Bashō says something unhelpful
Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
29 Years, 77 Days and 78052 Haiku later...
I had changed my plans.
Grilled chicken guts on a stick.
Only 5 pesos.

It's far safer than
McD's mystery "All Beef"
soy meal and filler.
Haiku # 53767 April 30, 2016 11:06 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I think i'll go eat.
McDonald's tastes like dog shit.
But all else is closed.
Haiku # 53766 April 30, 2016 10:43 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
We do not like five
Seven is demon number
Five repeats itself
Haiku # 53765 April 30, 2016 1:55 am ET
by Haiku is ultimate form of expression for conformists
only one are you
to spew DNA on roof
Of Starbucks bathroom
Haiku # 53764 April 30, 2016 1:09 am ET
by Yoda
Has anyone else
tossed their spooge on the ceiling
in Starbucks bathroom?
Haiku # 53763 April 30, 2016 12:51 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Idling In Gender Neutral Gear
Bugs and Elmer Fudd.
The marriage of Figaro.
Those were some good times.
Haiku # 53762 April 30, 2016 12:46 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
hare conditioner
that is what I thought it was
I was quite surprised
Haiku # 53761 April 30, 2016 12:09 am ET
by Pack of Beagles on the hunt
I'm inadequate.
Considering surgery.
Penile implant.

Bionic boner.
Jackhammer vaginal joy.
Perhaps porn career.

But there's a problem.
Swimming suits will be awkward.
Surfing while erect.

Paddling will suck.
I'll drill a hole in my board.
Hoping sharks won't bite.

All for the sake of
satisfying farm horses
and Paris Hilton.
Haiku # 53760 April 29, 2016 10:32 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
will these want ads from
pakistan (I guess) push out
all haiku poem talk?
Haiku # 53759 April 29, 2016 11:08 am ET
by vhs
as to these spam ads
just another part of the
world evolving, spam
Haiku # 53756 April 28, 2016 12:42 pm ET
by vhs
from what i saw of
hell its you merge with the fire
of hell, as spirit

quite literally, but it
was a dream, and dreams are a
reflection of id.
Haiku # 53755 April 28, 2016 10:58 am ET
by vhs
"Boy, I bet you'd stick
your head in a fire if I
told you you'd see hell."

--Otis Firefly
Haiku # 53752 April 27, 2016 11:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i wonder where these
spam websites go but i don't
really want to know...
Haiku # 53751 April 27, 2016 5:27 pm ET
by vhs
carlin would note of
course war is a phallic joke
with things sticking out
Haiku # 53749 April 27, 2016 10:02 am ET
by vhs
Hair conditioner
makes great masturbation gel.
I am an egg-spurt.
Haiku # 53748 April 27, 2016 7:48 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Play these tank war games.
But first take some Viagra.
You'll shoot both cannons.
Haiku # 53747 April 27, 2016 7:46 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
snort...well i am of
course becoming Moe with the
hair, or was Larry

the right name, just a
stooge living day to day we
are human too human
Haiku # 53745 April 26, 2016 12:43 am ET
by ronin also vhs
Needing to spank it.
Jacking it in the shower.
Thinking of wife's friend.

Hair conditioner.
I recommend it to all guys.
Try "Mane and Tail".

Although nearly bald.
And you do not have a horse.
You will love your hand.
Haiku # 53744 April 25, 2016 9:34 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
My fist is stinky.
What became of subtlety?
I'm a tool of Tool.
Haiku # 53743 April 25, 2016 9:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i believed then i
decided to keep believing
must be Journey
Haiku # 53741 April 25, 2016 10:45 am ET
by vhs
Not sure what I am.
I am between both of them.
A man without time.
I'm over the hill.
But started falling backwards.
Back the way I came.
When I am 80
I'll be riding the big waves
and banging young girls.
But lots could stop that.
Shot by an angry husband.
Eaten by a shark.
Or something mundane.
Killed by a deadly snail.
Drowned while on mushrooms.
Haiku # 53740 April 25, 2016 1:47 am ET
by Darth Figpucker.
well if we start say
posting stuff about Dune which
i saw my copy

Goodwill, one buck, old
paperback, i am not sure
what you thought of the

David Lynch movie
but a co worker said "well
geeze it's like the "In-

vasion of the
whatever the fuck it is"
and i found humor

in that statement...so
are you Gen X or boomer?
or does that matter?
Haiku # 53739 April 24, 2016 11:35 pm ET
by vhs
But enough of that.
Let's talk about puppy skeet.
Launch them up and "BOOM!"

I think it's legal
and even respected in
places like China.

It's hard to find and
very expensive to play,
but highly worth it.

You can also use
rare endangered animals
if you're super rich!
Haiku # 53738 April 24, 2016 5:14 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I personally
think most sci-fi is low-rent
like the last star wars.

The star killer scenes
broke every law of physics
and made me cry foul.

Older sci-fi books
at least attempt predictions
and not break science.

