

of a klingon sort
to beam em off too so they'll
be no tribble at'all

Starship Enterprise
call me a nerd if you wish,
but I love that shit

Dingline chloride
artificial flavor for
dingleberry pie.

Something offensive.
Again, but even more so.
Kittens and puppies.

the first big story
was the Sumerian
Gods but i forget

Tiamat is just known
by most as a 5 headed
dragon with lots of

hit points in DnD
and people might think of a
giant marshmallow

man when they hear some
thing like "sumerian God"
parody of Lovecraft

rest in peace Egon

as per promise

GRR! BURGER BURGER!!!!!
BURGER! BURGER BURGER (pause)
BURGER!!!! BURGER!!!! (pause)

burger...

listen you know you
forget law vs grace and
all that sort of thing

the legal vis a
loving God, then we get to
witchcraft and flying

spaghetti monsters
and then the Goddess of the
Golden Apple there

old Eris, and all
some one to do is not Hail
Satan or Eris but

just hail a taxi
go home and jerk off to some
vhs porn off the grid

Do not masturbate.
For that is against Jesus.
Instead kill sinners.

My wife's a fat pig.
Pigs are cute and smell better.
Think I'll buy a pig.

lather, rinse, repeat
down my road to self defeat
turn around, retreat

Beer will cure cancer.
Use it for blood transfusion.
Worked for my uncle.

well mead is good, some
claim but you know wiccan chats
girls named Silver Wolf

Fiona Ravenbrush,
or Skywise (wait that's Elfquest) ah
Wendy Pini, bows

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*meet
... goddammit

I have shit to do.
So until we meed again...
{Bends over and farts.}

Crocodile meat
isn't bad, but expensive
and a bit chewy.

Not as bad as squid.
I think you know what I mean.
Lean green jelly bean.

I'm in no mood for
being deep and shit today.
I want to eat dog.

Dinosaurs are cool.
If you could travel through time...
Jesus or T-Rex?

I'd bring them both back.
Let them fight on Pay-Per-View.
I'll take the lizard.

I've said that before.
But I haven't said this yet.
I guess I just did.

I should be working.
Instead I'm drinking coffee.
For this I get paid.

The witch's nose mole,
the shrill cackling laughter,
the rotting black teeth.

One should not visit
sickly whores of Siquijor;
they'll cook and eat you.

They start beautiful.
Then look more like pigs each day.
They eat too much pork.

Confucius once say
"Man who masturbates daily
has life well in hand."

After nine-one-one,
remember Bush's great speech?
nuclear fusion.
All the world's problems.
He solved in twenty minutes.
What an awesome dude!
Or a giant douche.
Not one of his predictions
ever came to be.
Problems can be solved.
But still more are created.
Cash in your chips now.

seems everyone wants
to write novels now, there's a damn
laptop with dreams of

being a romance
writer somewhere in a chinese
basement office

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Hello!

the world is now seen
to be full of nuts but the
shells are not off yet

oh doctor strangelove
i knew you then, even now
Yes Mein Furher, I

mean...mister president.
Inspector Clouseau is
so long gone and missed

Things will be okay
Humans are remarkable
Problems can be solved

If earth is flooded,
I hope all mosquitoes drown.
We'll be like Venus.

Hot, sweaty, acrid.
Worst venereal disease:
Global warming clap.

I'm going outside.
Standing on my head naked.
See my asshole, God!

Fuck, I hate the rain.
Climate change and for the worse.
My asshole is clean.

The Japs understand.
That's why they have coffee shops.
But not for coffee.

Young girls, short dresses,
mirrored floors, see-thru panties.
Can I get more cream?

We need comedy.
The laughter as nukes go off.
Smile so brightly.

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Well, Origami.
I'd rather have salami.
It's the paper cuts.