Charlie Brown and Lucy,
Feelin' Kinda Juicy,
Kicking it with the homies...

Charlie Brown and Lucy,
Feelin' Kinda Juicy,
Kicking it with the homies...

There once was a man, who, one day
Tried to make bad haiku go away
But his plan it fell through
When people tried to do
Some more bad haiku anyway

April 1's over -
Now it's April 2, they say -
Give us the site back

Hope you will receive
twenty eight thousand haikus
straight on your dumb head

Do you really think
you can stop our bad haiku?
Janis will fight back!

It seems a bad guy
pirated a fine web site.
Give us Janis back!!!

There once was a monkey called Phil
Who would always be rigidly still
He had a big nose
And seventeen toes
He shouted out "Whoop! Whoop!" at will

K is so cleaver
He can look up own arshole
Still not see brains

Furtive strangers commune
Two desires yearning for a tryst
Each longing for love

Bad haiku site blocked
I had to sneak round the back
Can send but not view

Well...I did say that
this might happen..it is quite
easy to hack here

Scrape the cheese off your balls,
And put it on my sammich,
Yummy...its lunch!

I am Richard Larson,
I want sweaty balls in my mouth,
Teabag me now, bitch!

Sheena is probably basically
selfish and if I blew my brains out
over her criticism
wouldn't care but probably if
a friend of hers killed themselves
she'd dig through their wallet first
due to the nature of her probable
selfishness

as to the total elimination
of junk haiku, junk bonds
still exist in the form of movies

isn't sheena that woman
that runs around naked in
the jungle with george?

well, some lesbians do have
a hard time accepting the
fact two genders exists

(this has been edited )

Is she offended
by blatant misogyny
well, fuck her, that feminist nazi
bitch, she can go take her weepy
victimization and go watch some
Oprah and read some Toni Morrison
cause I'm not changing.

An eye for an eye is just.
Therefore a summary slaughter
of the family of one of our Bible
Belt, corn fed marines would be
highly justified. After all, we're
the one's instigating the eye poking
here. So the Iraqis should not be
held accountable, nor any terrorist,
for returning the favor.

Martin Amis blows
almost as much as Kingsley
who's, thankfully, dead

you better be on
some serious heavy shit
as your weak excuse

shocking amazing
how little you use your brain
disintegrating

(and I don't think you're a bad person, just a "sinner" better off, than say many a self righteous, prick...oh!)

(and I still like Vonnegut...)

oh, God said, "just pull the shade"

I don't know
right now whether I can
be rational or not right now

what would it be like
if some invading army
killed that soldier's family?

And God said "Let there be light."
And I said "Motherfucker! I'm
trying to get some sleep."

Larson's haikus on the other hand
Brilliantly ineffectual, they're like
a succession of Insurance
commercials, you suffer through
them while waiting for the real writers and shows to come back on.

S Frustrated groans
"now the banana... push deep"
Robot lover smirks

I hate Bukowski, Ham on Rye
blows, just self indulgent crap.
I write better sentences then
Bukowksi. I'd say I'm more like
a Martin Amis.

S Frustrated dreams
of landing on the moon and
Tongue kissing John Glenn

My head hurts. Need nap.
Bored out of my mind, but wait...
uterus hurts too.

S Frustrated writes
While eating many cupcakes
Fudgey Fingered Keys!

S Frustrated thinks
he is Bukowski, well buk's
Ded and S.F stinks

Man, I love to fuck
Donkeys and smear hot mustard
On my fat belly

Thief of the printed page, ha ha
I will steal everything you write,
And call it my own. (I am the
thief of the thief of the printed page stealing everything you write
and call it my own) this is called
a strange loop or recursion.

What sensual, emotive crap
Typical of the female form.
Hasn't been a good woman poet
since Emily Dickinson.

The monkey steals too
It is a bad monkey so I
Poke it with a stick

Thief of the printed page...haha
I will steal everything you write,
And call it my own..hahahaaaa!!

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa
I steal and plagerize everything!!
I am god-like!! hahahaaaaaaa

Poem of the day
www.poetry.com
I STOLE IT, HAHAHAAAA

A Writer's Companion
You are not a hobby or an aperitif,
a laundry basket I can forget,
or a man I wish were mine.

You are the comfort in the night,
a right flight plan, the only one I have,
a ticket to come by.

The times I begin to doze, you'll nudge me
to a desk, floor, perspectives my weak mind
won't do without, or ask to sleep some more.

Judgement and prescriptions end in
facts and budding truths of lyric
and almost lyrical lines
pulled fresh from your garden.

A ruby fruit for filled pancakes
on the first cold days of autumn.

You are the conjecture,
impetus for getting away
from my warm covers and lovers
this and every morning.

Where are we going at this hour?

At first she said yes
But it soon turned into no
Now she speaks no more

The audacity of that cunt, getting
up on that podium groaning and
blubbering about her "experience"
with sexual assault. The feminist
audience nods in girlpower
agreement. Wasn't she the one
who necessitated the use of anal
beads in the first place?

diary haiku,
sexually frustrated,
writes nice paragraphs.

She gives you consent
But afterward she's ashamed
It's time to cry rape.

The shapely swiveling
hips of grandpa carving
Thanksgiving turkey.

She seem to enjoy my finger in
her bum at the time, but two
months later she decides with the
help of her friends that she'd been
raped. I claim it was consentual,
but I'm kicked out of school
anyway. Moral of the story: if
you're going to fuck a girl nasty
style, make sure to kill her
afterwards and dismember the
body.