Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
28 Years, 61 Days and 77459 Haiku later...

There once was haiku
At least an attempt or two
Now ruined by you
Haiku # 9751, May 1, 2001 1:00 am ET
by Betty LeBomb
Tactics is knowing
what to do if and when there
is something to do.

Strategy, then, is
knowing what to do when there
is nothing to do.
Haiku # 9750, April 30, 2001 11:15 pm ET
by Quebasa of Krakow
Nine Valentines

9748 - 9740
I can love you now my heart is a SHIELD
Haiku # 9749, April 30, 2001 11:06 pm ET
by to Matt Groening
Nine Valentines

I can love you now, my heart is a ahiels
my phallus a sar to which you will yeild
"oh, my dear sar!" you say it so weird
I thought that myself; it's not what I've heard!
Haiku # 9748, April 30, 2001 11:00 pm ET
by to Matt Groening
I offered you love, then I held it back
it came 'round again, an' I was taken aback
to live without, your heart must really be strong
to give it, doubt not, art your arm long?
Haiku # 9747, April 30, 2001 10:57 pm ET
by to Matt G
let my love's repute precede me
I'll waiter your wants til you need me
my heart on a platter wasn't enough
for your rationalizations: such heady stuff
Haiku # 9746, April 30, 2001 10:55 pm ET
by to Matt G
never did sissy make such a fuss
pushing my love up a mountain's a bust
but my heart's pounding to roll down over me
'cause dragging me up with it's so unloverly
Haiku # 9745, April 30, 2001 10:53 pm ET
by to Matt G
it's not many a dog will give up a bone
with a wag of a hope of not being alone
if you don't want it, what'll I do
you'd be heartless to waste such a hardy chew
Haiku # 9744, April 30, 2001 10:50 pm ET
by to Matt G
"my heart's set on you" would I shut my yap!?
I feel like I'm likely to stumble in my own trap
the bite's too big or the bait's too small
you'll lose a foot freely or not see it at all
Haiku # 9743, April 30, 2001 10:48 pm ET
by to Matt G
if I wore pajamas covered in hearts
would that restore so many bad starts
would you adore such a desperate pash
please do, else I'm sure to break out in a rash!
Haiku # 9742, April 30, 2001 10:46 pm ET
by to Matt G
a heart you should seek is a heart you can earn
however, out of your reach; there's a lesson to learn
there may be a trick, as there may be merit
better my heart on a stick, than an edible carrot.
Haiku # 9741, April 30, 2001 10:44 pm ET
by to Matt G
to waste away, or live love too fast
at least we can say, we'll find peace at last.
if I died for love and you were only plucked;
I hope it's remembered, both lovers are fucked.
Haiku # 9740, April 30, 2001 10:41 pm ET
by to Matt G
chili for dinner
green onions and cheese, hard rolls.
blow sheets off the bed

"open the window,
sleep in the guest room" she says
much methane madness


Haiku # 9739, April 30, 2001 10:41 pm ET
by ap
Snakes! Yes, snakes live here.
God's error these creatures are.
Scare the shit from me.

venomous bastards
seem so extreme as such
just to kill a mouse
Haiku # 9738, April 30, 2001 10:28 pm ET
by ap
cool dark night surrounds
while spring peepers serenade.
loud little fuckers.

Haiku # 9737, April 30, 2001 10:22 pm ET
by ap
no contemplation
and never meditaion
sold my brain for beans
Haiku # 9736, April 30, 2001 10:18 pm ET
by ap
TV is vast wasteland
you ain't just whistlin' Dixie
Tom Green Show is on
Haiku # 9735, April 30, 2001 10:14 pm ET
by Mr. Blue Sky
I watch birds have sex
cable tv is so strange
Marlin Perkins spins
Haiku # 9734, April 30, 2001 10:14 pm ET
by Mr. Blue Sky
K-Mart or Wal-Mart
where will I find the best deal
Blue light shows the way
Haiku # 9733, April 30, 2001 10:13 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
betty lebomb yeah!
ideas rolling around.
let'em out betty.
Haiku # 9732, April 30, 2001 10:12 pm ET
by ap
cell phone in one hand
hard line in the other hand
laptop blinks email
Haiku # 9731, April 30, 2001 10:08 pm ET
by ap
ranting and raving
whining crying and bitching
but not bad haiku

