Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

They don't wipe it off.
Haiku # 70432, April 11, 2021 3:47 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Just how do you know
when you come across a real
genuine poet?
Haiku # 70431, April 11, 2021 3:41 am ET
by Emily Dickingsome of My room
Man at the checkout
“Can you scan this salami?”
“I came in with it!!”
Haiku # 70429, April 11, 2021 12:40 am ET
by Eyewitness of He wasn’t shoplifting
Fun gondola ride
Alimentary Canal
Shit, there’s the anus
Haiku # 70428, April 11, 2021 12:32 am ET
by Name withheld of Tourist Trap
Just like that, he's back
Sticky trail in the cheese aisle
Galloping Gourmet
Haiku # 70427, April 10, 2021 10:32 pm ET
by Fan of Gentle Darth of Not at King Soopers loaded for bear
Sentient organs
of dead B-actors remain
alive through dark arts.

Blood replenishing
Red Cross inappropriate

Grafted to a mouse.
Mister Garrison's penis
craves cheese fromunda.

Fromage fromunda
in Whole Foods deli section.
Lost my train of thought.

Kicking that dead horse.
Methinks Tom Bosley's penis
has jumped the great white.
Haiku # 70426, April 10, 2021 9:29 pm ET
by Carolina Reapers rubbed on your boner. of Might be fun. Give it a try.
What the hell is this?
Where the heck did it come from?
How did it happen?
Haiku # 70425, April 10, 2021 4:47 pm ET
by Tom Bosley's penis and aquarium cleaning service.
All white girls agree.
Tyrone, please pull up your pants.
We see your skid marks.
Haiku # 70423, April 9, 2021 7:28 pm ET
by How did that pants half down shit ever become a fad?! of Are they still doing that?
All yall so STOOPID.
Gone on bout all yall HAIKU.
Talking SMACK, thass all.
Haiku # 70421, April 9, 2021 4:50 pm ET
by Tyrone of Tha Poetic Streetz
Relieve the pig sty.
Fleas, tit jizz maul thy half cleft...
Hell, shat on my punz
Haiku # 70420, April 9, 2021 4:47 pm ET
by 300% of your brain malfunctions of The rest is Velveeta and Oscar Mayer bologna on Rainbow bread.
Believe the big lie.
Please, it is all I have left....
Well, that and my gunz
Haiku # 70419, April 9, 2021 2:36 pm ET
by 3% of my brain functions...the rest is porno and Marlboros
Believe the big lie.
Please, it is all I have left....
Well, that and my gunz
Haiku # 70418, April 9, 2021 2:36 pm ET
by 3% of my brain functions...the rest is porno and Marlboros
Say that she is dead.
And the SPAM will disappear.
It works like a charm.
Haiku # 70417, April 9, 2021 5:27 am ET
by Bad Haiku will outlive the human race. of Still maintained by Overfiend Jahnuus, thr Demon of Spells... or something
Look into his eyes
Abe Vigoda is sexy
and hung like a horse
Haiku # 70416, April 8, 2021 9:49 pm ET
by Willing and Abe-l of Autopsy Table
That kid on Kindle
with a book, under the tree
A young VHS
Haiku # 70415, April 8, 2021 9:44 pm ET
by Y.R. Thepagesstucktogether of Legends of Bad Haiku
I feel a sudden
Kinship to Abe Vigoda
I'm simply not dead
Haiku # 70414, April 8, 2021 8:20 pm ET
by Janis of Right here on the chesterfield.
The question posed,
"Has bad haiku jumped the shark?"
Ya, in the 90s.
Haiku # 70413, April 8, 2021 8:13 pm ET
by Janis of I was here first
Looks like Janis died.
The spammers will now rejoice.
And post all day long.
Haiku # 70412, April 8, 2021 8:08 pm ET
by If not dead, then raptured.
I like eating pets.
But only if they're not mine.
Can't eat my leeches.
Haiku # 70411, April 8, 2021 8:06 pm ET
by Well, I COULD, but that would be psychotic.
I don’t eat salmon
Maybe it’s because I once
had one for a pet
Haiku # 70410, April 8, 2021 7:11 pm ET
by gatita estrella of catnip galaxy
DC should be called
Dogshit Incorporated,
and not "Washington".

Say hi to the trees.
And the chipmonks and critters.
And potheads and freaks.

