Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
28 Years, 40 Days and 77431 Haiku later...

Getting stoned on farts.
A fascinating concept.
I bet it would work.

You must collect them.
Like in a party balloon.
Huff them like nitrous.
Haiku # 55352, November 8, 2016 8:37 pm ET
by df
Poop is worse than spam.
I could post animal porn.
Whatever it takes.

But still no progress.
The spam goes undeleted.
I'll go sniff my farts.
Haiku # 55351, November 8, 2016 8:34 pm ET
by df
eh well you know i
just started wearing glasses
I had them, i was

off and on, you know
it's ok, i'll get used to them
part of, older...
Haiku # 55349, November 8, 2016 5:31 pm ET
by vhs
poop is worse than spam
IMHO, just sayen'
old people are strange
Haiku # 55348, November 8, 2016 1:32 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
i see shit on a
page, i react with some ick
then i put this up
Haiku # 55347, November 7, 2016 9:35 pm ET
by vhs
This is getting old.
I am getting sick of shit.
Next: DONKEY BONER!
Haiku # 55346, November 7, 2016 3:56 pm ET
by df
how to avoide spam?
why not use the new google recaptcha?
very useful!!!
Haiku # 55338, November 7, 2016 12:23 pm ET
by Nima
Rare, lean Angus beef.
Thin cut with Romain, dijon,
and ripe tomatoes.

Served on hearty wheat
that's slightly toasted and
a glass of red wine.

Beaujolais is best.
But what the hell do I know.
Merlot if you must.

Better than bologna or sponge meat and Hell-man's "mayo" with Velveeta on white bread and the amusing prison toilet fermented Kool-Aid... Not that I would know.... ahem.
Haiku # 55333, November 6, 2016 11:29 pm ET
by df
I have to agree.
Sandwiches are indeed nice.
If made properly.
Haiku # 55332, November 6, 2016 11:19 pm ET
by df
Why do anything?
It all adds up to nothing.
Sandwiches are nice
Haiku # 55331, November 6, 2016 10:20 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I think I'll get a goddamn coffee now and surprise them by bringing my own mug and sugar b/c fucking white sugar sucks and I don't like using paper cups w/ plastic lids... so Goddamn wasteful and we should take better care of my planet instead of being such filthy fucking humans. (Pigs are cleaner than humans as far as how much trash they make). If only humans had a shorter life span then they wouldn't be such an environmental problem. We need humans with a shorter shelf live. In praise of tobacco, alcohol, and pharmacy drugs. And those damn pharm drugs still won't cure up my blue zit testicles, Goddamnitall.
What was I talking about?... oh yeah.... coffee....
Haiku # 55329, November 5, 2016 6:27 pm ET
by df
And if so, then what
do you watch on TV while
you are fondling?
Haiku # 55328, November 5, 2016 6:22 pm ET
by df
Seriously though,
do you ever lounge all day
playing with your balls?
Haiku # 55327, November 5, 2016 6:21 pm ET
by df
I have a concern.
Could Skittles make me be gay?
With their gay colors?
Haiku # 55326, November 5, 2016 6:18 pm ET
by df
I'm tired of blue.
I would like rainbow colors.
So I'll try Skittles.
Haiku # 55325, November 5, 2016 6:16 pm ET
by df
Perhaps it could be
interspecies relations
with sea animals.
Haiku # 55324, November 5, 2016 6:13 pm ET
by df
I wonder if it's
'cause I eat a half gallon
of berries each day.
Haiku # 55323, November 5, 2016 6:11 pm ET
by df
Removing blue stains?
I now buy blue underwear.
Smurfette does the same.
Haiku # 55322, November 5, 2016 6:10 pm ET
by df
Testicular zits.
Apparently abnormal.
The pus is bright blue.
Haiku # 55321, November 5, 2016 6:07 pm ET
by df
I'm trying to keep
up but i can only sign on
when I'm not at work