Douglas, however,
I love his biting humor.
Forty-two, indeed!
Haiku # 53737 April 24, 2016 5:08 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
noticed that english
folks in academia
put down sci fi as

"low rent" where as those
who idolize culture
outside North Amer.

see the potential
for the sci fi thing, and they
dig it, class warfare?
Haiku # 53736 April 24, 2016 12:52 pm ET
by vhs
ah well "writers" are
rough on one another then
we are writers, like

saying "we are klingons"
but then again life goes
on, we post, we live
Haiku # 53735 April 23, 2016 2:23 pm ET
by vhs
Well, to be exact,
it's "We apologize for
the inconvenience".

WE

I sort of used that
in my novel in one spot.
An homage I guess.
Haiku # 53734 April 23, 2016 12:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
:D

just if you're going
to stick a fish in my ear
babel on darthy...

of course God's last message was "Sorry for the inconvenience" according to Douglas Adams...
Haiku # 53733 April 23, 2016 11:51 am ET
by vhs of pondering 42
May 25 is
Intergalactic Towel
Day, oh hoopy froods.

Some make the mistake
of calling it here on earth,
"International".

They just do not know.
Wave your towel late at night
to flag down space ships.

The Vogons won't come.
My poetry scares them off.
You are so welcome.
Haiku # 53732 April 23, 2016 7:57 am ET
by darth figpucker
intergalactic
they must be out there somewhere
waiting to eat us
Haiku # 53731 April 23, 2016 2:45 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola
reflections on the
wave, piece of ying in the yang, the
old cliche of we've

met the enemy
they are us
Haiku # 53730 April 22, 2016 11:10 pm ET
by vhs
sad controlling trolls
life leaves them pitied by us
who pity ourselves
Haiku # 53729 April 22, 2016 11:01 pm ET
by Mandingo Ebola
i see your english
is broken, mine always was
get it broken in
Haiku # 53727 April 22, 2016 11:06 am ET
by vhs
just you know you're in
deep shit when someone like me
says "I'll pray for you"
Haiku # 53726 April 22, 2016 11:04 am ET
by vhs
there's more than two means
to deal with anger, as a
Christian i can do

a prayer against
a Satanic force such as
afore mentioned "haiku"

or i could throw a
cup of coffee in the face
of that person but

the truth is all i
have to do is leave and the
person tends to go away...
Haiku # 53725 April 22, 2016 11:02 am ET
by vhs
to those strangers so
far removed, the heckler, the
troll... well fuck you too
Haiku # 53724 April 22, 2016 10:56 am ET
by vhs
does not comprehend
explosive disconnect far
removed from real life
Haiku # 53723 April 22, 2016 10:55 am ET
by vhs
Prince just died and i
know it's the usual crap
about dying but

it is a shock of
those who made a mark and it
seems to be fading

worn away by the vast
erosion of time itself
forgotten and then...
Haiku # 53721 April 21, 2016 1:52 pm ET
by vhs
hah you can tell it's
me anonymous when it's
about 1990s relics
Haiku # 53720 April 21, 2016 12:06 pm ET
by vhs
I'm seeing the last
mom and pop video stores
go away at last

humanoids of the
deep replaced by stupid cat
videos, where's the

time when mars needs you
know women...more about things
like gluten these days
Haiku # 53719 April 21, 2016 12:05 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
i've had some of those
hot peppers, durian fruit
i work in that scene

i should be writing
but i am haikuing with you
about lawrence welk

(I didn't realize how bad he was,
thank a you, thank a you)
Haiku # 53718 April 21, 2016 12:03 pm ET
by vhs
Donald Trump is bad.
But I would choose him over
Hillary Clinton.
Haiku # 53717 April 21, 2016 9:58 am ET
by darth figpucker
lawrence welk is dull.
one hundred percent lifeless.
like a blow up doll.

it makes perfect sense.
a ghost pepper enema.
that is what you need.
Haiku # 53716 April 21, 2016 3:10 am ET
by darth figpucker
that's extremely odd
i was thinking lawrence welk
and someone posted...
Haiku # 53715 April 20, 2016 12:24 pm ET
by vhs
Mad babbler is back
Maybe more like Mad Adam
There's a book for you
Haiku # 53714 April 20, 2016 1:27 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola
Lawrence Welk lives on...
enchanted land of re-runs
a one and a two...
Haiku # 53713 April 20, 2016 1:24 am ET
by Bubbles McStabby
He brews some good beer
Made a real good batch last year
Picasso's left ear
Haiku # 53712 April 18, 2016 10:31 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Oy vay, Already!
I'll have a Kosher bacon
cheeseburger please.

On unleavened bread.
Hold the pickles and mayo.
It's Hebrew enough.
Haiku # 53710 April 18, 2016 4:58 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Hebrews 4:11

very funny, but
i have no love of food worlds
cultures like most do

i could learn this but
as you can tell from the verse
up above, that's more on

my mind right now...

peace out
Haiku # 53709 April 18, 2016 11:07 am ET
by vhs