But I must confess
My first thought was that I saw
the Loch Ness Monster

Your outboard motor
did certainly catch my eye
that day at the lake

I don't need to flash
at a nudist colony
with hot surfer chix.

How I picture you
Cool trench coat like Robert Stack
but flashing your dink

Quarantine Royale
Charles’ face, Camilla’s crumpet
Out comes marmalade

Rare roast beef curtains
Horseradish makes you horny
Sam the Butcher’s load

There once was a time
everyone tossed their urine
out of the window

Don't visit much now.
Too much excremental filth.
Give the site to Darth.

Bang that choco cup
into a whore's asshole with
a wooden paddle.

After which you may
suck out the peanut butter.
Post pics on Facebook.

If there's no wrong way
to eat a Reese's Peanut
Butter Cup, you're lame.

You have not tried to
use your immagination.
There's lots of wrong ways.

When you get married
Pee in your spouse's coffee
and watch them drink it

That wasn't a murder.
Suicide by Ex-Lax.
Unfortunate toilet.

It’s my first time here
I hope you like my poem
Did I do it right?

Police tape on door
Murder in the bathroom stall
Asshole blown apart

japan to chy....na
self interest vs collect
...ive thinking right here???

Here's something to not try.
Just try giving a shit
when you don't have a leg.

What if I don't have legs?
Should I stand with my dink?
I can do it, I think.

Here’s something to try
See if you can take a shit
standing on one leg

Domestic terror:
The neighborly thang to do.
Apple pie and God.

Everyone on a Earth
Release a synchronized fart
In unity’s name

Down the toilet, "weeeee".
A water slide made of pee.
Goes Sir Hankey Poo.

He knows what to do.
Sliding down with Christmas glee.
(A haikuerlick.)

I've lost you my dear
I take up the notes of which
I remember you

You aren’t here and yet
I search for you. I need you
My email password

Pooo, downgrade, waterslide
i actually peed butt
i boast surf ride my pee.

ooo, upgrade, surprise
i can actually read what
i post, survived me

That sounds sensible
but don't people think you might
be a detective?

You have to hide your dink.
So I wear a trench coat.
When I'm out splatting spooge.

My fave is the ceiling.
Relax and watch it drip.
Sipping a hot coffee.

Five points arms and shoulders.
Ten points for hair or face.
Twenty if in their drink.

Invisible ink
coming from visible dink
You’ll land in the clink

That's what I've been saying!
Throw your spooge on the wall.
It's a pencil drawing.

Let’s get to the point
A man has to have some lead
in the old pencil

What can a man not do
with a head full of lead?
Chinese toy paint poison.

It hasn't stopped me yet.
Melt me down and sell me.
Absolutely wacky.

Well he can’t do it
With a bullet in his head
That should slow him down

I'm inappropriate.
Twats taste better sans pierced.
Strange that I'm always hard.

i'm disappointed
fonts are better sans serif
change is always hard

Pick me; I'm a booger!
Me teacher! Me! Me! Me! Me!
I want a big gold star!

Ash is so sexy.
Have you seen his nude pictures?
A total heart throb.

Ash is the winner
Your prize is a free haiku
Pick any topic

pick me, yes, pick me
i am a lucky poet
very deserving

The lucky poet
who submits the next haiku
will win a fun prize

.

An odorless gas
emanating from an ass
flying in First Class

When Ted Bundy
drives up in his Volkswagen
don’t wave back at him

Unsolved Mysteries
I can’t get through the theme song
Cue bowel movement

Try this dewormer
Must be taken rectally
Wait. It will crawl out.

I would never shit you;
You're my favorite turd.
Eternally full of shit.

Constipateternalpooabilitylicious.
That's a new medical condition I just made up.
Watch the Social Security checks roll in.

I'd like to kill some folks.
I know some deserve it.
But you know how it goes.

Jelly fish jizz fest
Cephalopod circle jerk
Where sea foam comes from

It’s like you’re my friend
who just might also be a
serial killer
Even if you are
I don’t think you would kill me
So that means we’re friends

Cross marijuana with
Venus fly traps and make
cannibal cannabis.

Hot Dog Ministry
The preacher was a midget
He got arrested

Unless I dreamed this
To the best of my knowledge
It’s a true story

Pink Floyd and cannibals.
It's just like you know me.
But I'm not sure you do.