etc etc etc etc, and
when FarmVille is the art the
vanilla wins too

much credence, not that there's
"anything wrong with that" but
chaos vs. order
Haiku # 55320, November 5, 2016 12:19 pm ET
by vhs
It was tan and fibrous from eating lots of veggies like a good little boy and came out rather easily. It had a slight skunk-funk to it from eating pomelo fruit (like a grapefruit, but sweeter).
The skunk smell reminded me of making marijuana cookies. I'll have to do that again some day.
Your welcome.
Haiku # 55310, November 4, 2016 8:14 pm ET
by df
I think I'll poop now.
I'll give you the details.
Be back in flush...
Haiku # 55309, November 4, 2016 8:03 pm ET
by df
Kim Kardashian
would make a good president
for next election.
Haiku # 55308, November 4, 2016 8:00 pm ET
by df
I don't regret it.
Will this condemn me to hell?
Christ, I sure hope so.
Haiku # 55307, November 4, 2016 7:58 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I once threw mud balls
at passing cars when I skipped
kindergarten class.
Haiku # 55306, November 4, 2016 7:53 pm ET
by df
Neither Donald Trump
nor Secretary Clinton
are worth a cat turd.
Haiku # 55305, November 4, 2016 7:50 pm ET
by df
The drug war of Rody Duterte is rather interesting. While in America we might condemn such actions and cruel and inhumane, if you knew the extent of the drug problem over there and its severity, you might come to understand that they really have no choice but to eliminate drugs by whatever means possible.
It isn't pretty, but it's by far the lesser of two evils. It's easy and necessary for liberal politicians in the US to look down on "gestapo" methods to eliminate amphetamine addiction, but it's gotten to the point where there is no other way. Time will show that his methods are quite successful and sometimes civil rights must take a back seat to eliminate poverty and crime.
The fact that he's now "in bed" with the commies is partly the fault of the US attitude towards his methods. The US should mind its own damn business.
Haiku # 55304, November 4, 2016 7:49 pm ET
by df
Pressurized testes.
My penis is not happy.
Please let your wife know.
Haiku # 55303, November 4, 2016 7:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Remember in high school, that one teacher with the really big tits?
And when it got cold her nips would stand up.
That was awesome!
Haiku # 55302, November 4, 2016 7:39 pm ET
by df
Have you ever wanted to take a large catapult and launch puppies from it into shark infested waters?
Haiku # 55301, November 4, 2016 7:36 pm ET
by df
That explains a lot.
The way the universe is.
I don't own a gun.
Haiku # 55300, November 4, 2016 7:35 pm ET
by df
It is disturbing.
Each time you kill a kitten,
God will masturbate.
Haiku # 55299, November 4, 2016 7:32 pm ET
by df
I've made up my mind.
I need a dirty young whore.
Like Pink Floyd's Young Lust.
Haiku # 55298, November 4, 2016 7:30 pm ET
by df
Where's the best pizza?
Sao Paulo, Brazil, of course.
It is worth the trip.
Haiku # 55297, November 4, 2016 7:29 pm ET
by df
Italiano Pie.
American Pie spin off.
He fucked a pizza.
Haiku # 55296, November 4, 2016 7:28 pm ET
by df
Fat girl porn is strange.
She went by "Pizza The Slut".
Star Wars porno spoof.
Haiku # 55295, November 4, 2016 7:25 pm ET
by df
Enjoy Pizza Hut.
Pizza the Hut was awesome.
Space Balls was genius.
Haiku # 55294, November 4, 2016 7:23 pm ET
by df
What is really gross:
Collect dandruff and add salt.
Parm cheese substitute.
Haiku # 55293, November 4, 2016 7:23 pm ET
by df
Do NOT order ham
if ever you're in Asia;
it will be sponge "meat".
Haiku # 55292, November 4, 2016 7:23 pm ET
by df
There is too much spam.
It is rather disgusting.
More than the real Spam.

Haiku # 55291, November 4, 2016 7:22 pm ET
by df
I was a clean youth.
In my late years I partied.
And will until death.
Haiku # 55290, November 4, 2016 7:13 pm ET
by df
the system is slow
the abuses of youth creep
up and take the down

path of the wounded
body, staking a claim on
the golden adult
Haiku # 55289, November 4, 2016 11:20 am ET
by vhs
You disappoint me
Go get sleepy mourning buds
Love music davie
Haiku # 55288, November 4, 2016 4:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Body decaying.
Collect dead parts dropping off.
Skin, hair, phlegm, penis.
Haiku # 55272, November 3, 2016 4:00 pm ET
by df
I should not be here.
Why do we keep doing it?
Like a bad marriage.
Haiku # 55271, November 3, 2016 1:35 pm ET
by df
I had a nightmare.
My wife had removed my balls.
I let her do it.
Haiku # 55270, November 3, 2016 1:32 pm ET
by df
Rock n Roll Gigh School
I Wanna Be Sedated
Pinhead, Blitzkrieg Bop
Haiku # 55269, November 3, 2016 2:00 am ET
by Wellspent Youth
i think the ramones
might be necessary to
cut through the spam here
Haiku # 55267, November 2, 2016 12:53 pm ET
by vhs
Electrified mosquito racquets.

Satisfying zaps
crackle with light saber noise
as blood suckers die.

Some spell it racket.
They should have their balls shocked off.
Though they are quite loud.

I mean the racquets.
The racquets make a racket
when they kill insects.

Those who misspell racquet would also make a racket when having their balls shocked off and it would also be satisfying, but I wouldn't want to listen to all that when I'm trying to get a few hours sleep at 1:00 a.m., if you know what I mean, so please sound proof your torture chamber basement. It also helps keep cops away. Thanks very much.
Haiku # 55259, November 2, 2016 12:21 am ET
by df of chasing amps
It's looo-og, it's loooo-og,
it's big, it's heave it's wood.
It's looo-og, it's looo-og,
it's better than bad, it's good!
Haiku # 55258, November 1, 2016 10:16 pm ET
by Kylo Stimpy
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