Natural Ice Beer
There isn''t much that tastes worse
But it gets you drunk

For all you X-Philes
New season starts on Sunday
The truth is out there

A falling snowflake
Settles on my tongue and tastes
Like dirty water

If I were Buffy
I''d stay at home all the time
Playing with myself

At death, freeze my head
Cryogenic afterlife
New world, future shock

Old man is senile
Machine body, mind of bytes
Reboot my grandpa

Electric Toothbrush
Removes all the plaque from those
Hard to reach places

Your computer screen
Isn''t feeding, it''s frying
Try turning it off

All technology
Only hides us from the truth
Ruth (single, horny)

The blackness descends
Like a carpet wrapped round an
Iraqi hostage

Yay it`s Hallowe`en!
Pass me that bowl of sweeties
And the Valium.

I just met a man
Whose fingers smelled of kebabs,
Or so he told me.

Your epiglottis,
Your globus hystericus
Moves. Is something wrong?

My favourite tree
Dropped all its leaves yesterday.
My favourite tree.

The hours trundle past
Like those clubland refugees
In the toilet queue.

The clocks have gone back.
But where on Earth have they gone?
Where? Clock Ibiza?

genshi bakudan!
such a justification.
such a price. who paid?

You haven''t been born
until you get out of town
and see where you''re from

UMPIRES ROBBED US
THE RED SOX ARE THE REAL CHAMPS!!!
THE YANKEES SUCK DICK

Rock n Roll Pete, why?
You spineless cape living dink
Rock no more pee teeth!

Black and White Snuggler
"Momma, Momma, let''s hug him!!"
Grinning like a shark

"Be Careful, Brittney"
Rolled over, soft tummy up
"I''ll give him a rub!!"

Rending claws gouge flesh
Hot salty blood courses out
Gurgles quietl

i hate you and me!
i hope you all die blood and hate
kill myself real dead

that last haiku was
an example of what''s wrong
and furthermore, why.

painting schniz is nice
its better than eating rice
and even kills lice.

working all day long
really isn''t all that bad
or else there''s trouble

you can trust me ma''am
i am a professional
let me paint your snatch

stan Lee the poet
code books and calculators
superfreaky shit

Bonnie''s Haiku

The fantastic house
It went to the wrong person
Hope the bitch dies quickly

Too much abstraction
can give a person headaches.
Art class fried my brain.

Blood...Blood...Blood...Blood...Blood
Blood...Blood...Blood...Blood...Blood...Blood...Blood
I live in a box.

People Are Stupid
that`s why I despise you all
and wish you would die

Ben is making a
web page about mind control,
and why he likes it.

log in: dragon_snail
password: accessible
log in incorrect.

Teabag Grampystein
Stained eye,lifeless corpse, HE''S DEAD
Coffee table is thrown

Thinking about buying a home that''s fantastic
Not on your life if Bonnie is jealous of you
Until a contract is signed, is a house legally yours to move in.
Counting the days until the floors submit

hey how''s it going?
would you like some bubble gum?
fuck you then ASSHOLE!

Went to the movies
We saw old Tesio die
Kelley had to cry

New Sheriff in town
Brown and nasty as they come
FREEZE! hold on stevie...

evil scientist
hates cornelious, zira
shoots ape baby dead!

Albino snowman
No time to be creative
Change your phone message!

there were a few dogs
people confused them with hogs
on shoes they found logs

Ahhh.....the Ash man speaks true.
All this talk of sex and pooh
makes our haiku blue.

Denver dislikes bums
No money, scamming for beer
Bloody, caved in heads

You like the omelette?
I made it all by myself,
And with my own eggs.

Spiky horse chestnuts
Trodden into the path like
Little squashed hedgehogs.

when haiku was young
it was oft gentle and sweet
not genital sweat

Not really, Kat, were
you trying? I`d like to hear
something romantic.

Up to no good, as
usual. Do I make you
horny, Kimberly?

Hey, Kat. I see you
too. Are you being vulgar
and evil again?

Hello Kimberly,
I know where you are right now.
I see you typing.