Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 217 Days and 77133 Haiku later...

Here's something to not try.
Just try giving a shit
when you don't have a leg.
Haiku # 70051, February 9, 2021 8:09 am ET
by To stand on.
What if I don't have legs?
Should I stand with my dink?
I can do it, I think.
Haiku # 70050, February 9, 2021 7:09 am ET
by Dick Ramrod
Here’s something to try
See if you can take a shit
standing on one leg
Haiku # 70049, February 8, 2021 10:00 pm ET
by Jack Lalanne’s ghoul
Domestic terror:
The neighborly thang to do.
Apple pie and God.
Haiku # 70048, February 8, 2021 4:51 pm ET
by Amen, Bless You Sister of Hickry Holler
Everyone on a Earth
Release a synchronized fart
In unity’s name
Haiku # 70047, February 8, 2021 12:24 pm ET
by All together now of Pffffffffffffft International
Down the toilet, "weeeee".
A water slide made of pee.
Goes Sir Hankey Poo.

He knows what to do.
Sliding down with Christmas glee.
(A haikuerlick.)
Haiku # 70046, February 8, 2021 3:24 am ET
by Eucalyptus?!?! of You can lick this!!
I've lost you my dear
I take up the notes of which
I remember you

You aren’t here and yet
I search for you. I need you
My email password
Haiku # 70045, February 7, 2021 11:37 pm ET
by Line of lines
Pooo, downgrade, waterslide
i actually peed butt
i boast surf ride my pee.
Haiku # 70044, February 7, 2021 11:04 pm ET
by Sewage water park. Serious business!
ooo, upgrade, surprise
i can actually read what
i post, survived me
Haiku # 70043, February 7, 2021 9:44 pm ET
by mox
That sounds sensible
but don't people think you might
be a detective?
Haiku # 70042, February 7, 2021 9:33 pm ET
by That must be Columbo of and his gun is size Jumbo
You have to hide your dink.
So I wear a trench coat.
When I'm out splatting spooge.

My fave is the ceiling.
Relax and watch it drip.
Sipping a hot coffee.

Five points arms and shoulders.
Ten points for hair or face.
Twenty if in their drink.
Haiku # 70041, February 7, 2021 6:52 pm ET
by And drink rhymes with dink! of You're welcome!
Invisible ink
coming from visible dink
You’ll land in the clink
Haiku # 70040, February 7, 2021 6:28 pm ET
by Your pen is leaking of Ha ha ha penis
That's what I've been saying!
Throw your spooge on the wall.
It's a pencil drawing.
Haiku # 70039, February 7, 2021 5:44 pm ET
by But if I do that in Starbucks they try to arrest me! of No appreciation of public art.
Let’s get to the point
A man has to have some lead
in the old pencil
Haiku # 70038, February 7, 2021 3:42 pm ET
by #2 of Ticonderoga
What can a man not do
with a head full of lead?
Chinese toy paint poison.

It hasn't stopped me yet.
Melt me down and sell me.
Absolutely wacky.
Haiku # 70037, February 7, 2021 2:34 pm ET
by Depleted uranium of uranium for yer anus
Well he can’t do it
With a bullet in his head
That should slow him down
Haiku # 70036, February 7, 2021 2:19 pm ET
by Go ballistic of Awesome
I'm inappropriate.
Twats taste better sans pierced.
Strange that I'm always hard.
Haiku # 70034, February 7, 2021 9:27 am ET
by You wouldn't believe what I noticed! of You better get out the way of that train... on 2nd thought...
i'm disappointed
fonts are better sans serif
change is always hard
Haiku # 70033, February 7, 2021 7:44 am ET
by ash
Pick me; I'm a booger!
Me teacher! Me! Me! Me! Me!
I want a big gold star!
Haiku # 70032, February 7, 2021 5:05 am ET
by Boner inspiring. of Hot for teacher.
Ash is so sexy.
Have you seen his nude pictures?
A total heart throb.
Haiku # 70031, February 7, 2021 4:48 am ET
by I'm not even gay and he turns me on!
Ash is the winner
Your prize is a free haiku
Pick any topic
Haiku # 70030, February 6, 2021 3:57 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker will create of a poem just for you
pick me, yes, pick me
i am a lucky poet
very deserving
Haiku # 70029, February 6, 2021 6:54 am ET
by ash
The lucky poet
who submits the next haiku
will win a fun prize
Haiku # 70028, February 6, 2021 1:40 am ET
by The Management of Under Old Willow

Haiku # 70027, February 6, 2021 1:14 am ET
by Mostly Invisible Poet
An odorless gas
emanating from an ass
flying in First Class
Haiku # 70026, February 5, 2021 11:10 pm ET
by Al Titude of High
When Ted Bundy
drives up in his Volkswagen
don’t wave back at him
Haiku # 70025, February 5, 2021 10:47 pm ET
by (Puget) Sound Advice of Undisclosed
Unsolved Mysteries
I can’t get through the theme song
Cue bowel movement
Haiku # 70024, February 5, 2021 10:37 pm ET
by Pavlov’s Log of Freshly cut
Try this dewormer
Must be taken rectally
Wait. It will crawl out.
Haiku # 70023, February 5, 2021 8:40 pm ET
by Free Pet Worm of with Certificate of Adoption
I would never shit you;
You're my favorite turd.
Eternally full of shit.

