hold your breath. count to
ten - no twenty - no - thirty.
take your time, i'll wait.

In my suicidal moods
When hurt by those who basically
told me my life was nothing on line
I was tempted to give them
my full identity, phone number, date
of birth, social security and so on
Realizing they can do that anyway

Is it fashionable
For a man to love God
And then Satan next season
for the sale of a Vogue?

I had tea today with a friend
and this friend was free
just for one moment

the dark of bad
haiku. grandma's lighter side.
her balls hang heavy!

Involves telling critics
To go stay in the shitpile
And let me out of it

Why is it you feel
I am whining? Are you jealous?
Maybe... Like live action tv shows,
so much sacrifice to self and money

Whining begets a mugger
but if you are wise
you will relearn how to be human

Is it because the writer is on coke?
And what is the sound of one clap, with clap handing?

pissing up my leg,
shoving down my throat, whisper
in the cat's anus

I love a good fight
If you bring it on, then
More drivel will come

When the shock dies then
men marry men and girls too
Love in Vermont?

sreaming monkey churl
prudish sissy whining girl
grandma has a cock!

If you are liberal and true
I still don't understand you
And that is where friction
Produces flames, of inspiration
A cry for help, maybe even poetry
to the untrained eye... If it is trained
then it is still learning

It has been a good day.
My last poem you didn't understand
Was a reaction to a girl who acted
tactful
Tact must die

skip crap, rope, stones, school
skip bad haiku. crtiticise.
beg me baby, beg.

Does not go noticed
And who cares? If we don't then
Like monkeys, you'll do

You see ducks in
Camden... To fucking get
me, you need to see
through my eyes.

you gotta skip a
lotta crapa to get to
"9 Valentines" - 9748

killer bees, shark bite
spider venom serpant scale
grandma has a cock

coiled serpants lurk
sharp tongued dim witted haiku
source of such pleasure

hard turd drops with spalsh
steam pours off my burning ass
toilet paper rasp

hot jalapenos
burn me two times baybeee
burn me twice today

little does he know
I put that little bugger
in his underwear!

"The toothfairy ain't
brown!" he cried and then went to
find a place to hide

You're a fairy if
you're afraid of a mousie
with a pair of wings

Toothfairy came to
visit us last night. She looked
a lot like a bat

I grabbed a sheet and
gave her chase while my roommate
cried and wet his pants

"HAIKU!" God bless you!
"No, it's a poem." Oh, in
that case, God BLESS you!

Oh, Spiro Agnew
Rearrange your letters and
get 'Grow A Penis'

I wonder because
when I'm with her I listen
now alone, I talk...

i saw a worm one crazy day wriggling on its belly
i looked at it and smiled at it
and squashed it with my wellie

my magic eight ball
stars, moons, cards, and crazy loons
all say you and me!

I am a dummy
sometimes a brilliant diamond
forget, still like me?

on my bed with you
you say hi and i reply
don't you love the phone?

cussing and wishing
I became tired of the now
so I stopped and changed

lovely Beltane Day,
will anyone notice
and love earth mother?

petty betty, hm?
ruined by who? was that "you"
collective / lonely?

inflation limit
al greenspan understands this
economic fart

wear goggles and gloves
repotting yukkas my god
you could lose an eye

It's late and I know
that when I slur and mistype
a British accent

Tell me that it's true
and me beams will say so too
just because it's you

If I dial your smile
Would you waste away your while
and run one last mile

Me not know numbers
Me know Cheetah, monkies, Jane
Me can write haiku

There once was haiku
At least an attempt or two
Now ruined by you

Tactics is knowing
what to do if and when there
is something to do.

Strategy, then, is
knowing what to do when there
is nothing to do.

Nine Valentines

9748 - 9740
I can love you now my heart is a SHIELD

Nine Valentines

I can love you now, my heart is a ahiels
my phallus a sar to which you will yeild
"oh, my dear sar!" you say it so weird
I thought that myself; it's not what I've heard!

I offered you love, then I held it back
it came 'round again, an' I was taken aback
to live without, your heart must really be strong
to give it, doubt not, art your arm long?

let my love's repute precede me
I'll waiter your wants til you need me
my heart on a platter wasn't enough
for your rationalizations: such heady stuff

never did sissy make such a fuss
pushing my love up a mountain's a bust
but my heart's pounding to roll down over me
'cause dragging me up with it's so unloverly