If you plug your "arse",
global warming will subside
and life will rejoice.
Upon your demise
we will launch you into space
to save the planet.
by EPA 42 U.S.C. §13101 et seq. (1990)
Fines just aren't enough
Overdue library books
Electric chair ride
by Doobies Decimals and Decibels of High
I'll have a Dilly
The Orignal Snack Bar
Between Eve's legs
by Bruh, this is Adam ( from the Bible) of Digging in to Bottomless Clams!
Bad Haiku News
Trump signs Relief bill
a Chinese journalist jailed
Ancient 'snack bar' found
by Crimson Mind of Phoenix, AZ
Methane Lottery
Hold your head up to my arse
for today's numbers
by Buy a Ticket of This Could Be Your Shitty Day!
Numerology.
It means as much to me as
gynecology.
by When was your llast exam?
I enjoyed your fart.
It reminds me of balot
and strong vinegar.
by I still won't try monkey meat.
I asked my kids that.
They say their online freinds care.
And that I do not.
Is ten years of age
too soon to kick out the house?
Relax! I'm joking!
by Fingers worked to the bone. of One foot in the grave.
i was asked why do
i bother with online folks
missing on real life?
by vhs
There's someone to blame
when your conjoined twin lets wind
(Besides your old dog)
by Fartfucius of Under old willow
If they both feel it
When conjoined twins get it on
is it called incest?
by People Person of USA!!
I mailed you my fart
It smells like burning plastic
and rotten old eggs
by A Gift for You of Fart of the Month Club
Send me a Thai girl.
I could eat that all night long.
Spicy and low fat!
by Prostitute aficionado.
Like the lottery,
hoping your ex gets covid,
but it's free to play.
by Oy vay! Free already yet?!
Be KIND to your DINK.
Write poetry about it.
And all that it does.
It will love you back.
And will not spit in your eye.
Though you spit on his.
by Don't listen to that other "poet". of She's just an evil troll.
You must be hungry
Can't someone mail you something
to satisfy you?
by Gatita Estrella of Licking Stamp
You are a liar.
I never flipped off Santa
when flipping the sky.
I was aiming that
at the Spaghetti Monster.
Fake Italian food.
Constructed in a
Chinese noodle biolab.
Made with MSG.
Chinese won't touch it.
But Pinoys eat that shit up.
So sad I could cry.
by Go to Thailand, or maybe Indonesia, maybe Korea or Vietnam of Stay out of the Philippines! Dog doo on wet toast has more appeal than their food.
Tie balloons to chair
Up and away you will soar
Try this in the nude
by Featherless Bird of Sky Chair
Challenge for poets
Meaningful haiku poems
No mention of dinks
by Dink Mentioner of Dink Mentioning Section
Coffee beans aren't beans.
However, they're magical.
Harry Potter's dead.
by Gandalf the Barista
I traded my beans
for a magical bovine.
Her teats make latte.
by But you have to add your own flavoring, because of course, gays like flavored coffee.
Blowjob was so good
She inflated my testes.
I, hopity horse.
by New Years Resolution of More more more.
Snakes have one dink
The other one's a kickstand
for upright doinking
by Sssssssssexy of In the grass
What are farts used for?
Magical hyperspace fuel.
Star Wars censored that.
by And the nude scene with Leia and Jaba. of Jaba has two penises like a snake.
Jesus, you're stupid.
Keep the beast and sell the farts.
Jack and the Beanstalk.
by Magic beans make magic farts. of Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you feed to your pig beast, the richer you will be.
when do i get to
sell this hybrid pig beast to
science for his farts
by greasy monkey
Fart your mommy. ??? !! ????
That's only 4 syllables.
Blast femur!!
by My mom calls poop "grunt". of Is that weird or what?!
Fart Umami
Elvis Presley's absorbed twin
Double the flavor
by Fart Scientist of Laboratory (pronounced lavatory)
Don't you renember?
I skipped your house that year, Darth
You beat off too much
by Santa Claus of Memories of 1982
No matter how old,
I believe in Santa Claus.
And 80s porn tapes.
by Dark Lord Whorendous of Dork Lard up in us.
No news about the
new strain of marijuana
found in my back yard.
by First pot strain that makes you gassy. of Black market slave auction unloading some children.
Someone ignited
Elvis Presley's bottled fart
Trying to huff it.
by Hound dog farts are the worst! of At least it's not meth.
Bad Haiku News
Nashville explosion
New strain of Covid in France
New snake species found
by Crimson Mind of Phoenix, AZ
Time to awaken
Dick Clark's stiff Anaconda
Party til you puke
by Nigel of Boa Constrictor
Little Figpucker
gazes up at the night sky
Flips Santa the bird
by Time Machine of Days of Young Master Figpucker
with all the bullshit
on here I'm getting haiku
and waifu confused...
by vhs
Who's had the squirrels?
Nativity Scene with nuts
Joseph could be rabid
by Foaming of At the mouth
Having multiple personality disorder does not mean that you have committed "gang rape" once that you have raped someone. Now go have a tea party with your imaginary friends like a good little psycho on thorazine.
by Sigmund Frood of Tannin bomber
Who's old enough to
have had a real Christmas tree
in their living room?
by Old Farts Nostalgia Association. of On the edge of Alzheimer's
Gang rape the cocoa.
Throw it at the carolers.
Say it's self defense.
That's their punishment.
And it's a light one at that!
For singing off key.
by DW of What kind of "God" allows his worshipers to sing so badly?!
Mannequin Hogpile
Get your smelly plastic twat
Out of my face, bitch
by J C.Penney of Closed for the Holidays
Why not gang rape
the carolers at your door?
Save on hot cocoa
by Frugal of Dooryard
Please save your receipt
should you wish to return or
exchange this whore
by DW of Pimp Ethics and Standards Committee
On a bear skin rug
Figpucker, The New Fragrance
For the New Horny
by Masculine yet feminine of With some fruity notes
Try blowing your nose.
But know that if nothing comes out,
it's all been for snot.
by budda boom budda bing
Irresistible
Your buoy bobbing on seafoam
Now, feeding frenzy
by Jock Itch Cousteau of Down Below
Please save your receipt
should you wish to return or
exchange this haiku
by Bitch of The Management
If Santa loves me,
I've not been naughty enough.
Satan, however...
by Not naughty, all for naught at forty knots of Knotty Pines, nautical resort.
i feel good but grim
today, like this was a break
for what matters most
by vhs
Jesus Christ is Lord!
Oppose Him at your own risk
Oh condemned sinner.
by Friendly Local Milquetoast Pastor of Xmas
