Haiku was once gold.
But through reverse alchemy
Haiku is now lead.

Call the S.P.L.C.
Seriously, call them now.
They owe me money.

Hey now, no racism.
Only blacks can say nigger.
And you are not black.

Haiku worse den crack.
Yo, I'm serious, nigger...
Haiku get you HIGH.

Monsieur, je vous dis
Que vraiment vous etes un con
Entre tous les cons.

Janis, Janis, HELP !
They are being mean to me.
Please censor them, please!

We had to spay her.
We didn't want the Rockettes
in our living room.

About that pet rock:
Mine was from the rock shelter.
We toilet-trained her.

Satan is a ghost.
Ghost of a long-dead insect.
And an algorithm.

Old devil is BEAT!
Ha ha ha satan has lost.
That's what makes you mad.

Did you ever hear
Lux Interior of Cramps
Sing "Surfin' Bird" live?

Mom, I just can't stop.
Can't stop counting syllables.
More Ovaltine, please!

The Anasazi
Mogollon and Hohokam
And all of their gods

Do not change your sex.
It will be hard to shop for
Underwear and stuff.

There are two genders.
Just two. That means only two.
As in not more than.

Jesus loves haiku!
I know because He told me.
We shall all wear crowns.

Sunday morning.
Get thee to a nunnery.
But leave Darth at home.

Chaka Shandara
Babakila Hungawa
Raboboboga

Stars can't stay married.
What on earth is their problem...
Is it due to their

Ah shore does love them
fresh Garfinkels an' cornpone
With some hog side-meat.

The Sounds of Silence
Bridge Over Troubled Water:
I LOVE the Monkees!

We walked in silence
That is, until I farted
And that's when you screamed

Robot vagina
How come you smell like a trout?
Big metal fish lips

Mechanical Turk
Pays one cent for each haiku
if they're about poop

Are you a Simon?
Or more of a Garfunkle?
Report back to me

She had a pet rock
Was it beastiality?
That's what the song means


Central Park squirrel
Simon and Garfunkle fuck
He buries his nuts

Drank beer; ate blue cheese.
Prehistoric salt miners.
Poo tells their story.

Detonation. Yes!
I am so excited now.
Her pussy gets me--

You know you want to.
Donate so we'll detonate
Bring peace to this earth.

If you detonate
seven nuclear warheads,
Jesus will arive.

Do you have problems
trying to connect to your
wireless printer?

general electric copy that
bots and machines willl not rule
without our control

paul simon once wrote
"like she loves me like a rock"
explain this badly

stanley knife Q bricked
you tool in race to the moon
clear water solution

Beware of the curses
attached to haunted shipwrecks
Don't take souvenirs

It's on Google
Batman's underwater cave
connects to Roswell

Down down down we go.
Not to die; to be re-born
among mer-people.

Gates to Atlantis:
Subterranean portals
Submerged mysteries.

The Sargasso Sea:
Graveyard of ghostly shipwrecks...
Darth's favorite nightclub.

Who wants octopus
When stars become visible
In night skies of bliss?

Celestial woman:
a map of the Pleiades
traced upon her ass.

Just one octopus
can jerk off eight eels at once
Lets see you do that

The Sargasso Sea
If you want to make eel friends
A good place to start

I was just thinking
What if people had antlers?
God is good, I guess

Bog Roll magazine
When you're done reading a page
wipe your bum with it

I'm suffering from
every ailment known to man
Haiku was prescribed

The Gold Pen Award
I won it in the 5th grade
And now look at me

Plagued by parasites.
Yes, that might be redundant.
Some people should die.

Hello?
Acme Pest Controw?
There's a pest I need controwed.
Pest controw robot?

Send it wight over!
Fix that wascawwy wabbit!
And fix him for good!

Truth.

It's a crying shame
Hitler didn't write haiku
and perform it live

Save time on meal prep
Hearty soup cooks in toilet!
Grunt out your lunch, NOW!