Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
28 Years, 61 Days and 77459 Haiku later...

hard turd drops with spalsh
steam pours off my burning ass
toilet paper rasp
Haiku # 9773, May 1, 2001 8:30 pm ET
by ap
hot jalapenos
burn me two times baybeee
burn me twice today
Haiku # 9772, May 1, 2001 8:28 pm ET
by ap
little does he know
I put that little bugger
in his underwear!
Haiku # 9771, May 1, 2001 4:21 pm ET
by impro
"The toothfairy ain't
brown!" he cried and then went to
find a place to hide

You're a fairy if
you're afraid of a mousie
with a pair of wings
Haiku # 9770, May 1, 2001 4:19 pm ET
by impro
Toothfairy came to
visit us last night. She looked
a lot like a bat

I grabbed a sheet and
gave her chase while my roommate
cried and wet his pants
Haiku # 9769, May 1, 2001 4:07 pm ET
by impro
"HAIKU!" God bless you!
"No, it's a poem." Oh, in
that case, God BLESS you!
Haiku # 9768, May 1, 2001 3:59 pm ET
by impro
Oh, Spiro Agnew
Rearrange your letters and
get 'Grow A Penis'
Haiku # 9767, May 1, 2001 3:52 pm ET
by impro
I wonder because
when I'm with her I listen
now alone, I talk...
Haiku # 9766, May 1, 2001 3:10 pm ET
by Buns_of_Steel of Dallas, TX
i saw a worm one crazy day wriggling on its belly
i looked at it and smiled at it
and squashed it with my wellie
Haiku # 9765, May 1, 2001 3:08 pm ET
by biggeordie
my magic eight ball
stars, moons, cards, and crazy loons
all say you and me!
Haiku # 9764, May 1, 2001 3:07 pm ET
by Buns_of_Steel of Dallas, TX
I am a dummy
sometimes a brilliant diamond
forget, still like me?
Haiku # 9763, May 1, 2001 3:05 pm ET
by Buns_of_Steel of Dallas, TX
on my bed with you
you say hi and i reply
don't you love the phone?
Haiku # 9762, May 1, 2001 2:59 pm ET
by Buns_of_Steel of Dallas, TX
cussing and wishing
I became tired of the now
so I stopped and changed
Haiku # 9761, May 1, 2001 2:56 pm ET
by Buns_of_Steel of Dallas, TX
lovely Beltane Day,
will anyone notice
and love earth mother?
Haiku # 9760, May 1, 2001 11:32 am ET
by Miss Everything
petty betty, hm?
ruined by who? was that "you"
collective / lonely?
Haiku # 9759, May 1, 2001 11:30 am ET
by boo
inflation limit
al greenspan understands this
economic fart
Haiku # 9758, May 1, 2001 6:50 am ET
by ap
wear goggles and gloves
repotting yukkas my god
you could lose an eye
Haiku # 9757, May 1, 2001 4:05 am ET
by mellie
It's late and I know
that when I slur and mistype
a British accent
Haiku # 9756, May 1, 2001 1:14 am ET
by Betty LeBomb
Tell me that it's true
and me beams will say so too
just because it's you
Haiku # 9755, May 1, 2001 1:12 am ET
by Betty LeBomb
If I dial your smile
Would you waste away your while
and run one last mile
Haiku # 9754, May 1, 2001 1:07 am ET
by Betty LeBomb
Me not know numbers
Me know Cheetah, monkies, Jane
Me can write haiku
Haiku # 9753, May 1, 2001 1:02 am ET
by Tarzan
Haiku # 9752, May 1, 2001 1:01 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
There once was haiku
At least an attempt or two
Now ruined by you
Haiku # 9751, May 1, 2001 1:00 am ET
by Betty LeBomb
Tactics is knowing
what to do if and when there
is something to do.

Strategy, then, is
knowing what to do when there
is nothing to do.
Haiku # 9750, April 30, 2001 11:15 pm ET
by Quebasa of Krakow
Nine Valentines

9748 - 9740
I can love you now my heart is a SHIELD
Haiku # 9749, April 30, 2001 11:06 pm ET
by to Matt Groening
Nine Valentines

