How to read poems
First, make sure no one's looking
Next, get out the lube
by Stephanie Burt of Harvard
Don't Read Poetry.
A book by Stephanie Burt.
I used it to wipe.
by First soak in water for a bit to soften it up. of Hey, it was the author's suggestion!
I was just thinking
I'm there for you every time
you do your business
by Conversation with my dog of Now that's defecation!
It's superMA'AM!
Well Shazam, Shazam, Shazam!
Billy Batson's butt!
Inappropriate.
Jim Nabors banging Kal-El.
It might get pinched off.
by Be careful, Gomer Pyle! of They'll run you out of Mayberry!
Purple hair and spikes.
Yet another vain attempt.
Proving one's "wokeness".
by I'm joining the white cracker commies. of At least I can be on the winning side. When the shit goes down.
Batman is laughing.
Kal-El is gobblin' some noots.
Deez noots in cream sauce.
by Somehow I'm not surprised. of It's Trump's fault.
Superman won't fight
for the American way.
Now that's really gay!
by Commies taking over!
Red bibb on the back.
Now I become Super Pooh.
But still I'm not gay.
Don't overthink it.
I've not got much brain to think.
I'd love some honey.
by Anonymous Poet
You wouldn't happen
to have a pot of honey?
It's my kryptonite.
by Winnie the Pooh bear.
Winnie the Pooh's ass.
Can't help but want to squeeze it.
Superman's now gay.
by Squeeze it, grease it, and sleez it.
Don't steal, don't gamble...
Talking about the man called
Michael Campbell. (DUB)
by Beyond WWIII
Rock bands should not preach.
They just need to do their art.
It doesn't age well.
by Strum Strum of It Ain't Mozart
I love their record
With dub-master Mikey Dread
Called 'Black Market Clash'
by Bank Robber of Armagideon Time
Used to like the Clash.
But now Joe's voice makes me cringe.
A few songs still good...
by The preachy Leftism gets dull...
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by Rybickijqyw of Russia
Which one would you fuck?
2 day old, stale baguette bread
Everything bagel
by Anonymous Poet
Never robbed a bank
bank error in my favor
100 dollars
Noticed it later
She gave my dog a biscuit
in the drive thru tube
by Noticer of $$$ (eventually)
It wasn't an axe
It was with a Gurkah knife
That ain't much better
by Anonymous Poet
Never murdered anyone
but I worked for someone who
was axe murdered. Truth.
by Starkitten
Clash. Sandinista
One of my favorite albums
I bet you like it
by Sk
12 hours ahead.
But 200 years behind.
You have to see it.
by Soon I will get out.
What time is it there?
It's like talking with someone
who's from the future
by Starkitten of Tuesday
When you're all alone
solving those math equations.
Mathturbation?
by Noticer of How's your eyesight?
Fusion energy.
With enough beans it might work.
Intense compression.
by 2 H-1 ==> He of Flatus does have a bit of H2 gas in it.
I'm no scientist
but if I reverse the charge
your plan might backfire
by Phone of in the bathroom
If you want fart calls,
I will accommodate you.
It doesn't cost much.
by $2.99 per minute. of 1-800-HOT-TOOT
Yes, I despise Alf
If I give you my number
will your fart call me?
by Sk
Medicinal crack.
Prevents getting stressful jobs.
It's my brain, my choice!
by blahblahblahblahblahblah
Chihuahuas are weird.
Eyes look different directions.
Snort like little pigs.
by Feed them to crocodiles!
Murdered anyone?
Have you ever robbed a bank?
Made a prank phone call?
by My friends and I used to call people and play a recording of our farts and ask them to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
Okay, I must ask:
How many cats do you have?
And do you hate Alf?
by I know you do.
Have you ever seen
conjoined twin dyslexia
South Park episode.
by It's a classic!
I'll be on the porch
I may try to get you high
by remote catnip
by Let me know if you feel it of Suggest some tunes
I'm a defective
I just pick up things sometimes
Not a detective
by Starkitten
I'll eat cereal
with my headless conjoined twin.
Fucking holidays.
by Noticer of Suicidal ideation
I miss Thanksgiving.
Grandparents, uncles, cousins.
Good homecooked dinner.
by Johnny, don't play with yourself under the table cloth!
You are so stupid.
All holidays are plastic.
Nothing more is "real".
by Plastic bought with plastic by plastic people. of Death to America! Jihad! Jihad!
You know me too well.
I don't really mind, of course.
Who do you work for?
Government agent?
Private investigator?
Pervert revenge squad?
Do your worst, my dear.
These days I just yearn for death.
Too long in this world.
Cyanide capsule for emergencies.
Can't wait to go back to Thailand. Good food and anything I would do seems half-way normal compared to the outright debauchery and decadence in that crazy place. And not locked in by ocean.
I would love to see the deep jungle. Wild tigers and giant snakes. I might make a good snack.
by Darth Go Ahead and Jump! of JUMP!
Dancing with Grandma.
Lot of work digging her up.
We shared some whiskey.
Can the dead trip balls?
I laced her drink with acid.
We will soon find out.
by Funky familial fiestas.
Customer service?
Found a hair in my candies
Oompa Loompa pubes!
by Anonymous Poet
It's a lot of work
Inserting a razor blade
in every apple
by Busy
I pick Black Sabbath.
Their music is biblical.
The Lord likes that band.
by War Pigs of Prophecy
Halloween is shit.
Typical U.S. blowout:
Plastic and sugar.
by Hypoglycemia of Made in China
I tried Thorazine
It was back in the 80's...
It made my brain crawl.
by It Was Not Prescribed of Not Fun
The one that we pick
is your Halloween costume?
I pick Van Halen
High on Wonka bars
wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt
It's Darthula Roth!
Doing the backflip
Scaring old people at mall
The obvious choice
by Noticer of Rocktober Surprise
Pick one:
Ozzy Osbourne
Motley Crue
Van Halen (with David Lee)
Led Zepplin
Pink Floyd
by This is NOT a test.
God hates all poets.
Not just the ones who write here.
Yes, even Shakespere.
by He told me this. of Then kicked me in the balls. God is vengeful.
Had too much to drink.
Ate balot with vinegar.
Barfed up duck fetus.
Now I'm one of them.
Next week we do human flesh.
Maybe Halloween.
Cannabalism,
mushrooms and lots of good rum.
Life gets no better.
by At least it's not meth!
A clean asylum.
Sanitary sanity.
Nurse Ratchet's undies.
by Here, have some thorazine. of Excellent vintage.
Ladies' room trashcan.
Unsanitary napkins.
Vampire tea bags.
by You are NOT the father.