Oy vay, already!
Now I'm craving salmon lox
on toasted bagel.
Haiku # 70408, April 8, 2021 6:36 am ET
by Seattle... remember the 6 foot bong, remember it too well. of And girls giving us ice cream. :-)
No, the other one
Torching one with Bigfoot now
Pacific Northwest
Haiku # 70407, April 8, 2021 12:37 am ET
by gatita of Litter pan
Washington? DC?!?!
Knew I smelled something in here!
Illegal. Always.
Haiku # 70406, April 7, 2021 11:13 pm ET
by it's no fun unless it's felony.
Hibiscus tea, please
I'm always in the catnip
Haiku # 70405, April 7, 2021 7:46 pm ET
by Gatita Estrella of In the nip
I prefer coffee.
So is tea your cup of tea?
Or just tequila?
Haiku # 70404, April 7, 2021 7:24 pm ET
by What's your favorite legal stimuli?
It's hanging leftwise.
A bit swollen and blackened.
Road head on dirt road.
Haiku # 70403, April 7, 2021 7:20 pm ET
by Bad idea. of But getting better. Next time I'll pull over.
Take careful notes here.
You can use these things in court.
After you are dead.
Haiku # 70402, April 7, 2021 7:18 pm ET
by Electrocute my ass. of Feed me to the pigs.
Otis Firefly.
Here to do the Devil's Work.
Because like, why not?

People who should die:
Those who say "it's not my job".
Get off your fat ass!
Haiku # 70401, April 7, 2021 7:16 pm ET
by BifurcatingPoo
Not my cup of tea
But how’s it hanging old Darth?
Unload some poems
Haiku # 70400, April 7, 2021 6:34 pm ET
by Ms. Gatita Estrella of Under old willow
Hannibal Lecter
feeding that guy his own brain
is pure awesomeness.
Haiku # 70399, April 7, 2021 6:15 pm ET
by Gives me a stiffie just thinking about it. of How about you?
I like beef jerky.
Best if it's really spicy.
I bet bison is good.
Haiku # 70398, April 7, 2021 6:12 pm ET
by Some things I miss.
Consumed by hatred,
thoughts of torture fill my dreams.
Their screams are music.
Haiku # 70397, April 7, 2021 6:08 pm ET
by blow torches and grinding wheels.
Beat a man to death.
Not for race or religion.
But for his poems.
Haiku # 70396, April 7, 2021 6:07 pm ET
by nevermind the beatings, just straight to burning at the stake. of And then we'll have steak. Or long pork chops.
Haiku Telethon!
Time for a tympani, Ed's Ghoul
We can beat haiku!
Haiku # 70395, April 7, 2021 4:29 pm ET
by Special Guest of Vitalis
Buy The Nug Smasher
Save time crumbling up your nugs
You won't regret it
Haiku # 70394, April 7, 2021 4:24 pm ET
by This has been of a paid promotional advertisement
Lloyd's of London
Million dollar policy
Your dink is insured
Haiku # 70393, April 7, 2021 1:23 pm ET
by Thinking of everything of Got you covered
The Diagnosis
I'm afraid what we have here
is MicroPenis
Haiku # 70392, April 7, 2021 1:15 am ET
by Floppy Disk of MicroSoft
When the meat’s devoured
Cannibals ponder dessert
Then feast on your soul
Haiku # 70391, April 6, 2021 11:51 pm ET
by Clean Plate Award Recipient of Clean Plate Award Ceremony
Human so tender
Meat falling off the bone
when you twist the arm
Haiku # 70390, April 6, 2021 11:40 pm ET
by I’m Full
Here is a question
Why can't people eat people
Could be delicious
Haiku # 70389, April 6, 2021 11:14 pm ET
by Hamburger helper
Listened to conch shell.
"... car's extended waranty..."
And then I smashed it.
Haiku # 70388, April 6, 2021 10:13 pm ET
by Tom Hanks on an island. of Still can't get cast away far enough.
smelling like a pimp's bathrobe,
drops beets into soup.
Haiku # 70387, April 6, 2021 10:08 pm ET
by Here, sign this contract.
Poetry gizzard
Sold to the highest bidder!
Cassowary Bird!
Haiku # 70386, April 6, 2021 7:55 pm ET
by Auctioneer of Kudzu, Athens, GA
I know how you feel....
Like the world is against you.
Harvest your organs

Soon after you die
Sell them to some rich people
With bad genetics
Haiku # 70385, April 6, 2021 6:40 pm ET
by They can't harvest your pianos, so....
Poets are sexy
Ramming all the syllables
in such a tight space
Haiku # 70384, April 6, 2021 5:52 pm ET
by Putting the dick of in dictionary
He's pacing the hall
like an expectant father
Just needs a good shit
Haiku # 70383, April 6, 2021 5:44 pm ET
by Change of underwear of Amendment to his constitutional #2! #2!
He's pacing the hall
like an expectant father
Just needs a good shit
Haiku # 70382, April 6, 2021 5:43 pm ET
by Change of underwear of Amendment to his constitutional #2! #2!
Green Anaconda
Tell me, are you the biggest
snake in the whole world?
Haiku # 70381, April 6, 2021 4:57 am ET
by No mention of Dinks in this haiku
These burning questions
Does haiku contain demons?
Are these haiku real?
Haiku # 70380, April 5, 2021 11:42 pm ET
by Please advise
I stopped noticing
the smell of my own rank farts
when you outranked me
Haiku # 70379, April 5, 2021 6:30 pm ET
by 2nd Place of Fart Coliseum
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