I can love you now, my heart is a ahiels
my phallus a sar to which you will yeild
"oh, my dear sar!" you say it so weird
I thought that myself; it's not what I've heard!
Haiku # 9748, April 30, 2001 11:00 pm ET
by to Matt Groening
I offered you love, then I held it back
it came 'round again, an' I was taken aback
to live without, your heart must really be strong
to give it, doubt not, art your arm long?
Haiku # 9747, April 30, 2001 10:57 pm ET
by to Matt G
let my love's repute precede me
I'll waiter your wants til you need me
my heart on a platter wasn't enough
for your rationalizations: such heady stuff
Haiku # 9746, April 30, 2001 10:55 pm ET
by to Matt G
never did sissy make such a fuss
pushing my love up a mountain's a bust
but my heart's pounding to roll down over me
'cause dragging me up with it's so unloverly
Haiku # 9745, April 30, 2001 10:53 pm ET
by to Matt G
it's not many a dog will give up a bone
with a wag of a hope of not being alone
if you don't want it, what'll I do
you'd be heartless to waste such a hardy chew
Haiku # 9744, April 30, 2001 10:50 pm ET
by to Matt G
"my heart's set on you" would I shut my yap!?
I feel like I'm likely to stumble in my own trap
the bite's too big or the bait's too small
you'll lose a foot freely or not see it at all
Haiku # 9743, April 30, 2001 10:48 pm ET
by to Matt G
if I wore pajamas covered in hearts
would that restore so many bad starts
would you adore such a desperate pash
please do, else I'm sure to break out in a rash!
Haiku # 9742, April 30, 2001 10:46 pm ET
by to Matt G
a heart you should seek is a heart you can earn
however, out of your reach; there's a lesson to learn
there may be a trick, as there may be merit
better my heart on a stick, than an edible carrot.
Haiku # 9741, April 30, 2001 10:44 pm ET
by to Matt G
to waste away, or live love too fast
at least we can say, we'll find peace at last.
if I died for love and you were only plucked;
I hope it's remembered, both lovers are fucked.
Haiku # 9740, April 30, 2001 10:41 pm ET
by to Matt G
chili for dinner
green onions and cheese, hard rolls.
blow sheets off the bed

"open the window,
sleep in the guest room" she says
much methane madness


Haiku # 9739, April 30, 2001 10:41 pm ET
by ap
Snakes! Yes, snakes live here.
God's error these creatures are.
Scare the shit from me.

venomous bastards
seem so extreme as such
just to kill a mouse
Haiku # 9738, April 30, 2001 10:28 pm ET
by ap
cool dark night surrounds
while spring peepers serenade.
loud little fuckers.

Haiku # 9737, April 30, 2001 10:22 pm ET
by ap
no contemplation
and never meditaion
sold my brain for beans
Haiku # 9736, April 30, 2001 10:18 pm ET
by ap
TV is vast wasteland
you ain't just whistlin' Dixie
Tom Green Show is on
Haiku # 9735, April 30, 2001 10:14 pm ET
by Mr. Blue Sky
I watch birds have sex
cable tv is so strange
Marlin Perkins spins
Haiku # 9734, April 30, 2001 10:14 pm ET
by Mr. Blue Sky
K-Mart or Wal-Mart
where will I find the best deal
Blue light shows the way
Haiku # 9733, April 30, 2001 10:13 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
betty lebomb yeah!
ideas rolling around.
let'em out betty.
Haiku # 9732, April 30, 2001 10:12 pm ET
by ap
cell phone in one hand
hard line in the other hand
laptop blinks email
Haiku # 9731, April 30, 2001 10:08 pm ET
by ap
ranting and raving
whining crying and bitching
but not bad haiku

not bad poetry
no discernable meaning
a cry for pity?
Haiku # 9730, April 30, 2001 10:06 pm ET
by ap
can they get it right ?
enough streams of consciousness
it's 5 - 7 - 5
Haiku # 9729, April 30, 2001 8:48 pm ET
by ash
Confidence artificial
sort of given by practice...
At worst it leads to
My own thing is God
Haiku # 9728, April 30, 2001 4:41 pm ET
by Moxie of self help...
It's that experience
that I'm getting old when I
seem to bounce off some
shell of a girl blunt
answers, but it's the back off
my boyfriend is stoned.
I don't want to give
him away Moxie, you might just
be a narc...I am.
Haiku # 9727, April 30, 2001 4:40 pm ET
by Moxie of who's this stoner kid...?
i am i am i
said i'm not myself i'm not
dead i'm not for sale

so keep your bank roll
lott'ry eat your salad day
death bed motorcade
Haiku # 9726, April 30, 2001 4:31 pm ET
by impro of nod to stp
Been out of office
Trying to get house stuff done
So I can move in.
Haiku # 9725, April 30, 2001 4:21 pm ET
by Saint
how lonely my dark
desolation and shadow
where is our saint, now?

oh that I would die
rather than endure this pain
where is our priest, now?
Haiku # 9724, April 30, 2001 3:53 pm ET
by Drophammer of from a lonely place
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