She has to rewrite
Technology not her strength
Get the abacus

Damn that chick of mine
Forces me to Perkins now
Coffee and french fries

Oh Digital God
Binary Lover of all Men
Super Cyber Sex

a resurection
with no mary to wake me
bad haiku resumed

fuck you mcdonald's
salads dont come in a cup, damn
your dollar menu

superdome nightmare
woke up to man on my roof
high pressure cleaning

People that work in
Highway reststops hate clean teeth
They like spacious rot

think your job sucks, try
working at the New Orleans
Board of Tourism

hey ho uncle judd
it's no treat on bourbon street
mississippi blood

surprise ! shock and awe !
who thought you could offer more ?
george, get off the floor

wake up you dreamers
morning mr. president
it's time you were gone

down at the levee
moreso than ever before
subversive nature

Mississippi mud
is not a dessert this year
the gulf is just gone

drowning in tears
beloved new orleans
we not be jazzin'

"Horse Sense"


If it wasn't for
my horse, I wouldn't of spent
that year in college


-- thanks to comedian Lewis Black for the inspiration for this haiku

Concede consensus
Condescend cerulean
Cradled consciousness

"Etiolate"


He had a pale face
etiolated from years
in dank, dark pool halls

"Stogy"


Poker with the boys.
Smelling like a bad stogy
Broke, I hitchhike home.

"Incompetence"


Incompetence is
a level of Management
to which he aspires


-- inspired by Haiku #32577, by Bablets

tried to buy normal
waffle maker at Target,
Damn you, Belgiumites!

had to google "Girl"
to find out she's "sun-eyed", please
e-nun-c-8 Beck

"Call me Loretta,
call me what you will"..No? My
bad, Mr. Seger

incompetence is
a particular disease
that I suffer from

if I could type this
faster than the speed of light
I would but I can't

Honorifica-
bilitudinitati-
bus is a long word

like colourless green
time flies like a banana
furiously sleep

run fast they might *but*
thalidomide relay team
fluffs the baton pass

To the bank I go
To cash the cheques that I have
So that I'm not poor

I've been to Norway
Ravi and DJ Lov are
Rather terrible

Once there was a man
Who could run very quickly
But he had no arms

sore throat from yelling
why won't they listen to me
just invisible

shell of a human
behind a vacuous smile
an emptier brain

Mini camera
in my cell phone lets me take
surreptitious pix.

Don't you be fooled now,
This one's just got a bad case
Of the lookie-there's.

A generation
Meeting in the dark places
Speaking in hushed tones.

Lo! Idealism,
Scourge of a voracious youth.
"Handsome, empty youth."

Methamphetamines:
American like it's a'
Goin' out of style.

it's out of its tree
from an anarchic circle
the bipolar bear

Whys Tommy Lee hot?
What do women see in him?
Fame? Cash? Tats? Tripod?

Pablo Picasso
An iconoclastic artist
Challenged arts ideals

Like fine wine, some things
get better with age, but I
age more like fine milk

I said "Some women
find me attractive." She said,
"Those women are drunk!"


Alternate version


I said "Some women
find me attractive." She said,
"Honey, they're all drunk!"

I wish I were rich
I wish I were good looking
I wish I had hair
I wish I liked myself too
I wish these wishes come true



-- inspired by the Pearl Jam song, "Wish List"

Men, like bank accounts
Don't generate much interest
If they have no cash

Katrina, that b*tch,
only drinks Bourbon St. and
water, never tips

Political hacks
cover their tracks, obscuring
facts and changing tacks.

sad about your nose
to paraphrase joe cocker
blow me a river

I just sneezed again.
Where's my antihistamines?
I need a new nose.

No green hat or tie
no little BooBoo, whadda
bear disappointment