not bad poetry
no discernable meaning
a cry for pity?
Haiku # 9730, April 30, 2001 10:06 pm ET
by ap
can they get it right ?
enough streams of consciousness
it's 5 - 7 - 5
Haiku # 9729, April 30, 2001 8:48 pm ET
by ash
Confidence artificial
sort of given by practice...
At worst it leads to
My own thing is God
Haiku # 9728, April 30, 2001 4:41 pm ET
by Moxie of self help...
It's that experience
that I'm getting old when I
seem to bounce off some
shell of a girl blunt
answers, but it's the back off
my boyfriend is stoned.
I don't want to give
him away Moxie, you might just
be a narc...I am.
Haiku # 9727, April 30, 2001 4:40 pm ET
by Moxie of who's this stoner kid...?
i am i am i
said i'm not myself i'm not
dead i'm not for sale

so keep your bank roll
lott'ry eat your salad day
death bed motorcade
Haiku # 9726, April 30, 2001 4:31 pm ET
by impro of nod to stp
Been out of office
Trying to get house stuff done
So I can move in.
Haiku # 9725, April 30, 2001 4:21 pm ET
by Saint
how lonely my dark
desolation and shadow
where is our saint, now?

oh that I would die
rather than endure this pain
where is our priest, now?
Haiku # 9724, April 30, 2001 3:53 pm ET
by Drophammer of from a lonely place
gingerly padding
my stinking pouting ass with
toilet sand paper
Haiku # 9723, April 30, 2001 2:55 pm ET
by Buns_of_Steel of Dallas, TX
Electrical light
Melted my feet, burned my sight
You sparkled so bright
Haiku # 9722, April 30, 2001 1:01 pm ET
by Betty LeBomb
One day I did play
With oceans and crashing waves
I long for that day
Haiku # 9721, April 30, 2001 12:56 pm ET
by Betty LeBomb
I thought it was glue
How it stuck to me and you
This thick haiku stew
Haiku # 9720, April 30, 2001 12:45 pm ET
by Betty LeBomb
Remifeminist?
What a fucked up commercial
Ads are so boring
Haiku # 9719, April 30, 2001 11:36 am ET
by Stavesacre of Little Rock
mellie, the juicer!
unafraid but unfilling
fuck farce be with you!
Haiku # 9718, April 30, 2001 11:28 am ET
by boo
what did I come here
for tai chi or chi tea, duuhh!
do you remember?
Haiku # 9717, April 30, 2001 11:22 am ET
by Confused such says
cradled in both hands
thumbs gently pulling back skin
aromatic bliss

it's bursting with juice
parting lips salivating
I slip it straight in
Haiku # 9716, April 30, 2001 11:07 am ET
by mellie, dedicated to the mandarin
the earth spins in the
direction opposite the
motion of my feet
Haiku # 9715, April 30, 2001 10:48 am ET
by impro
irritating itch
drives you nuts till you scratch it
and pick at the scabs

Haiku # 9714, April 30, 2001 9:24 am ET
by mellie
starting again now
starting from scratch is so cool
you undo mistakes
Haiku # 9713, April 30, 2001 9:18 am ET
by mellie
and staring from scratch
only way up is right way
carefully does it
Haiku # 9712, April 30, 2001 4:21 am ET
by mellie
snag for feminists
could be the itchy pussy
I'd give it a scratch
Haiku # 9711, April 30, 2001 4:17 am ET
by mellie
within delusion
to discard disillusion
start that infusion
Haiku # 9710, April 30, 2001 3:55 am ET
by ash
an itchy scrotum
empathy notwithstanding
offends feminists
Haiku # 9709, April 30, 2001 1:54 am ET
by ash
upstairs and downstairs
undercoat and overcoat
insane and outsane
Haiku # 9708, April 30, 2001 1:48 am ET
by ash
notch up the next corpse
pumped with drugs and misery
the wrong chemicals
Haiku # 9707, April 30, 2001 1:38 am ET
by ash
The day that you flew
Haiku # 9706, April 29, 2001 11:43 pm ET
by Betty LeBomb of Blueville (yes)
The day that you flew
Away the color you knew
leaving me here, blue
Haiku # 9705, April 29, 2001 11:41 pm ET
by Betty LeBomb
You like to fly too,
I knew when I spoke with you
with your hair so blue.
Haiku # 9704, April 29, 2001 11:33 pm ET
by Betty LeBomb
floating rising blue
rising and floating with you
why can't I fly too?
Haiku # 9703, April 29, 2001 11:30 pm ET
by Betty LeBomb
This girl that I knew
Had hair like oceans of blue,
But away she flew
Haiku # 9702, April 29, 2001 11:27 pm ET
by Betty LeBomb
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