Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
28 Years, 42 Days and 77437 Haiku later...

Here is the punch line:
{drum roll} Old man on the net
thinks it's serious.

This is not funny.
But it is a running joke.
Now you must lighten the fuck up and write a haiku that is not a bunch of goddamn whining about how you're getting old and having a hard time with the newer generation online and blah blah blah...
Haiku # 53779, May 5, 2016 10:06 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
a whole generation
doesn't read like i did or
value real space either

I'm growing old and
miss enjoying what i did
when i was younger
Haiku # 53778, May 5, 2016 9:18 am ET
by vhs
the punch line is has
the internet made people
stupid yet we're here
Haiku # 53777, May 5, 2016 9:12 am ET
by vhs
Here we share our minds.
They aren't always what we'd like.
My man snatch itches.
Haiku # 53776, May 5, 2016 3:47 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Telling yourself jokes?
How can a person do that?
You know the punch line
Haiku # 53775, May 5, 2016 1:16 am ET
by Inquiring Mind
sometimes there's words that
can't be said except ha ha
taking haiku form
Haiku # 53774, May 4, 2016 11:33 am ET
by vhs
Harvard Poetry
Professor Reviews Haiku
Received on Tinder
Haiku # 53773, May 3, 2016 10:07 pm ET
by Partial Recall of USA
there are real people
on the other end of the screen
when they pass on

a real person passed
there's a disconnect at times
between here and real
Haiku # 53772, May 3, 2016 1:19 pm ET
by vhs
One thousand hookers.
Eighty-seven diseases.
Some unknown to man.
Bio-warfare bomb.
Walking around on two legs.
Chinese vacation.
If I get cancer,
that is just what I will do.
Revenge for dolphins.
Seriously though,
imagine an ebola
outbreak in China.
That's what this world needs.
Going out for a suntan.
Wish me rots of ruck.
Haiku # 53771, May 2, 2016 10:47 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
was anyone here to
answer you? safety dance might
be all right, dwarfs and

english 80s bands with
maypoles in videos and
"the free market!" and

of course nintendo
mario, voltron, and the
robot chicken skits
Haiku # 53770, May 2, 2016 10:10 am ET
by vhs
Did anyone dance?
I mean around the Maypole.
Or is that too gay?
Haiku # 53769, May 1, 2016 8:40 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Big tits and cold beer.
Monster trucks and tornadoes.
It's redneck heaven!
Haiku # 53768, May 1, 2016 8:38 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I had changed my plans.
Grilled chicken guts on a stick.
Only 5 pesos.

It's far safer than
McD's mystery "All Beef"
soy meal and filler.
Haiku # 53767, April 30, 2016 11:06 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I think i'll go eat.
McDonald's tastes like dog shit.
But all else is closed.
Haiku # 53766, April 30, 2016 10:43 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
We do not like five
Seven is demon number
Five repeats itself
Haiku # 53765, April 30, 2016 1:55 am ET
by Haiku is ultimate form of expression for conformists
only one are you
to spew DNA on roof
Of Starbucks bathroom
Haiku # 53764, April 30, 2016 1:09 am ET
by Yoda
Has anyone else
tossed their spooge on the ceiling
in Starbucks bathroom?
Haiku # 53763, April 30, 2016 12:51 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Idling In Gender Neutral Gear
Bugs and Elmer Fudd.
The marriage of Figaro.
Those were some good times.
Haiku # 53762, April 30, 2016 12:46 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
hare conditioner
that is what I thought it was
I was quite surprised
Haiku # 53761, April 30, 2016 12:09 am ET
by Pack of Beagles on the hunt
I'm inadequate.
Considering surgery.
Penile implant.

Bionic boner.
Jackhammer vaginal joy.
Perhaps porn career.

But there's a problem.
Swimming suits will be awkward.
Surfing while erect.

Paddling will suck.
I'll drill a hole in my board.
Hoping sharks won't bite.

All for the sake of
satisfying farm horses
and Paris Hilton.
Haiku # 53760, April 29, 2016 10:32 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
will these want ads from
pakistan (I guess) push out
all haiku poem talk?
Haiku # 53759, April 29, 2016 11:08 am ET
by vhs
as to these spam ads
just another part of the
world evolving, spam
Haiku # 53756, April 28, 2016 12:42 pm ET
by vhs
from what i saw of
hell its you merge with the fire
of hell, as spirit

quite literally, but it
was a dream, and dreams are a
reflection of id.
Haiku # 53755, April 28, 2016 10:58 am ET
by vhs
"Boy, I bet you'd stick
your head in a fire if I
told you you'd see hell."