That's a new medical condition I just made up.
Watch the Social Security checks roll in.
Haiku # 70022, February 5, 2021 6:49 pm ET
by Don't you love parasites.
I'd like to kill some folks.
I know some deserve it.
But you know how it goes.
Haiku # 70021, February 5, 2021 5:34 am ET
by I just kill beers.
Jelly fish jizz fest
Cephalopod circle jerk
Where sea foam comes from
Haiku # 70020, February 5, 2021 2:43 am ET
by Jacques Itch Cousteau of talking fish fart molecule
It’s like you’re my friend
who just might also be a
serial killer
Even if you are
I don’t think you would kill me
So that means we’re friends
Haiku # 70019, February 5, 2021 2:30 am ET
by Your friend of Under old willow
Cross marijuana with
Venus fly traps and make
cannibal cannabis.
Haiku # 70018, February 5, 2021 2:27 am ET
by Go eat yourself. of Feed me, Seymour!
Hot Dog Ministry
The preacher was a midget
He got arrested

Unless I dreamed this
To the best of my knowledge
It’s a true story
Haiku # 70017, February 5, 2021 2:22 am ET
by Frank of Undisclosed
Pink Floyd and cannibals.
It's just like you know me.
But I'm not sure you do.
Haiku # 70016, February 5, 2021 2:22 am ET
by Another life, another death. of Where will it all end.
Hall and Oates for President
In another dimension
Yes, they are conjoined
Haiku # 70015, February 5, 2021 1:07 am ET
by John Boy Walton’s Mole of Admiring a certain moustache
Whoa-oh here she comes,
Watch out boy she'll chew you up,
She's a Maneater.
Haiku # 70014, February 5, 2021 12:30 am ET
by Cayman of Illinois
Haiku hookup
Let’s meet behind the old Mall
Wear your Pink Floyd shirt
Haiku # 70013, February 4, 2021 10:24 pm ET
by Valentine of Getting 2 milkshakes
Why aren't foot fetishists
instead called pedophiles
and pedos called shark food?
Haiku # 70012, February 4, 2021 9:13 pm ET
by Makes more sense that way, yeah?
What's with the pigeon poo?
Pooping on your statues?
Birds' statutory rape?
Haiku # 70011, February 4, 2021 9:09 pm ET
by budda boom budda bing
Have a sperm donation.
There might be seventeen.
That's more than you deserve.

I might have given more
if I was seventeen.
Like seventeen billion.
Haiku # 70010, February 4, 2021 9:06 pm ET
by 666 -- Deal with it! of It's really not all that evil. Not that I can tell.
Help Wanted/Part Time
Seeking reliable help
with pigeon droppings
Haiku # 70009, February 4, 2021 8:24 pm ET
by Ker Splat of Sidewalk
We appreciate
your seventeen syllable
donation. Thank you.
Haiku # 70008, February 4, 2021 8:18 pm ET
by The Management of Under old willow
I once wrote a haiku.
It was about sudoku.
It was boring as hell.
I threw it down a well.
Play with my Dragonballz, Goku.
Haiku # 70007, February 4, 2021 4:49 pm ET
by Great balls of fire!
The canine gymnast
applies resin to toenails
Stands straight. Licks his ass.
Haiku # 70006, February 4, 2021 3:47 pm ET
by Noticer of Details of Sporting Event
Haiku # 70005, February 4, 2021 2:55 pm ET
by Lucy of ok
Hey! Old Confucian --
Yeah, YOU with the stupid hat . . .
What are you, Chinese ?
Haiku # 70004, February 4, 2021 9:08 am ET
by Venerable Ancestor of Prosperous Son
Haiku 70000 refers to haiku 69849
Haiku # 70003, February 4, 2021 6:26 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Guac Watch
Tonight's Assignment
If God made you a racehorse
what would your name be?
Haiku # 70001, February 4, 2021 4:22 am ET
by Endless Thunder Hallucination of Paddock
Guacamole, sir?
Freshly made at your table

Vegetable discharge
Goodyear blimp floats overhead
Now the halftime show

Beyonce upchucks
in the mouth of Bruno Mars!
No deflated balls
Haiku # 70000, February 4, 2021 4:11 am ET
by Howard Cosell of Ghoul Form
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >