Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
28 Years, 43 Days and 77437 Haiku later...

Just kiss
Butterfly a flower
Open rape
Haiku # 53702, April 17, 2016 12:25 am ET
by Otteri selvakumar of Otteri, chennai
Greek yogurt clam dip.
Yes, that sound rather tasty.
With fresh pita bread.
Haiku # 53701, April 16, 2016 7:38 pm ET
by Darth Boring Figpucker
can we discuss clam
dip with the same milennial
generation or will

they try to just down
load clam dip as if it were
an app for a phone?
Haiku # 53700, April 16, 2016 12:50 pm ET
by vhs
we may share our lumps
as well in that location
but some things are closed
Haiku # 53699, April 16, 2016 12:48 pm ET
by vhs
It's nice we discuss
testicular buoyancy
with such openness.
Haiku # 53698, April 16, 2016 4:06 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Underwear under sky
The sun is sitting quite high
Soon they will be dry

Meanwhile I get high
My bits dangle by and bye
Such a lucky guy
Haiku # 53697, April 16, 2016 1:45 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Don't fuck
Just stop
Sounds
Haiku # 53696, April 15, 2016 8:12 pm ET
by Otteri selvakumar of Otteri, chennai
Under sky
My under were
Hanging window
Haiku # 53695, April 15, 2016 8:08 pm ET
by Otteri selvakumar of Otteri, chennai
The inverse square law
of mosquito density
near ocean beaches.

They don't like salt breeze.
Neither does my computer.
Both are annoying.

The ocean is home.
Home is where your surf board is.
Nothing else matters.
Haiku # 53694, April 15, 2016 2:51 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker.
Oh my fucking God!
What just came out of my ass?!
It's a hermit crab!!

I don't remember
putting one of those up there.
Don't sleep at the beach.
Haiku # 53693, April 15, 2016 12:16 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Every time I'm here,
there's a Red Bull enema
waiting just for me.
Haiku # 53692, April 15, 2016 12:06 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
the old stores are say
going out, "creative de-..."
what fills in the blank?

empty spaces, blank
minds, externalized handheld
brains thinking for man
Haiku # 53691, April 15, 2016 11:41 am ET
by vhs of i'm on a laptop and i'm bitching about cellphones
the world is falling
apart in some shape or form
and people don't care
Haiku # 53690, April 15, 2016 11:40 am ET
by vhs
I've heard that story
before, history repeats
and we all grow old

complain about change
see our world fade to shadow
get housed, retired
Haiku # 53689, April 15, 2016 11:10 am ET
by vhs
Cheap Florida land
Quick access to clean beaches
Retirement tomb
Haiku # 53688, April 15, 2016 1:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
had to deal with the
Great Old One before, sort of
scared him back to R'yleh
Haiku # 53687, April 14, 2016 9:37 pm ET
by vhs
Needle, the damage
Done. Massive damage done.
My name is Amy.
Haiku # 53686, April 14, 2016 5:17 pm ET
by Barry of Barryville
My butt is bleeding,
Whores are laughing. Long haul
truckers' life is hell.
Haiku # 53685, April 14, 2016 3:36 pm ET
by Nenad of Belgrade
Delirious screams,
Abominable orgies.
Chtulhu is rising.
Haiku # 53684, April 14, 2016 3:16 pm ET
by Nenad of Belgrade
all things must come to
an end good or bad or both
peace and war, two words
Haiku # 53683, April 14, 2016 12:17 pm ET
by vhs
in college i had
a girl with a karoke
stereo and she would

have her Elmo toy
magnify through the speakers
THAT TICKLES HEE HEE!!!

i lost my temper
and broke her Footprints poem, and
1990s memories
Haiku # 53682, April 14, 2016 12:00 pm ET
by vhs of talk about hitting the wall
well we will vouch for
you as we surely do have
insanity here

have to look out for
each other and Elmo you
know, that tickles...hee hee
Haiku # 53681, April 14, 2016 11:57 am ET
by vhs
Run naked through a
fancy restaurant with a
Tickle Me Elmo.

The doll's optional,
but helps your insanity
plea if you get caught.
Haiku # 53680, April 14, 2016 7:11 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Enjambment is when
a sentence continues from
one line to the next.

This is frowned on in
traditional poetry,
but here no one cares.
Haiku # 53679, April 14, 2016 7:05 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
words fly like drunk birds
both funny and pathetic
somewhat poetic
Haiku # 53678, April 14, 2016 1:11 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
My God, I am old!
It's gotten to the point that
I don't like pooping.

I need a nurse aide.
She could give me enemas
at least twice a day.
Haiku # 53677, April 13, 2016 10:33 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker = f ' of x
colonic bugle
calling the troops left behind
heroic actions
Haiku # 53676, April 13, 2016 7:25 pm ET
by ash
Don't do LSD
You will forget how to count
Lose your effing mind
Haiku # 53675, April 13, 2016 7:04 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
i come on here and
i wonder what will be next
where the story goes
Haiku # 53672, April 13, 2016 3:13 pm ET
by vhs
perhaps district nine
will become a reality
but space bugs? really??

quite the story for
a metaphor on south of
africa, you know
Haiku # 53671, April 13, 2016 11:36 am ET
by vhs
LSD is
a minuscule molecule
that packs a big punch.
Haiku # 53670, April 13, 2016 9:47 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
We will all be killed.
By a giant meteor.
All problems thus solved.

Trump should build a wall.
Around the entire Earth.
ALIENS STAY OUT!
Haiku # 53668, April 12, 2016 8:54 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of 42 10101
relief, the taste of
something simple as yogurt
and the words shall flow
Haiku # 53667, April 12, 2016 3:46 pm ET
by vhs
Hello!
Haiku # 53666, April 12, 2016 2:55 pm ET
by ptiepepy of USA
Stupid reCaptcha.
"Could not open socket", eh?
We'll see about that.
Haiku # 53665, April 12, 2016 1:17 pm ET
by Adam
be an optimist
all of the worlds worst problems
will solve themselves
Haiku # 53664, April 11, 2016 9:02 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Nose-riding surfers.
How dare they defy physics!
Arrogant bastards.
Haiku # 53663, April 11, 2016 8:40 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
How many midget
Philippino prostitutes
does it take to (blank)?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Forty-two.
Haiku # 53662, April 10, 2016 5:21 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
How about this one:
What did the epileptic
leper say to the

Mexican gynecologist?
Haiku # 53661, April 10, 2016 5:17 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I should write something.
I can't think of anything.
My mind is a blank.
Haiku # 53660, April 10, 2016 5:09 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
and then i get the
slang on vanilla lives what
does he really do?????
Haiku # 53659, April 10, 2016 2:12 pm ET
by vhs
yes i just noticed
the bad grammar, but post to
post, editors rule

we've none here right now, hence all the spam etc
Haiku # 53658, April 10, 2016 1:11 pm ET
by vhs
laughing, cackle, cough
ahem, very funny now
i need to post this
Haiku # 53657, April 10, 2016 1:09 pm ET
by vhs
I don't believe it.
Your bad grammar is catching.
Did you notice it?
Haiku # 53654, April 9, 2016 6:11 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Oh, Christ, vhs!
I just took His name in vain.
You're grammar needs work.

It cracks me up when people... not you vhs, but other people... write "Praise Jesus" or something on a bathroom wall. I just wonder, does Jesus really want to be praised while I'm taking a dump? I seriously doubt it. There is a time and place for everything. Worship and tending to bodily business ought to be separate. Don't you think?

So I often reply to religious bathroom stall graffiti with "I don't think Jesus wants to be praised while your pooping! Be respectful!"
Haiku # 53653, April 9, 2016 6:07 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
ok so we're old men
`at a sort of internet
"bar" posting haiku...

keep posting assholes (for Mel Brooks)
Haiku # 53652, April 9, 2016 1:22 pm ET
by vhs of you're proud christian asshole
When you're getting old
never waste an erection.
SWEEEE!!! SU-SU-SU-EEEEE!!!!
Haiku # 53651, April 9, 2016 12:34 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Never waste a fart.
Chateau du Flatus popped cork.
{SNIIIFFFFFF} What a good year!
Haiku # 53649, April 9, 2016 12:24 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
defend your acre
prove you are no forsaker
cowards be ye all
Haiku # 53648, April 9, 2016 5:20 am ET
by Eye in the Sky of you lie
easy to predict
like animals responding
sing song light my bong
Haiku # 53647, April 9, 2016 2:26 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
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