--Otis Firefly
Haiku # 53752, April 27, 2016 11:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i wonder where these
spam websites go but i don't
really want to know...
Haiku # 53751, April 27, 2016 5:27 pm ET
by vhs
carlin would note of
course war is a phallic joke
with things sticking out
Haiku # 53749, April 27, 2016 10:02 am ET
by vhs
Hair conditioner
makes great masturbation gel.
I am an egg-spurt.
Haiku # 53748, April 27, 2016 7:48 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Play these tank war games.
But first take some Viagra.
You'll shoot both cannons.
Haiku # 53747, April 27, 2016 7:46 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
snort...well i am of
course becoming Moe with the
hair, or was Larry

the right name, just a
stooge living day to day we
are human too human
Haiku # 53745, April 26, 2016 12:43 am ET
by ronin also vhs
Needing to spank it.
Jacking it in the shower.
Thinking of wife's friend.

Hair conditioner.
I recommend it to all guys.
Try "Mane and Tail".

Although nearly bald.
And you do not have a horse.
You will love your hand.
Haiku # 53744, April 25, 2016 9:34 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
My fist is stinky.
What became of subtlety?
I'm a tool of Tool.
Haiku # 53743, April 25, 2016 9:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 53742, April 25, 2016 7:13 pm ET
by ywttiuui of USA
i believed then i
decided to keep believing
must be Journey
Haiku # 53741, April 25, 2016 10:45 am ET
by vhs
Not sure what I am.
I am between both of them.
A man without time.
I'm over the hill.
But started falling backwards.
Back the way I came.
When I am 80
I'll be riding the big waves
and banging young girls.
But lots could stop that.
Shot by an angry husband.
Eaten by a shark.
Or something mundane.
Killed by a deadly snail.
Drowned while on mushrooms.
Haiku # 53740, April 25, 2016 1:47 am ET
by Darth Figpucker.
well if we start say
posting stuff about Dune which
i saw my copy

Goodwill, one buck, old
paperback, i am not sure
what you thought of the

David Lynch movie
but a co worker said "well
geeze it's like the "In-

vasion of the
whatever the fuck it is"
and i found humor

in that statement...so
are you Gen X or boomer?
or does that matter?
Haiku # 53739, April 24, 2016 11:35 pm ET
by vhs
But enough of that.
Let's talk about puppy skeet.
Launch them up and "BOOM!"

I think it's legal
and even respected in
places like China.

It's hard to find and
very expensive to play,
but highly worth it.

You can also use
rare endangered animals
if you're super rich!
Haiku # 53738, April 24, 2016 5:14 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I personally
think most sci-fi is low-rent
like the last star wars.

The star killer scenes
broke every law of physics
and made me cry foul.

Older sci-fi books
at least attempt predictions
and not break science.

Douglas, however,
I love his biting humor.
Forty-two, indeed!
Haiku # 53737, April 24, 2016 5:08 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
noticed that english
folks in academia
put down sci fi as

"low rent" where as those
who idolize culture
outside North Amer.

see the potential
for the sci fi thing, and they
dig it, class warfare?
Haiku # 53736, April 24, 2016 12:52 pm ET
by vhs
ah well "writers" are
rough on one another then
we are writers, like

saying "we are klingons"
but then again life goes
on, we post, we live
Haiku # 53735, April 23, 2016 2:23 pm ET
by vhs
Well, to be exact,
it's "We apologize for
the inconvenience".

WE

I sort of used that
in my novel in one spot.
An homage I guess.
Haiku # 53734, April 23, 2016 12:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
:D

just if you're going
to stick a fish in my ear
babel on darthy...

of course God's last message was "Sorry for the inconvenience" according to Douglas Adams...
Haiku # 53733, April 23, 2016 11:51 am ET
by vhs of pondering 42
May 25 is
Intergalactic Towel
Day, oh hoopy froods.

Some make the mistake
of calling it here on earth,
"International".

They just do not know.
Wave your towel late at night
to flag down space ships.

The Vogons won't come.
My poetry scares them off.
You are so welcome.
Haiku # 53732, April 23, 2016 7:57 am ET
by darth figpucker
intergalactic
they must be out there somewhere
waiting to eat us
Haiku # 53731, April 23, 2016 2:45 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola
reflections on the
wave, piece of ying in the yang, the
old cliche of we've

met the enemy
they are us
Haiku # 53730, April 22, 2016 11:10 pm ET
by vhs
sad controlling trolls
life leaves them pitied by us
who pity ourselves
Haiku # 53729, April 22, 2016 11:01 pm ET
by Mandingo Ebola
i see your english
is broken, mine always was
get it broken in
Haiku # 53727, April 22, 2016 11:06 am ET
by vhs
just you know you're in
deep shit when someone like me
says "I'll pray for you"
Haiku # 53726, April 22, 2016 11:04 am ET
by vhs
there's more than two means
to deal with anger, as a
Christian i can do

a prayer against
a Satanic force such as
afore mentioned "haiku"

or i could throw a
cup of coffee in the face
of that person but

the truth is all i
have to do is leave and the
person tends to go away...
Haiku # 53725, April 22, 2016 11:02 am ET
by vhs
to those strangers so
far removed, the heckler, the
troll... well fuck you too
Haiku # 53724, April 22, 2016 10:56 am ET
by vhs
does not comprehend
explosive disconnect far
removed from real life
Haiku # 53723, April 22, 2016 10:55 am ET
by vhs
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