Whys Tommy Lee hot?
What do women see in him?
Fame? Cash? Tats? Tripod?

Pablo Picasso
An iconoclastic artist
Challenged arts ideals

Like fine wine, some things
get better with age, but I
age more like fine milk

I said "Some women
find me attractive." She said,
"Those women are drunk!"


Alternate version


I said "Some women
find me attractive." She said,
"Honey, they're all drunk!"

I wish I were rich
I wish I were good looking
I wish I had hair
I wish I liked myself too
I wish these wishes come true



-- inspired by the Pearl Jam song, "Wish List"

Men, like bank accounts
Don't generate much interest
If they have no cash

Katrina, that b*tch,
only drinks Bourbon St. and
water, never tips

Political hacks
cover their tracks, obscuring
facts and changing tacks.

sad about your nose
to paraphrase joe cocker
blow me a river

I just sneezed again.
Where's my antihistamines?
I need a new nose.

No green hat or tie
no little BooBoo, whadda
bear disappointment

First, wild turkeys, now
a black bear runs in front of
my car, NATURE ROCKS!

Pie pie pie pie pie
Pie pie pie pie pie pie pie
I like to think pie

I like leprosy
It can lead to peoples' arms
And legs falling off

an eight inch year
taller than a hobbit now
birthday girl ruby

four years three feet eight
patty cakes yellow and green
with lots of sprinkles

i have my limits
i would give my life for you
but not my lifetime

It's slowly sucking
and not at a pleasant pace
leaving red circles

Iffn' don't have a
grin leevin' 2 Score Vergin
y'all ain't hooked up rite!

Oh, Los Angeles
I'm lost on the blurry path
inhaling the smog

She offered coffee
she offered tea but all I
wanted was the "me"

Was going to pen
"An ode to the TTC"
Decided against

crosby stills and nash
hey hey my my Neil Young
I just get shaky

A black rose, weeping
Decaying in solitude
Unwanted, unloved

bring back the talent
i know the title says bad
but perhaps less bad

Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young
"Suite: Judy Blue Eyes"; press play.
Repeat as needed.

you are all mean here
but maybe you are hot chicks
i will speak slowly

Superfluous strokes
Of shitty laptop keyboard
Render naught but crap

Booking Thursday's flight
Booker T and the MGs
Umm ... Book 'em Danno!

New Today's Spongebob
Squarepants sponge...worst marketing
idea like ever

"Friendster Gets The Freeze"
The Wall Street Journal tells me
That is so '03.

Scorched by ammonia
While cooking some crystal meth
Profit exceeds loss

my brain's a crouton
floating in a soup of thoughts
seasoned with reasons

Braided my ass hair
Then I sprayed on some back hair
Ever so pretty

A package arrived
It is not addressed to me
Possession's nine tenths

Dashboard Hula digs
Bobble Barry Gibb til I
tell her it's Jesus

I'd like genetic
Modification more if
They made booby trees

Where do my pens go?
Maybe Roger Moore steals them
And colours in hats

Where is Roger Moore?
I'm sure I put him behind
The box of cornflakes

Prostate expanding
Vas deferens constricting
How complex, pissing?

Bodies are burning
Along the Strip of Gaza
Damn property rights

I am but human
My balls itch and I'm hungry
Scratch me n' feed me!

Bored as in Hell by
Pseudo-Intellectuals
Occupying space

Surround sound applause
For timely self-correction
Kudos, Liza Lot

The same principle
Applies to spelling errors
But minus the box.

Warning: Playing God
Recquires a cardboard box
[Not for the sqeamish.]

Once apon a time
There was a man who had AIDS
People laughed at him

Necrophilia
Fun for the whole family
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride

terminate program
grandma has a cock-up now
a runtime error

I wish I had legs
So that I could run around
And kick stuff about